Unwanted Visitor
by Beatle44
Summary: This is an AU story taking place about twelve years in the future involving Callie, Arizona and their family. It does refer back to the story line for some major events through the beginning of season 9 but not entirely. As it takes place in the future (and it is AU fiction), there are some things that are different.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Unwanted Visitor

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** This is a work of fan fiction using characters from Grey's Anatomy. The characters are created and owned by Shonda Rhimes and ABC. The story is AU, and for entertainment only. I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story.

**Summary:** This is an AU story taking places about twelve years in the future; it does refer back to the story line for some major events through the beginning of season 9 but not all. As it takes place in the future (and it is fiction), there are some things that are different.

**A/N:** It is my first attempt at fanfiction so I am a bit apprehensive. I have no beta, so the mistakes are all mine.

Chapter 1

Arizona pulled up to Jefferson High School at 1:20pm. This was her fault; the words sang through her head like the lyrics of a bad song that would not stop. She just wanted to shut her brain off sometimes.

She had ten minutes until her appointment with Sofia's high school guidance counselor. Arizona had finished her last surgery just in time to get to the school for the appointment. The day before Arizona had received a phone call from Mr. Jones asking if one of Sofia's parents could come in. Sofia was struggling academically and with the April school vacation the following week, Mr. Jones wanted to meet as soon as possible, before the grades of the normally straight "A" student slipped even more.

Sofia never mentioned she was having any issues at school, of course Sofia never mentioned much of anything these days. Life at home was...complicated. Arizona realized she knew very little about what was happening in Sofia's life right now. Any efforts to check-in with the teenager were brushed off, though if Arizona was honest with herself, her efforts were half-hearted. Ignorance was bliss had been her mantra of late. It looks like bliss was biting her in the backside she thought.

It was decided that Arizona would attend the meeting at the school as she historically had been the one to connect with Sofia's teachers, plus she was off Thursday afternoon. Sofia may look like Callie, but her personality and mannerisms were all Arizona. Homework help would often turn into a battle with Callie, but not with Arizona. Sofia and Arizona have, or used to have, a rapport that was special, unique. Callie admired how well Arizona navigated the waters with Sofia. Sofia would listen to the pediatric surgeon and, like Arizona; she would take her time to process a situation. When Sofia was ready, she would go to Arizona and work it out. It dawned on Arizona that she could not remember when the two last spent any quality time together.

Arizona dragged herself from her Alpine White BMW sedan. She had not slept in 36 hours, as she had been on-call the night before. It was a busy night. Since January a restful night's sleep was more of a luxury anyway. This meeting weighed heavily on her. There must be some mistake; Sofia never has issues at school. It just didn't make sense. She had not seen Sofia since before the phone call from Mr. Jones yesterday, and she was not sure whether Callie had mentioned it to Sofia. Arizona had no idea whether her daughter knew she was asked to come to the school.

The timing could not be worse. School vacation started tomorrow and Callie was taking the kids on Saturday to California to see Arizona's parents. Her father had a week of baseball games and fishing planned for the boys. Her mom had trips to Build-a-Bear and The American Girl store for Anna. Sofia was looking forward to some shopping. They would all spend a day Disneyland. The trip was planned last November, over Thanksgiving. The kids were so excited for the vacation. A pang of sadness rushed through Arizona when she remembered that she would not be joining her family for this vacation.

Lindsey poked Sofia, who was sitting in the desk in front of her, with the eraser end of her pencil. Lindsey was Sofia's best friend. The two met ten years ago when Sofia's parents bought a house, a five bedroom ranch, in Lindsey's neighborhood. Lindsey's house was just one street over from Sofia's. This year the two had the same sophomore English class. They also had Calculus together. Lindsey pointed to the window with her pencil where they both could clearly see Arizona walking toward the entrance of the school.

Lindsey admired the doctor; she was considered a 'cool' mom among their friends; both Sophia's parents were. You would never know she had only one leg just by looking at her. Sometimes, like today, Dr. Robbins limped a bit, but rarely. Come on, the woman survived a plane crash, she's amazing Lindsey thought. Lindsey loved her own parents, but she was a bit envious of Sofia. To have a mom who never flipped out, and who was great with homework questions – Dr. Robbins actually gets 'new' math - unlike her own parents, was awesome. The bonus, you could always talk Dr. Robbins into going for ice cream. Lindsey knew things were bothering Sofia, but Sofia was not one to share her troubles easily. Upon seeing the doctor's arrival at school, Lindsey decided things must be worse than she figured.

As Sofia glanced toward the window in the direction that Lindsey's pencil was pointing, her eyes opened widely, "What's she doing here?" Sofia thought. Sofia gave Lindsey an I-don't-know shoulder shrug, but the pit in her stomach told another story. Sofia let out a discouraged sigh. Her day was only going to get worse.

Arizona entered the school and signed in. She was promptly met by Jeff Jones, Sofia's guidance counselor. They went to a conference room. Mr. Jones explained that some of Sofia's teachers would be joining them shortly, but he wanted to spend a few minutes alone with Arizona prior to that. Mr. Jones handed Sofia's printed progress report to Arizona, Arizona peered at it incredulously. Sofia is an excellent student - or was. This said she was flunking math and science, and close to failing History and English as well. Her highest grade was in Spanish. Sofia was almost fluent in Spanish. Both Callie and their nanny, Mrs. Gonzales, spoke Spanish fluently. Callie and Arizona wanted their children to be bi-lingual, so they opted for a bi-lingual nanny.

Realizing Arizona was speechless, Mr. Jones started the conversation "Dr. Robbins, I think we can both agree this is highly irregular for Sofia. I am not aware of any issues she may be having at school other than the obvious grade problems. Is there something happening in Sofia's personal life that may be affecting her academically?" Arizona did not know how to respond.

Realizing that the doctor was totally caught off-guard by this news, Mr. Jones continued "Sofia's teachers are worried; she is a wonderful girl. You and your wife have been very supportive of the school. We would like to work with you to help remedy this problem but we are not sure what the problem is." Arizona knew she would need to have a conversation with the guidance counselor she dreaded. Saying it out loud made the problems even more real and even more depressing but this was about Sofia, not her. Arizona began "Well, there have been some..."

Forty-five minutes later the meeting was wrapping up. Sofia's math, science and English teachers had joined them. Sofia would be called in momentarily, for the last few minutes. The teachers were very sympathetic and understanding. Callie and Arizona had always generously volunteered their time at the school. Callie would help run an injury prevention clinic prior to the start of each sport's season. Arizona always helped out at the clinic for students needing sports physicals. The school was more than willing to work with the family.

Sofia entered the conference room. She refused to look at Arizona. She immediately sat down on Mr. Jones' left; Arizona was sitting on the counselor's right. Mr. Jones began, "Hi Sofia, thank you for joining us. We have spent some time with your mom going over your grades. She also shared with us some of the, ah, changes at home right now. We all want you to be successful; right now you are in danger of failing 10th grade. We have agreed to give you next week to get caught up. Your mother said she would work with you. You have quite a bit to complete but your mother, teachers and I feel you are capable of getting this done over vacation and finishing up any loose ends once you return to school. Do you have any questions?"

Sofia quietly replied "No." The teachers and Mr. Jones thanked Arizona for coming in and they exited the conference room, leaving Arizona and Sofia alone.

Sofia blurted out "I can't get this all done next week, I won't be home. You know I'm going to visit Grandma and Grandpa. "

Arizona calmly stated "I sorry Sof, you can't go. You'll need to stay with me. I will clear my schedule so I can help you get through all this."

Sofia cried "But we've been planning this trip for months. Mom bought the ticket already, Grandma and I already made plans to do stuff".

Arizona repeated, "I'm sorry Sofia, you are not going. I know things have been hard, but we need to fix this. School is important. You are failing two classes and barely passing the others. This is a consequence you will just need to deal with. Grandma will understand."

Sofia glared at her mother and harshly replied "After all these months now you decide to be the parent! You... You... You're not even my real mother! I hate you!" Sofia observed Arizona long enough to confirm that her words wounded her target as intended.

"Sofia, please. Let's..." Arizona tried to interject.

"I need to go; I'm going to be late for debate club." Sofia stoically replied.

Sofia stood there stone-faced. Tears filled Arizona's eyes; she was unable to find the words to reply to her child, so she just nodded. Guilt washed over Arizona. Sofia left the room without another word. Arizona darted from the school as fast as she could, before anyone could see the tears trickling down her cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Arizona drove out of the school parking lot, and pulled into a nearby park so she could pull herself together. She certainly could not walk through the door at home like this, she had been trying to maintain a resilient mom façade at home, but now her armor was starting to tarnish.

As the tears subsided, she remembered she needed to call Callie, who was waiting to hear how the meeting went. She was not sure how that conversation would go. She knew Callie would be upset; this was just one more problem to add to Callie's plate. Normally the two would have talked about a decision like that together, but Arizona needed to respond on the spot, the school was offering essentially a fresh start; the alternative would be summer school at the bare minimum and maybe repeating some classes. She knew Callie would be annoyed to have this thrown at her less than 48 hours before she was to go away, but Arizona also knew that deep down that Callie would have come to the same conclusion: Sofia needed to stay home. Plus, it was not fair for the other kids to miss their vacation because of Sofia. This was the only option.

She texted Callie, asking her to call her. Arizona sat in her car, hoping Callie would callback quickly. Within 15 minutes her phone vibrated, it was Callie. Arizona recounted the meeting, explained the solution the school offered as well as what she told Sofia. Arizona intentionally did not elaborate on what Sofia said to her, though Sofia's words still stung. Arizona told Callie she would talk to the Chief to make arrangements to take next week off so she could work with Sofia and help her get her outstanding work done.

Callie was shocked to hear that Sofia was on the verge of failing 10th grade; she wavered from angry to tearful over the course of the conversation. There was an unspoken understanding between the two mothers that Arizona was responsible to oversee Sofia's schooling. Callie took the lead when it came to the boys. Anna was only in kindergarten so neither one needed to manage her. Arizona dropped the ball on this and Callie was frustrated.

Finally, Callie angrily decided "This conversation needs to be finished in the morning. I can't do this right now!" Callie was working late, and she would not be home before 11:00pm. She knew Arizona had not slept in over 30 hours. Communication was not their strong suit, especially lately. Fatigued, Callie knew things might be said that could be disastrous. How had their lives come to this point? She knew deep down she could not take much more, so before she completely broke, Callie knew ending the conversation was best.

Arizona agreed sadly "0k. I'm going to the house now. I'll make sure the boys and Anna are packed. Is there anything else you need done?" Arizona sheepishly asked.

"Haven't I done, or more like it, not done enough already?" Arizona silently chastised herself.

Obviously flustered, Callie answered "I need to get to surgery, but I think I am set. Mrs. Gonzales was getting things taken care of." Mrs. Gonzales was their long-time nanny; she was invaluable. Her children loved her, they all loved her. The woman often stayed overnight when the doctors were on call, working late with surgeries or even just when they needed a night out, though Sofia was now old enough to handle some of the babysitting. With the family away, the nanny was also getting a well-deserved vacation. They were fortunate to have her and Mrs. Gonzales loved them just as much.

"Alright" Arizona said in a defeated tone and ended the phone call, realizing that she did not know whether or not Callie was going to support her decision regarding Sofia.

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Sofia slowly made her way to where the debate club was meeting. She sat down next to Lindsey, who asked "What happened?"

Sofia reluctantly acknowledged "I ah, I let my grades slip a little, actually a lot."

Lindsey stared wide-eyed "Really? You're like the poster child for a brainiac."

"Right now I am the poster child for disappointment." Sofia could not help but think back to the tears that she saw roll down her mother's face as she left the conference room. But she convinced herself that Arizona had it coming. Sofia was angry with Arizona and she had this coming.

"Did AZ freak out?" The girls always referred to their parents by their first names or nicknames behind their backs. Arizona was AZ, Callie was CT, and Lindsey's parents were affectionately known as Barb and Mike. However, to their faces, it was always Dr. or Mrs. or Mr.

"No, she didn't, she never does." Sofia appreciated this personality trait of Arizona's. Unlike Callie who was much more emotional, sometimes crying, or ranting when there was a problem – in Spanish no less, Arizona managed conflicts with a calmer, cool demeanor. "She said I can't go away next week. But I'll talk to CT, she's an easier touch. They already bought the plane ticket" Sofia confidently replied.

The family would have driven to California had Arizona been going. They would have made it an adventure, driving over a couple days. When it was determined that Arizona would not be going, Callie made the decision to fly. When possible, Arizona avoided planes. But it was just too hard for Callie to manage the 16 hour road trip with the small children, and one driver, so plane tickets were purchased.

Lindsey raised her eye brows and gave her friend a puzzled look, pitting one parent against the never ended well.

The debate meeting continued afterschool for another two hours with the team preparing for their next debate against Raleigh High the week after vacation. Once the meeting ended, the two friends took the longest walking route home. Sofia knew she would need to face Arizona alone; Callie was working late, as she usually did on Thursdays. She delayed as long as possible before entering her house.

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Arizona arrived at her house around 3:30pm. She could smell dinner cooking. Mrs. Gonzales was a good cook, almost as good as Callie. She was not two steps in when Carlos nearly tackled her with his hug. She was able to grab a chair to avoid tumbling over. Over the years her balance had become quite good using her prosthetic. The boys never gave it a second thought that she only had one leg. The twins were eight years old, named after their grandfathers. She looked for Danny but he was nowhere to be seen. A smile was plastered across Carlos' face; he simply said "I missed you!"

Arizona hugged him and said "I'm here now, and I've missed you too. Do I smell spaghetti? "

Carlos smiled, that was his favorite dinner, Danny's too. "Yes! And cupcakes for dessert, we made them for you!" Both boys knew their mother had a sweet tooth.

Danny, hearing his mother's voice, ran into the foyer, "You're here!" Arizona was greeted with another big hug and sloppy kiss.

"So what's the homework situation?" she asked her sons.

"I have a math paper" said Carlos. "I need to study for a spelling test" said Danny. Both boys were handsome, with striking _Mediterranean_ features and beautiful brown eyes. Danny was slightly older than Carlos, by two minutes. Carlos was the taller of the two.

"Let me say hi to Mrs. Gonzales, and then we can play a bit before I help you with your homework. Deal?" Arizona happily proposed. She loved her children, her family, and her wife. In this moment of being happy, she forgot her insecurities.

Arizona made her way to the kitchen where five year old Anna was setting the table with the help of Mrs. Gonzales. Anna was the image of Arizona. Arizona loved being a mother, though she never felt the need or desire to bear a child, but Arizona had a change of heart six years ago. It surprised her. Callie was ecstatic. Thus Anna completed their family. Anna was the opposite of Sofia; one would know what kind of day Anna was having just by looking at her. This little girl wore her emotions on her sleeve. Anna blew kisses to her mother when she saw her entering the kitchen, which Arizona made dramatic gestures to catch. Then she went back to her chore of methodically setting the dinner table.

A comforting hug from the nanny captured Arizona. "Dr. Robbins, so good to see you." the older woman genuinely said. Despite many requests over the years, Mrs. Gonzales would never call either doctor by their first name. The doctors also respectfully referred to their nanny, really their godsend, by 'Mrs.'.

"Dinner is cooking, and will be ready shortly" the nanny replied. "The children's bags are packed, except Sofia's. She insisted on doing her own packing. You know teenagers. If there is nothing else you need from me, I will be heading out".

"We're good, please go and have a good night. Thank you for getting everything organized" Arizona cheerfully answered. With that Arizona went off to play with her children.

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Sofia walked through the door close to 5:00pm. Arizona was sitting around the breakfast bar quizzing Danny on his spelling words, and answering a math question here and there for Carlos. Anna had her 'homework', a coloring sheet from kindergarten. Anna was pouting when she realized she had slightly colored outside the lines. Arizona looked up when she heard the door close and simply said "Hey".

Sofia squeaked out a ""Hi", carefully avoiding direct eye contact with her mother.

"We're going to eat in a few minutes." Arizona eagerly announced.

"I'm not hungry." Sofia responded. "I have a ton of work to do. I'm just gonna go to my room".

Arizona gave a pleading look to her daughter. "We always have dinner together on Thursdays. I would really like it if you would join us. Please."

"Fine" Sofia said sullenly and plopped down at the table. Arizona hated that word since Sofia was anything but 'fine', but it seemed to be the typical teenager response for anything. If the response wasn't 'fine', then it was 'whatever'. Arizona thought both words were irritating.

Dinner was uneventful, the boys and Anna kept the conversation moving. They shared their day, chatted about their friends and excitedly talked about their pending trip. Sofia said nothing, except to ask to be excused once she had finished eating and Arizona did not push her. Arizona knew she would need to pick and choose her battles, so she excused her daughter and let her retreat to her room.

It was 10:30pm. The night was busy with baths and bedtime stories. Once everyone was tucked in, the house picked up and the kitchen clean, Arizona knew it was time to speak with Sofia. The light was shining under the crack of her door. Arizona knocked timidly, and then entered, not waiting for an invitation. "We need to talk" Arizona pronounced. Sofia just looked at her. "I know you're angry with me for a lot of reasons" Arizona continued "but right now the school problem needs to be taken care of. Once school is out in June, you can go to California." Arizona hoped that this small concession would help sway the mood of the surly teen. Of course, Arizona still had no idea if Callie was in agreement with the decision to not permit Sofia to go away next week.

Sofia dourly responded "Whatever".

Arizona could sense that the conversation would remain one-sided, so she decided to finish up, knowing that next week would provide ample opportunities to talk. "Mom texted me saying she would be back around 11pm. I'm going to go now, just call me if you need anything. Love you"

Sofia remained silent, returning her eyes to her book. With that, Arizona walked out of her daughter's bedroom, out the front door and into her car where she would drive to the room she had been renting from the perpetual bachelor, Alex Karev, since the end of January. Tears filled her eyes, as they did every Thursday night, when she left the house and family she loved so much.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for reading, reviewing and following my story. I am most appreciative. It is a great confidence booster for me to keep moving forward.

Chapter 3

Callie finished up her surgery and paperwork, ready to get home. She pulled into her driveway just after 11:00pm. Arizona would have left before she got home. She laughed when she reminded herself that she had once thought their biggest hurdles were parenthood and Africa. Who would have predicted that a horrific car accident, tragic plane crash and devastating amputation would be their challenges? The odds were better at winning the lottery then having that string of near-death experiences happen to one family. Their lives became so complicated and sad again. It was fifteen years ago when she and her unborn child barely survived the car accident. Thanks to Arizona, Sofia lived, growing to be a beautiful and brilliant young lady. It was twelve years ago that she thought her wife had died on the side of a mountain, then she miraculously survived, albeit minus a leg. She thought that stretch was the toughest challenge her marriage would face.

Callie checked on the younger kids, who were all sleeping soundly, though she knew that it wouldn't be long before Anna would find her way to Callie's bed. Since Arizona left, more often than not, Anna would crawl in with Callie during the night. Most nights Callie just did not have the energy to move her back to her own bed. Callie made her way to Sofia's room, knowing she needed to speak with her older daughter now or first thing in the morning. Since Callie was not a morning person, she opted to have the needed conversation now. Callie entered Sofia's room, and sat down on the bed. The teen was propped up against the headboard, reading.

Sofia smiled and said "Hi Mom". Callie let out a deep breath and replied "Hi Sof. I ah, I talked to Mama about the meeting at school today. Sof, how did things get so far behind?"

The girl shrugged. Callie continued "I think it's a good idea for you to stay home next week with Mama and get caught up."

"What!" shrieked Sofia? "You're taking her side." It was more of a declaration than a question.

"It's not a question of sides. Mama went to the meeting; the school offered a plan, a reasonable plan. She's your parent too. I support her decision on how to manage this". Callie explained carefully as she tried to keep her emotions in check.

"I can't believe you. She walked out on us, she chose to leave. She doesn't care about us, so why are you letting her mess with our plans?" Sofia yelled.

"Sofia, it's not that simple, you know that. It's complicated. Mama loves us, all of us. She is trying to figure it out. The decision has been made; you are not going on the trip. This discussion is over."

Sofia was angry but refrained from saying another word. From the tone of her mother's tired voice, Sofia knew her mother would not change her mind. Callie rarely became inflexible, but clearly this was one of those times.

Callie kissed her daughter on the forehead, "I love you Sofia. Now, how about getting some sleep?" Callie paused a moment and then added "I know this is hard, but we'll get through it. All of it."

"Are you sure?" Sofia snapped. Staring at her daughter, Callie knew she was not sure of anything these days.

With that, Callie left the room and made her way to her bedroom, where Anna had burrowed deep in the covers right in the center of bed. Callie smiled and maneuvered the little girl over so she would have space to crawl in.

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"Who needs an alarm clock when I have this crew?" Callie thought the next morning as she was woken up with pillows and tickles swarming her. It was a great way to start the day, and she joined right in. Her three younger children pleaded with her to make her famous chocolate chip pancakes as today was the last day of school before their vacation. She happily obliged, knowing she would pay the price later when she was late but at that moment she didn't care.

As she made her way to the kitchen Callie noticed she had a text from Sofia. She had texted her mother:

**'Just want to make sure you remembered tonight's the school dance. Lindsey said her parents will drop me off at home after.'**

Sofia, who walks to school, must have slipped out while Callie was in the shower. She would have preferred for her daughter to see her before she left for the day, but she knew Sofia was angry about staying home next week, and had they spoke it may not have gone well, especially if she had not had her coffee yet. Sofia was mostly likely afraid she would not be allowed to attend the Spring Fling, given her grades Callie thought, thus the text. Callie reasoned that her daughter was already being punished for her poor grades; she did not need to ban her from the dance as well. Callie texted Sofia back, saying she could go but needed to be home right after the dance.

Sofia responded: **K. THNX. GTG. :)**

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The three kids piled into the dark blue minivan so their mother could drop them off at school. Callie kissed her three younger children, wishing them a good day on their last day before vacation as they scrambled out of the car and then she headed off to the hospital.

Callie hoped the traffic would be light, which of course meant it was brutal. She was supposed to be there by 8:30; she would be late, as usual. Sitting in traffic, she pondered her upcoming appointment and the reasons behind.

In January an unusual case at the hospital involving a plane crash and young casualties triggered all sorts of bad memories for Arizona. The nightmares and night terrors returned with a vengeance. Arizona became angry, even volatile at times when she slept. Sometimes she could not recall what had transpired until Callie recounted the episode the next morning. Arizona was beset with nightmares of the plane crash and the four days stranded in the wilderness. Flashbacks plagued her at times. She was anxious, stressed, distracted and just not herself.

Professionally, Arizona continued to be an excellent surgeon; on the surface she was Arizona without the perkiness. She kept her family, colleagues and patients at an arm's length. Those who did not know her would think nothing of the reserved, business-like, though cold, demeanor. Those who knew her, knew better.

Callie thought that the lack of sleep was exacerbating the problem. Arizona was afraid to sleep. Arizona worried it was more, paranoid she was losing control, scared of what she might do, of course the broken nose with the two accompanying black eyes she gave Callie one night during a night terror didn't help. So Arizona moved out, theoretically temporarily.

A couple weeks sleeping in the hospital on-call room was suppose to be the plan, get some counseling, and get back home. Callie tried to convince Arizona that moving out was not going to make things better, and probably would make things worse. If Callie did not sleep well without Arizona then she was certain that Arizona was not sleeping well without her. Yet, Arizona held firm.

The longer Arizona stayed away, the harder it was to talk about coming home. Time with the family was limited to weekends and Thursday nights. Then it was just Thursday nights. PTSD is an unpredictable and unwelcome visitor. Just when you think you have rid yourself of it, it can fiercely return.

This trip, planned last Thanksgiving, was supposed to be a family vacation. Arizona's parents encouraged the two women to spend some time alone during their visit at a top-rated spa in the area for a few days while the kids spent time with their grandparents. Now Addison was going in Arizona's place. Callie was more than happy to get some one-on-one time with her good friend; it had been too long since the two had spent any meaningful time together. Callie was starved for non-medical, adult conversation and she was tired, really tired. Emotionally drained. She was afraid her patience and understanding might be running short. A few days to rejuvenate would be perfect. She needed to go out and have some fun. This would be a good time to reevaluate her life with her trusted confidant.

At 8:45am Callie rushed into the hospital, to the second floor office of Dr. Andrea Michaels. She entered the office and noticed Arizona standing by the window, clearly processing something.

Dr. Michaels was the counselor Arizona had been seeing for a few months. Callie started attending the appointments every Friday morning at 8:30am for the past few weeks. The counselor turned to greet Callie, "Good Morning".

"Sorry I'm late." Callie apologized as she rushed in, clearly flustered. She was out of sorts, the drive in just put her in a bad mood, and caffeine withdrawal was starting to set in.

"Callie, is everything alright?" Dr. Michaels quizzically asked.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence. "Not really." Callie disclosed. Callie finally walked over to the window, with her hands in pockets of her jacket and stood behind Arizona. Callie had been thinking all week how she wanted to phrase what had been heavily weighing on her. Sofia's surprising school problems just encouraged her even more to speak up. In her frustration, Callie just blurted out "I just can't. It's getting too hard. I just can't keep doing this alone." Arizona turned around and looked at Callie.

"We or rather I need a plan. Arizona, I love you, I will always love you; but it might not be enough this time. I can't keep living like this. I'm tired. The kids can't keep living like this, wondering when and if you will be there. This arrangement is affecting more than you and me, it's bothering the kids, big time. It's not just Sofia. Anna has not slept the night in her bed in I don't know how long. The boys are acting up in school. And me, do you know how many dinners I eat by myself, how many nights I watch a movie alone, movies that we always use to watched together? Crawling into our bed, alone and even worse is waking up just as lonely. I have no one to share my good days with or hug me on my bad days. I'm lonely. I'm afraid to even go out and have a drink or dinner with people because it feels like I'm being unfaithful to you. The only reason I am spending time with Addison next week is because you arranged it. We need a plan. If coming home is not in the immediate future then we need to make more formal arrangements, we need to do something. We all need to move on with our lives. It's been four months and I feel like we are moving apart, not together. We are not healing but breaking even more. We need to have a serious talk about where to go from here once I get back." Callie's watery eyes looked helplessly at Arizona.

Callie hoped that this was the push her wife needed to start the recovery process wherever that led. What if Arizona decided to not come home? What if she did? Callie was not sure what scared her more but she knew she would rather be scared with Arizona than without her.

Arizona knew Callie had reached the end of her rope; Callie was running out of steam. Callie had been awesome, undemanding and accommodating. Arizona turned and stared out the window, not sure of what to say. Callie was right of course, but Arizona could not seem to get out of her own way.

Callie continued "I backed you on this. Sofia asked me to override your decision - but I stood by you, and your decision. You need to follow through on this. Sofia is staying home next week. You can handle this, right?" Callie looked pleadingly at Dr. Michaels, who nodded.

"You need to call your parents and let them know Sofia is not coming, okay?" Callie reminded her wife.

Arizona's parents had been terrific, but Callie knew they were disappointed in how the events were unfolding, seeing their daughter and her family fall apart. Callie knew that Arizona was afraid to see them; Arizona was disappointed in herself. So Arizona refused to join her family for the vacation. Arizona's parents had seen PTSD rip many families apart in the military, but they also saw many families heal. It took time, counseling, love and patience. Callie refused to let Arizona shut out her parents completely, so Arizona would have to make that phone call.

Callie's pager went off, a 911. "I need to go. We'll need to talk later today about the details."

Arizona stopped her wife, placing her hand on Callie's right arm, "Callie, wait!" and Arizona leaned over and picked up the cup of coffee she had bought for her wife and handed it to her. Every Friday Callie never had time to get her coffee before their appointment. It had become a ritual, a small token of appreciation from Arizona who made sure she had a large cup of coffee waiting for her. Callie accepted it with a small smile and walked out of the office.

"So" Dr. Michaels said. "What are you thinking? Talk to me."

"I think Callie's right. We do need to make some decisions, but I am not sure I am ready. I do want to go home, I want to fix this. But I can't bring myself to do any of this. I am not sure if I will ever be ready, maybe it is time to separate. Yesterday… yesterday, I knew what I had to do, and I did it, but then Sofia said..." Arizona stopped mid sentence.

"What did Sofia say?" Dr. Michaels inquired.

"She said she hated me." Arizona replied, as she continued to stare out the window.

"She's a teenager. Teenagers are very emotional and it is not unusual for them to say they 'hate' a parent." Dr. Michaels stated earnestly.

"It's not just that. She said I wasn't her real mother" Arizona whispered, staring at the ground dejectedly.

Arizona was thrown, more like devastated by the comment. Arizona felt guilty because she knew she was not acting like her mother; Sofia's words had some truth to them. It hurt Arizona to think that perhaps Sofia truly did not think of her as her real parent. Even when Mark was alive, the three of them, Mark, Callie and her, had fully shared parenting responsibilities. From the time she saw Sofia's heart beat in utero, she loved Sofia as her mother.

Dr. Michaels had spent enough time with the two mothers to know that based on comments and stories, Sofia loved Arizona, and that their relationship was truly close. She believed that the teen was angry and hurting.

"I want to throw out a theory, if you don't mind?" asked Dr. Michaels. Arizona nodded her head affirmatively. Dr. Michaels continued "Do you think it is possible that Sofia, consciously or subconsciously, sabotaged her trip so she would have to stay with you? Both you and Callie have commented that she is a perceptive girl. Both of you agree that Sofia has a special relationship with you."

"Sofia loves her grandparents, this trip was important to her" Arizona answered.

Dr Michaels looked directly at Arizona and countered, "But maybe she loves you more."

Arizona' eyes teared-up as she processed the comment for a few moments and then the smallest of smiles crept on her face.

The balance of the time Dr. Michaels and Arizona drew up some goals until their next appointment and a backup plan for the week should staying at her house become too much for Arizona or Sofia. Keeping the stress and anxiety to a minimum would only help the week go more smoothly. Dr. Michaels thought Arizona was ready to spend the week in her home with her daughter.

It had been a couple months since the pediatric surgeon's last night terror and the nightmares and flashbacks were infrequent. While Arizona usually remembered her nightmares, night terrors she rarely remembered. She often slept right through them; she only knew about them if someone told her or if when she woke her room was in disarray or as she sorrowfully recounted, her wife had a broken nose. But to her knowledge, the night terrors had ceased, it was her own fear that was paralyzing her.

The orthopedic surgeon had placed a hefty request on her wife, but before that could be addressed Arizona needed to get through this first obstacle: a week in her home with her daughter. Dr. Michaels believed she was ready, though she recognized that the pediatric surgeon may not believe in herself enough to do this. Dr. Michaels, however, thought she saw something she had yet to see in her patient previously, hope.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Arizona got out of surgery around 3:00pm and noticed she had a text message from Callie:

**_Let me know when you're out of surgery so we can talk. We can grab a coffee._**

Arizona walked by the surgical board to confirm that Callie had not been pulled into another surgery. Before heading to the Orthopedics floor, she went by the coffee cart to grab a couple Chai teas and two apples. Arizona knew the last thing Callie needed was another coffee, Callie probably had already had a couple more cups since this morning. She would be jittery with any more. Arizona smiled as she heard Callie laughing in the distance; it was nice to hear that again. She rounded the corner in time to see Dr. Seth Lambert, a visiting physician from Seattle Presbyterian, with his arms around her wife, showing her what he considered the proper batting stance. The two were debating baseball of all things. Arizona pulled back out of sight, but kept the scene in view.

"When you get back I am taking you to a Mariners' game and teach you about this great American pastime. I have tickets right behind home plate." Dr. Lambert boasted. It wasn't an offer or a request, more of a statement of fact.

Callie, surprised by the proffer, answered "Well, we'll see. I'm really busy." What she really wanted to say is that _'I'm married, and I don't think my wife would appreciate me going out on a date with you.'_ but having that conversation would just open up another can of worms.

Gossip traveled though Seattle Grace at light speed. Most people knew Arizona was not living at home. No one blamed either woman for the situation; life dealt them some lousy cards. But it was amazing how 'friendly' people had become, particularly single people.

Dr. Lambert was not going to take 'no' for an answer. "The Mariners play 81 home games, I am sure we can work around your schedule." He winked, grabbed his patient's chart and strutted down the hall.

No sooner had Dr. Lambert left, then a scrub nurse, Jane, rounded the corner with a coffee in hand. "Hi Dr. Torres, I know you had a tough day. I just wanted to see if you were all set. I brought you a coffee."

Callie was unprepared for this thoughtful and possibly flirty gesture. Callie had lost a patient a few hours earlier; the man had a heart attack during a knee replacement, it always upset her when a patient died on her table.

Callie thought about Mark, he would have been her go-to person if Arizona was not available and for months Arizona was not available. Callie missed Mark. There was never another friend like him. She could always talk to Mark, and Mark would never beat around the bush, he was honest with her. Plus, he was not going to hit on her when she needed a shoulder to lean on. Over the last few months it was amazing how many people felt the need to checkup on her, hug her, and bring her coffee. The scrub nurse delivered the coffee and placed her arm around Callie's shoulder for a comforting squeeze.

"Um, thanks" Callie replied uneasily.

Arizona saw all she was able to bear. Thinking back to the morning's appointment with Dr. Michaels, Arizona concluded Callie was ready to move on without her. She turned around and headed for the elevators, looking for a trash can to throw away the teas.

Watching this whole scene unfold was Dr. Miranda Bailey. Bailey had ridden the Robbins -Torres roller coaster ride many times. She had been there through Gary Clark, Africa, the car accident, the amputation and the births of all their children. Those women were made for each other, she knew that. Hell, everyone one knew that except apparently those two damn women. And Dr. Lambert and the scrub nurse she added as a post script to her monologue. One look at Arizona told her that the pediatric surgeon was letting her insecurities get the best of her. Bailey intercepted Arizona before she could dispose of the cups "Dr. Robbins, were you dropping that off for Dr. Torres?"

"Well, um, yes but she looks busy and I need to get to a consult anyway." stammered Arizona.

"Let me take that to her, so you can get to your consult. Waste not, Want not, right?" Bailey said as she took one of the teas and an apple from Arizona. "Have a nice afternoon Dr. Robbins, nice to see you again." Bailey smirked.

"Thank you, you too" Arizona distractedly responded. What just happened she thought? It didn't matter anyhow; she walked down the stairs towards her office where hours of paperwork were waiting for her to be completed before she could take the following week off. Not to mention the phone call to her parents that she had managed to avoid dialing all day needed to be made.

Bailey approached the nurses' station interrupting the mindless chatter of the scrub nurse, and handed Callie the Chai tea and apple. Callie looked at the doctor perplexed. "From your wife." Bailey answered with raised eyebrows.

"Arizona was here? When?" Callie nervously questioned.

"She said did not want to interrupt; she said she had a 'consult'." Bailey air quoted the word consult; Miranda Bailey was a mind reader, she knew a fabricated excuse any day of the week.

"Tell me she missed the batting lesson? " Callie questioned.

Bailey shook her head, "Sorry. Torres did you have to play dumb and get that man going like that. You've been around enough professional athletes that you could give Ken Griffey Jr. a pointer or two."

"Ugg. At the time it was fun, but I know, I know was stupid. But Arizona never comes to the Ortho wing. He was just so full of himself; I was playing with his head. I didn't think he was going to ask me out." said Callie. "Well, I've got to go." Callie grabbed her tea and apple and took off down the hall.

"What about your coffee?" Jane asked?

"I've had way too much coffee already; it will make me jittery if I have any more." Callie yelled back as she took off down the stairs towards her wife's office.

"Don't you have someplace else to be?" Bailey demanded as she gave the evil eye to Jane. Bailey smiled mischievously as she watched the frustrated scrub nurse leave in a huff. "Those two women will be the death of me." Bailey said exasperatingly.

Xxxxxxxxx

Callie walked into Arizona's office without knocking. She assumed Arizona would be upset, and she was not waiting for an invitation. Arizona was so preoccupied by her thoughts that she did not realize Callie had entered the office. She was surprised to see Callie with tea in hand, taking a big bite out of her apple as she plopped down on the couch, saying. "Thank you for the snack."

The two women, so scared of what might come out of the other's mouth, had reduced much of their conversations to simple pleasantries and kid talk. Arizona had become extremely skittish, so much so that Callie was afraid to touch her; fearful that Arizona would irreparably shatter like Humpty Dumpty; so they kept their distance physically and emotionally. Their Friday appointments were really the only place any meaningful dialogue occurred.

"I know you wanted to talk. It's not just you that wanted to talk, I wanted to talk too. But I know we didn't say when. I could have texted you. I should have texted you first. We can do this at another time." Arizona spluttered.

"Arizona, you're rambling." Callie chuckled.

Arizona smiled, "Sorry."

"Are you all set for next week? Are you up for it?" Callie seriously asked. She did not want their daughter to be in a difficult situation. Sofia's well-being was the most important.

"I think so. No… I am. Bailey is my back-up. If things are more than I can handle, Sofia will go to Bailey's. I know what she has to get done school-wise, we'll be busy. Owen gave me most of the week off; I do have a couple consults that I need to be here for. How about you, all set? I'll drive you to the airport." Arizona replied.

"I hoped you were planning on taking us to the airport; the kids will want to say good bye. I think I am good. If I forget something, it will be a good reason to go shopping." Callie laughed.

After an awkward silence, it was hard to dodge the baseball playing elephant in the middle of the room any longer. "Look Arizona, about Dr. …" Callie started.

"Stop, it doesn't matter. Go to the baseball game. He's seems like a nice guy, you deserve that." Arizona reasoned.

"Are you kidding me?" Callie interjected. "For months you have been in your own little world, oblivious to any of us. Now you are sitting here, clearly stewing, so of course it matters."

"You're beautiful Callie, inside and out. People like being with you, and you're a people person, you need to be with people. I'm not there yet and I might never get there. It's not fair to you. Maybe it's time we …." Arizona apologetically confessed.

Callie indignantly interrupted before Arizona could finish the sentence "I said I wanted a plan, not a divorce." As if a light turned on in Callie's head, she retorted"You're giving up already, you're bailing! I'm not having this discussion now! I told you we needed to talk about this after the trip and that's when we'll talk about. " Callie was incensed. She stood up and walked out of the office, slamming the door.

Arizona was shocked at Callie's outburst. This morning she thought Callie wanted to move on without her, and after what she saw on the Ortho wing, she was convinced; it was a relief. It had lessened the guilt Arizona had been carrying. In Arizona's mind, she considered herself an albatross around Callie's neck and Callie deserves a life that was not burdened with a depressed spouse battling PTSD. "But right now Callie seems to want…us." Arizona thought.

This was already going to be a long night, Arizona deduced. She honestly had to admit she was stewing, after feeling so empty and vapid for months, she felt a pang of something else. It wasn't relief, perhaps it was anger or jealously. There was more to it. Now she was going to have to try really hard to keep her thoughts on her charts and not on Callie.

It was hard not to think about Calliope, Arizona realized.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N 1: I am not sure what expectation is in terms of warnings for triggers since, as previously I mentioned, this is my first story. So I want to share that there are references to illegal drugs in this chapter. Again, many thanks for reading and reviewing; it is truly amazing how international those reading are.

Chapter 5

Arizona plugged away at the endless paperwork consuming her office. She had made the difficult phone call to her parents. She spoke with her mother who was sympathetic to the situation and understood, but it did not make the fact that Sofia was not coming any less disappointing. Sofia was the oldest grandchild and had been the only one they doted on for seven years. Barbara and Daniel were heartbroken to learn that Sofia was not visiting.

Close to 10:15pm her cell phone rang. The caller id said the call was from Sofia, which surprised her since Sofia had been giving her the silent treatment. "Hello? Sofia?" she answered.

"No. Dr. Robbins, it's Lindsey. You need to come quick. It's Sofia, she's sick. "

"She's sick! Where are you?" Arizona asked with clear panic in her voice.

"We're at Johnny Ryder's house on Spruce St." Lindsey cried into the phone.

Hearing the loud music and laughing noises in the background Arizona angrily asked "You're at a party?" She didn't wait for Lindsey to answer. "I'm on my way. Is Sofia conscious?"

"She is, but please hurry." Lindsey urged.

Arizona moved faster than even she thought was possible with her prosthetic. She entered her car, and sped off to Spruce St. It took her just over ten minutes for what should have more like a fifteen minute ride. Cars lined both sides of the street. It was not hard to figure out which house, as kids were coming and going from #39, a blue colonial. Arizona parked at the end of the driveway, and ran inside. Lindsey was trying to keep Sofia, who was sitting on the floor, upright.

"Oh my God." exclaimed Arizona when she saw her barely coherent daughter. "What happened? You were drinking?" Arizona crossly asked as she started examining a dazed and lethargic Sofia, who was struggling to stay awake.

"No, no. We weren't. I promise." Lindsey pleaded. Lindsey had never seen Arizona this livid. "I don't know what happened. We left the dance a bit early, everyone did. A bunch of us were walking home and Johnny invited in. We just were gonna be here for a few minutes. Before we knew it all these kids showed up. It was really hot; we got something to drink from the kitchen. Then Sofia started getting sick."

"Did you both drink the same thing"? Arizona inquired, observing that Lindsey seemed fine.

"Uh, I don't know." Lindsey struggled.

"Think Lindsey!" yelled a fuming Dr. Robbins.

"Um. No. Sofia had Sprite and I had Diet Coke." a frightened Lindsey remembered.

"Oh my God! Someone help! I don't think he's breathing." yelled a panicked voice from the kitchen.

"Stay with her" yelled Arizona as she hurried to the kitchen. Brandon Taft lay on the kitchen floor barely breathing. She maneuvered down beside him, yelling at the stunned teens "Call 911". The party-goers were paralyzed with fear; many of the youth were making a mad dash for the door. Arizona pulled out her phone and dialed the number herself.

"This is Dr. Arizona Robbins. We need at least 2 ambulances at 39 Spruce St. Teens down with possible alcohol or drug poisoning." She handed her phone to a boy standing by her, "Stay on the line with them" she commanded to her young draftee. The young man looked like a bobble-head as his head nervously bounced up and down.

As she checked Brandon out, she realized he was in serious medical distress. His breathing was barely audible. She continued to attempt to clear Brandon's airway. She looked up at the boy whom she had handed her phone to. "Run out to my car, the white BMW in the driveway and get my medical bag from the trunk. "Run!" and she tossed him her keys.

The boy returned in a minute, bag in hand. By this point Brandon was definitely not breathing and she knew that she had only one option left when she could not get his airway clear. She open opened her bag, and pulled out a sharp instrument. To the horror of the few panicked teens who even bothered to stay around, she made an incision right below Brandon's Adam's apple, and performed an emergency tracheotomy.

Arizona was relieved when she heard the ambulances outside; she looked at the boy whom she had conscripted to her service, "Get one of those paramedics to the living room for Sofia Torres." She secured the tube she had inserted into Brandon's throat. Though the color started to return to Brandon's face ever so slightly, he was far from being out of the woods.

While the paramedic secured the ill boy to the gurney, Arizona sought out Sofia. The EMT working on Sofia recognized Arizona from Seattle Grace, "Dr. Robbins?" the surprised EMT asked. She realized as she looked down at her daughter that she had been intubated.

"This is my daughter." a shaken Dr. Robbins stated. As she checked the intubation tube, she heard more sirens outside the rogue house.

A couple policemen walked through the door, and approached her. Arizona explained "I'm Dr. Robbins, I called 911. It's possible that some of the bottles were spiked with something, check the Sprite. There may be more kids sick. I need to go but I will be at Seattle Grace if you have any more questions."

The policeman nodded, and then asked "Are you the homeowner?"

Shaking her head in denial, "No, No. I am not sure where the owners are. I really need to go."

Arizona looked at the barley conscious, but stable Sofia, who was oblivious to what was happening to her right now. The paramedic had placed her on oxygen, and had inserted an IV. The pediatric surgeon confirmed with the paramedic "You are going to Seattle Grace, right? I'll make sure Dr. Karev is waiting for you. I need to ride with the other ambulance." She hoped her patient would stay alive long enough to get him to the hospital.

Arizona sternly looked at Lindsey "You need to call your parents and tell them what happened, and someone needs to call Brandon's parents and have them get to Seattle Grace." Lindsey shamefacedly nodded. Arizona grabbed her cell phone from her young recruit and hurried out to the ambulance.

As the ambulance pulled away, Arizona quickly called Alex Karev, whom she knew was on call tonight. She told him to get an OR ready for her and someone from Cardio as well; she would be arriving with a young male teen that appeared to be bleeding internally. She needed the hearts check on both of the youths. Arizona then told Karev it was Sofia that was in the other ambulance and she needed him to help her.

They still were two minutes out, Brandon was barely holding on. She dialed Callie. "Callie, don't say anything, just listen. You need to get to Seattle Grace, Sofia's sick, she drank something. I'm on my way to the hospital with another kid. Karev is waiting on the ambulance with Sofia. I'm going to need to get to surgery right when I get there. Oh no, I need to go." The alarms started going off; Brandon was coding. The last thing Arizona heard before she ended the call was Callie cry "Oh my God…"

It was 11:15pm; Karev was waiting outside the ER when she arrived in the first ambulance. He had a surgical team ready for his boss and Dr. Yang had been paged. Arizona told him Brandon's parents may or may not know what was going on, but they couldn't wait for them to arrive. She asked him to get the parents on board when they got there. Then she looked at him and begged "Please Karev make sure Sofia is alright. Callie is on her way. Just keep me posted."

Karev answered "Don't worry, I've got this." as he placed a hand on her shoulder. The second ambulance pulled in seconds later.

Surgery finished about 1:00am, Brandon was stable and would hopefully pull through, but whatever he consumed wreaked havoc on his insides. She was able to stop the bleeding, and he was holding own. Arizona took a deep breath as she knew she would need to meet with Brandon's parents whom she was not on exactly cordial terms with.

Brandon and Sofia used to date, but the relationship did not last long. His parents did not approve. Actually, what his parents did not approve of was Callie's and Arizona's relationship. Brandon's super religious parents were homophobic. Arizona knew she had no choice but to do what she did for Brandon, but she worried that Brandon's parents might not see it that way. She knew that in all likelihood she would not have been their surgeon of choice for their son.

Before making her way to the OR waiting room, she tracked down Sofia on the Peds floor. She found Karev monitoring Sofia's stats. Karev had kept Arizona apprised of Sofia's status while she was in surgery, but now she needed to see for herself. Arizona perused the chart, satisfied that Karev did the job she expected him to do, the job she prayed he would do.

Callie was sitting there, by Sofia's bed, devastated to see her daughter hooked up to machines and tubes. Sofia was unconscious, but she would be fine. Sofia needed her stomach pumped. Cristina Yang followed-up with an EKG to monitor the bradycardia, which had been brought on by the ingested drugs. Callie's tear-streaked face looked up at Arizona despondently. Arizona squatted down; facing Callie she placed her two hands on top of her wife's hands. Callie just cried, "She was supposed to come right home after the dance."

Once Callie's tears subsided Arizona whispered "I'll be back. I need to find Brandon's parents." Callie grimaced when Arizona said that. "Yah, I know" Arizona acknowledged. "Not sure how that's going to go. Listen Callie, go home. I got this. Sofia is going to be okay. I need to be here tonight to monitor Brandon anyhow. You need some sleep, you're going away tomorrow. I'll stay right by Sofia's side. Who's watching the kids?"

Callie answered, "We should just cancel the trip, I shouldn't leave. "

"Sofia is going to be fine tomorrow, she'll feel like crap for a day or so but she will be fine, fortunately. It's not fair to penalize the other kids by not going, plus you have some much needed R&R scheduled. Go. I promise I will call you if anything changes. Sofia is not going to be awake for hours." Arizona reassured Callie.

"Okay, Mary came over to watch the kids. I know you have to stay, so I'll go. If things don't improve, I'm not going away. I need to see how Sofia is in the morning." Callie adamantly stated. Mary was their next door neighbor and it was now almost 1:30am. Callie knew that as wonderful as her neighbor was, she really should relieve her.

"Okay" answered Arizona as she instinctively gave Callie a warm embrace. As Arizona pulled away, it suddenly occurred to Callie that this was the first time they had hugged in a long time. Arizona's touch wrapped her like a security blanket. She felt cold and alone when her wife removed her arms.

Arizona rose and made her way to the OR waiting room, where Brandon's parents anxiously stood up upon seeing her. Arizona took a deep breath, and proceeded cautiously, "Mr. and Mrs. Taft, Brandon is out of surgery and stable. He had acute gastrointestinal bleeding, which we fixed. He needed an emergency tracheotomy in the field which I did. The hole on his neck will close within a few weeks. His heart looks like there is no permanent damage, but our Cardio doctor, Dr. Yang, will continue to monitor him. Brandon will remain on oxygen at least for the night. We'll be watching him closely tonight. He will need to be here for a few days, but barring any complications he should make a full recovery. I will have one of the nurses take you to him in ICU."

Will Taft, Brandon's father looked appreciatively at the pediatric surgeon, and emotionally exclaimed "Thank you Dr. Robbins, if you weren't there, he would have died. We know what happened and we know what you did. You needed to leave you own daughter to save our son. Thank you so much. It's just that… "

His wife, Melissa tearfully cut in "We were so lucky you were there. It's like divine intervention is the only way to explain this. God put you there, how else to explain that you were at that house in time to save Brandon. Thank you"

Arizona remained motionless. "I need to go, but the nurses can page me if you need anything."

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Before she returned to Sofia's room, Arizona made her way to the ER waiting room to check on Karev. Three more Jefferson High students had been admitted, though none as serious as Brandon. Like Sophia, they all needed their stomachs pumped. Karev was managing this; he knew Arizona needed to be with Sofia and he was the on-call doctor. But Arizona wanted to make sure her protégé was all set just the same.

The waiting room had a dozen or so people in it, parents and a few teens, waiting on news of their loved ones and friends. She saw the Woodsons sitting in the corner. Mike Woodson, Lindsey's father, saw Arizona and quickly approached her, pulling her into a much appreciated bear hug. "Arizona how's Sofia? I couldn't believe it when Lindsey called me. We were expecting the two to come right home after the dance, I was supposed to give Sofia a ride home." he sympathetically spoke.

Taking a moment to soak up the strength and support being offered by her's and Callie's good friend, Arizona finally let her tears fall. Arizona cried on the shoulder of her friend. Sofia could have easily been as sick as Brandon or even worse had she not received medical attention when she did. Arizona shut out the thoughts of Sofia dying there, on that living room floor. What had Melissa Taft said, 'Divine Intervention'? It was a miracle that she had been there at the moment she needed to be. "What if..." she halted that thought before it could invade her mind any further. She sobbed even more when she reminded herself that Sofia was not even speaking to her. After a minute or so, Arizona composed herself and finally remembered to answer Mike. "Sofia will be fine after a day or so"

Barbara, with her own tears shedding at this point, reached out and pulled Arizona towards her. As a mother and as a friend who loves Sofia like a daughter, Barbara needed the hug as much as Arizona did, "Oh, Arizona, it. I don't understand. The girls, our girls don't do stuff like this. How's Callie holding up?" she blubbered.

The two couples had been friends for years, since the two girls found each other. The two were joined at the hip so often that it was only natural that a warm relationship between the families evolved. The Woodsons were well aware of the turmoil the Robbins-Torres household was undergoing. They worried that this might be the straw that would break the camel's strained back.

"Callie is hanging in there, but only by a thread. I told her to go home, and get some sleep, if that is even possible. I'm staying the night with Sofia. Sofia won't be conscious for awhile." Arizona tiredly explained.

Mike handed Arizona her cars keys, "I drove your car over, it's in the lot out front."

Arizona took the keys from Mike, "Gosh, I forgot all about my car. Thanks." she said appreciatively.

Mike continued, "The police have been by, they are certain a couple of the soda bottles were tainted with something. The think it's GHB or Rohypnol. I think they are going to want to talk to you and Sofia at some point."

"Are you sure, the date rape drug? These are kids, that stuff can be deadly. I knew that it was a problem in more of a college setting or in bars, but in _our_ high school?" Arizona incredulously asked.

"The police are still investigating, but it seems some kids from out of town were there, some were older. With cells phones, it doesn't take much for word of a party to spread like wildfire. Or in this case a non-party to become an out of control rager. It's hard to fathom that this literally happened in our own backyard." Mike discouragingly stated.

Arizona noticed Lindsey sitting on the coach in the corner, knees pulled to her chest, staring blankly out the window into the dark, black abyss. Arizona walked over to the teen, sat next to her on the coach, and protectively put her arm around Lindsey's shoulders.

"How's Sofia?" Lindsey sadly asked.

"She's going to be ok, thanks to you. I'm so proud of you for calling me. Knowing that I would be upset, I am sure it was hard." Arizona explained.

Lindsey shrugged her shoulders, "It was pretty stupid to go to Johnny's. We should have left when all those kids showed up. And we were getting ready to leave, it was just so hot, and we were thirsty. I'm really sorry Dr. Robbins"

"It was not your best decision, but that's a conversation for another time." Arizona solemnly agreed.

"I want to ask you something." Arizona said.

Lindsey turned and looked at Arizona. Arizona continued "I'm curious why you called me. I'm sure you know Sofia is very upset with me right now; she's not even speaking to me but still you chose to call me instead of Dr. Torres."

Lindsey nodded "One night, at Meg's sleepover a couple weeks ago, we were all talking about which parent we would call if we were in big trouble. I said my dad, I know he'd be pissed, but at that moment he would keep his cool and get through the crisis. My mom would just flip out on the spot, making everything worse. Sofia said she would call you. She said the consequences with you are always tougher than with Dr. Torres but you wouldn't freak out, at least until later. You always give her a chance to explain her side before passing judgment. Dr. Torres is great, but she is more, er, emotional in the moment."

Arizona smiled, thinking about how Callie does 'freak-out' sometimes. Arizona pondered what Lindsey said. "Only a couple weeks ago Sofia said that?" she thought. Then Arizona remembered what Dr. Michaels suggested this morning, "perhaps Sofia really does love me more than I am giving her credit for?" the doctor contemplated.

Arizona gave Lindsey another reassuring squeeze and said "Sofia won't be awake for awhile, it's very late. If you want to stop by in the morning, I am sure she would love to see you. Visiting hours start at 9:00am."

Lindsey nodded, "How long will she need to be here?"

"I'm not sure, in her case I'm the parent not the doctor" Arizona smiled, "but either later today or Sunday would be my guess." Arizona stood up and said her goodbyes to the Woodsons, and anxiously made her way to Sofia's room.

Dr. Alex Karev noticed Arizona's interaction with the young teen and her parents; it occurred to him that his mentor actually hugged them. In the hospital, Dr. Robbins had become so reserved and standoffish; she rarely displayed any public signs of affection the last few months. Maybe his boss was finally getting her mojo back. "I guess it takes a crisis, to shake a crisis or whatever." he thought and returned to his charts.

xxxxxxxx

a/n 2: I don't have a medical background, but I did try to make sure that medical references were somewhat accurate based on my limited research. My apologies if I missed the boat on some things.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Arizona returned to the Peds ward, she had been functioning on autopilot since her cell phone first rang the night before and finally her emotions were taking control. She slipped into Sofia's room, noticing that Callie must have taken her suggestion and gone home, which relieved her and scared her_. Callie should have been the one to stay. She's the better parent, _Arizona reasoned.

Cristina Yang entered the room, disrupting her wallowing. "The EKG is good, no damage to the heart. She will be okay." Cristina advised.

"What?"Arizona asked, clearly not paying attention.

"Arizona, are you listening to me?" Yang questioned.

Arizona distractedly replied "What? Uh, no?" I'm sorry. I'm a …"

"Look I get it, you're upset, you are supposed to be, but Sofia is going to be fine. She'll feel lousy enough that she'll never want to attend another party. As her godmother, I'm good with that." Cristina quipped.

"I know, I'm sorry, it's not that. Callie should have been the one to stay. She's the better parent. I'm not even sure I qualify as a parent at this point. In Sofia eyes, I'm not her mother. Sofia needs her, not me. Tonight is the first time in what, more than 100 nights that I'm actually spending the night with one of my family members and it's not even at home, not that trading placing with Callie would be a better option. I feel like this is my fault. I haven't been there; it's been a lot for Callie to manage. She can't keep track of everything. "

"You're being absurd." Cristina snapped.

"I don't think you understand." Arizona responded belligerently.

Cristina was irked by Arizona's comment "Oh, I get it. Just because I don't have kids, doesn't mean I don't empathize. You're right, you have checked out the last few months, but you haven't quit - yet, though I can tell you are thinking about it. I know that look. I was on that mountain too, Arizona. I remember – all of it. Hell, I couldn't forget if I wanted to. You know what, I never thought I could be a parent, I didn't want it. But you're strong and giving, you've been a parent and you still are. Right now you are figuring it out. "

Cristina didn't stop there. "But this is bigger that you are, as long as you insist on being your own person it is going to be hard – it might even be insurmountable. Callie was _'your person'_, she should be _'your person'_ but you won't let her. You won't let anyone help you. Guess what, now your insular life sucks. What I do know is that tonight you were a parent first, then a doctor. When you got that call, you never thought twice about what to do, you just reacted on instinct. I saw how torn you were leaving Sofia in Karev's capable hands. Look at you, you're letting fear win. Did you fight this long, this hard to give up now?"

Cristina finished preaching and she wondered if her sermon fell on deaf ears as Arizona remained unmoved. Cristina just walked away, frustrated that this woman has chosen to sequester herself from her friends and family. Unbeknownst to Cristina, Arizona Robbins turned to watch her colleague depart as she mulled the words of the woman who had become her unlikely ally. Four nights stranded on a mountain, cheating death created the oddest of friendships Arizona contemplated.

Sofia was hooked up to oxygen, an IV and a catheter. As a doctor she saw patients like this every day, and she just took it in stride. As a parent, the sight was truly frightening. Yes, she was frightened, Cristina might be right. It was like déjà vu as she thought back 15 years ago, never dreaming that image would repeat itself.

Arizona pulled a chair closer to her daughter's bedside and decided to hold her hand as she settled in for what was left of the night. Sofia seemed to avoid all physical contact with Arizona, and Arizona was more perfunctory in her actions anyhow, hugging a pillow would probably be more comforting than hugging her she concluded.

For the next few hours she replayed the last months in her head, frame by frame, wondering how her drama would end. Could she write her own ending or was she doomed to be stuck in what was anything but the pretty pink bubble that she missed so much?

At 5:30am her pager went off, it jostled her from her thoughts. It was Brandon's room. Sofia would probably be waking soon, she thought, but she reluctantly stood. She quickly headed to the ICU, hoping to return as fast as possible.

Cristina Yang was walking down the hall and saw Arizona quickly depart to what she could only assume was due to an urgent page. Cristina stopped at the nurse's station and took the liberty of reviewing Sofia's chart - again.

She decided to take the opportunity spend a few moments with her godchild while no one was around, lest her colleagues might figure she does in fact have a heart. She entered the room and planted herself in the chair vacated by Arizona. Cristina thought of what she would actually say to the teen once she was awake. In the godmother job description, there must be some profound words she would be expected to expound to Sofia, who put her own well-being in danger and scared the shit out of her.

'What the hell were you thinking?' probably would not be appropriate Cristina grumbled to herself.

After taking a few minutes process the last 12 hours, Cristina stood up and approached the hospital bed. Knowing that being the daughter of two, well three if you count Sloan, doctors, she was certain that Sofia and her heart had been checked a hundred times already, but once more wouldn't hurt, she reasoned. The worried godmother listened to the young girl's heart, and breathing, satisfied that that all was good and she left the room with Sofia still unconscious.

Xxxxxxx

Not long after, a doctor peered through the window of the hospital room and could see Dr. Karev and his intern were removing the intubation tube; the unconscious teen only seemed to stir slightly. Once the task was completed, the two left the room.

The doctor entered the room and sat in the chair that had most recently been vacated Cristina Yang. There was no way the physician was going to let this child wake up alone and this child was visibly close to waking.

Close to 7:00am Sofia opened her eyes, as she looked around the foreign room, a panicked look spread across her face under the uncomfortable oxygen mask. She ripped the mask off, started to hyperventilate. She had no idea where she was or how she got there. She knew she was in a hospital but how she ended up here was beyond her comprehension.

Her thoughts of the last day were foggy, everything was scrambled. She felt awful, a wretched nausea heaved in her stomach as dry heaves rose through her, her head and throat hurt; she had no idea why. The worst of it was that no one was there, not even either of her mothers. "Her mothers." she thought. "Why weren't they here?"

Sofia peered under her covers trying to determine what the tube was coming from her body when she heard a voice remark "So you've discovered your catheter?"

Sofia quickly pulled her head out from under the covers and secured the sheet tightly around her body, with her arms tight to her sides. She was simultaneously relieved and embarrassed to see a familiar face off to the side, out of her direct view. She looked over to see Dr. Bailey looking at her. "I'm assuming it was the catheter you were looking at?" Dr. Bailey deduced "So the urine in your bladder can be relieved."

Sofia groaned, turning a shade of pink.

Dr. Bailey examined the teen. "I think we can dispense with this." she said having walked over to the bed, as she shut off the oxygen. Bailey noticed the watery eyes of her young friend. "You don't remember what happened, do you?"

Sofia shook her head, confirming that she was clueless as to what brought her to Seattle Grace.

"How are you feeling?" Bailey asked

"Gross." The girl hoarsely whispered.

"Look, your Mama is here, she's been with you all night. She just was paged to check on another patient. You're going to be alright, you're lucky. You were brought in just in time. " Sofia remained speechless, but her eyes shot up at Dr. Bailey in horror. _'What did that mean?'_ Sofia questioned silently.

Miranda Bailey did not think it was her business to explain the events of the last night to the teen. That was her mother's job, because Miranda Bailey did not get into people's personal business. "I'm going to let Robbins know you're awake." Bailey told girl, "It's going to be fine", she said squeezing the girl's leg gently as she left the room.

Dr. Arizona Robbins was just finishing up with Brandon when she got the page for her daughter's room. Brandon showed some slight improvement over night, he was still very weak. She left instructions for the resident, she reassured the stricken parents that he was improving and hurried back to Peds.

She cautiously opened the door to see her daughter gazing out the window. She could see Sophia had been crying. She approached the bed and pulled Sofa into a hug, which was not reciprocated. Sophia remained statue-like.

"It's okay, you're okay." Tears streamed down Arizona's cheek as she said these words. "I love you, you know that? Right?" Arizona added. Sofia continued with a vacant stare.

"Do you remember what happened?" her mother asked. Sofia shook her head to indicate _'no'_.

"What's the last thing you do remember?" Arizona questioned.

Sofia paused and thought about what happened; it was sketchy. "We stopped at Johnny's."

Arizona stood, with her hands in her lab coat pocket, looked down at her child and knew she needed to explain the ordeal, at least as much as she knew at this point, to Sofia, "You drank something that was tainted."

Sofia looked confused. "I don't understand."

"It seems that whatever you drank at the Ryder's house had some sort of drug in it. It appears that you and Lindsey drank from different bottles. Lindsey is fine. She called me when you started getting sick. That phone call may have saved your life or at least from being even more sick" Arizona explained.

"I remember lots of people, did anyone else get sick? Sofia asked in a croaky voice

"A few kids" Arizona shared

"I'm sorry" Sofia genuinely offered.

"It wasn't your fault. You were poisoned Sofia. The police are investigating." her mother said to assuage the teen's guilty conscious.

"Can I just go home? I want to go home." Sofia begged tearfully.

"I'm not your doctor, Dr. Karev is. It's his decision when to release you. I'm sure there is more follow-up blood work, another EKG, and you'll need to urinate on your own" Arizona said looking in the direction of the catheter tubing.

Sofia blushed realizing that not only did someone need to insert the catheter, but someone will need to remove it. Arizona smiled understanding that her daughter just grasped that her modesty had been compromised. Not to mention that her clothing obviously had been removed as she was wearing a hospital gown. "Will Dr. Karev be the one, ah, you know? He's not the one who...? Sofia sheepishly stammered. Karev had been the teen's first crush, and truth be known, she still found him cute.

"I'll see what I can do." Arizona smiled. This was probably the longest conversation the two had shared in ages. "Mom will be in soon, I need to let her know you are awake." Sofia nodded slightly.

"What day is it? Sofia asked still shaken over the vague timeline of the last day.

"It's Saturday." Arizona replied

"They're supposed to leave today, Mom and the kids." Sofia stated.

"Maybe, last night Mom was not sure whether or not she was comfortable leaving you." Arizona explained.

"They should go; it's not fair for them to stay because of me." Sofia concluded apologetically.

"We'll see, it's up to Mom." Arizona advised. "I need to call her. Let me turn on the TV, but you should try to rest more. We'll need to talk more about this later, but right now you need to get your strength back. Someone will be in shortly for more blood work, and I will be back soon." Arizona kissed her daughter's forehead and left the hospital room. While Sofia outwardly remained aloof, deep down she was relieved to see Arizona, and reassured to see signs that her mother still cared.

xxxxxxx

Arizona called Callie, it's was 7:30am; she hated to wake her if she was still sleeping. But most likely Callie probably had not slept. Callie answered right off. "Is she awake? Things are better, right?"

"It's good Callie. She is awake, and talking, though she does not remember much from last night, not that she would."

"Mary is coming over at 8:00am, so I can come in. I don't want the other kids to see her like this."

"She's off the oxygen, so it's a little less scary but she still looks terrible. I told her you weren't sure about the trip. She wants you to go." Arizona added.

"Arizona, I need to see her first. I'm going to feel guilty either way." Callie said in a discouraged tone.

"It's your call. I need to follow-up with some of the results for Brandon, so if I'm not with Sofia, just page me when you get here." Arizona advised.

"I will. Got to go, the boys are fighting again." Callie said in an annoyed tone.

Arizona felt a little guilty knowing Callie was off to serve as a referee for Carlos and Danny; their rough-housing had escalated in the last few months; Callie always had to be the bad guy lately, doling out the time-outs, bans from Xbox or the TV. She knew that was on her, the fear of conflict only promoted her to keep her distance. "Okay, see you when you get here." Arizona responded and ended the phone call.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Arizona, Alex, a few of the residents and interns were meeting on the five teens who had been admitted to SGMW the previous night. It was important that everyone was on board as to how to manage this type of situation; there was always the concern that additional cases may occur within the community. They were still waiting on the toxology results for the youths who had been poisoned, but all the evidence pointed to GHB or Rohypnol. All the teens appeared to be on the road to recovery, with Brandon the most severe case.

Arizona's phone vibrated, a text from Callie_: __**I'm here**_

Callie entered Sofia's room and held her daughter so tight Sofia hurt. Sofia could tell her mother was scared. "Oh Sofia. What happened? When Mama called about this I was so scared. Watching you with those tubes, not conscious was awful. I never thought I would need to see you like that again." Callie started crying, not that the tears had actually stopped since she first received Arizona's call.

"Mom, I'm…" Sofia tried to interject.

"No! Don't you understand, this is my worst fear, something happening to you or any of the kids. My fear was coming true last night. You were supposed to come straight home." Then Callie seamlessly switched to Spanish. Callie had moved on from panic to frustration. This was just another reminder of how much control she lacked in her personal life; as a top orthopedic surgeon she could almost always determine the outcome. As a spouse and a parent, she felt she controlled so little these days.

Arizona finished reviewing the protocol with her staff and excused herself from the meeting, headed towards Sofia's room. Cristina Yang was looking through the glass into the room and said, "Good, you're here. I thought I might have to rescue Sofia, but now you can."

Arizona gave Cristina a confused look. Cristina explained "Callie has moved to the Spanish speaking part of her lecture. Sofia has not managed to get more than a couple words in. I figured as her godmother I might have to give her a little support but now that you're here, you can."

Cristina Yang was getting a little pushy Arizona thought after having this second bothersome conversation with her within only a few hours. With an exasperated look, Arizona took her leave of Cristina Yang and entered Sofia's hospital room.

However, Cristina Yang was well aware that her colleague was perturbed with her. Arizona Robbins liked control - professionally and personally; she liked to figure it out on her own. As a rule, she did not take too kindly to people telling her how to run her department or her family. Right now that approach was not working for her at least on a personal level. A serious wakeup call is what this woman needs Yang reasoned. Yang had no problem being the bad cop, truth be known, she cared too much to see this family fall apart. Since reason and patience had not been effective with Dr. Robbins, Cristina opted for pushy and prodding.

Arizona entered the room; "Hi" she announced, which was enough to settle down a ranting Callie. Arizona walked over to the blinds on the window that looked out into the hallway and shut them. Well meaning friends were checking in, but right now this was a _'family only'_ discussion, Arizona was not up for any more _'advice'_.

"I'm glad you're here Callie. Karev said Sofia can go home later today. We are pretty sure it was Rohypnol or something in that family. It dissipates over twelve hours or so, it should be just about through her system, though Sofia is going to be pretty nauseous for a day or two." Arizona dutifully explained in her best Pediatric surgeon persona. Arizona sounded more like Sofia's doctor than parent. Callie stood there dumbfounded.

"Say something Callie." Arizona requested.

"I'm not sure what else to say, I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to leave in a few hours for a vacation with three kids. My oldest child is sitting in a hospital room, lucky to be alive." Callie left out _'and my wife doesn't know if she wants to be married anymore._' for Sofia's benefit.

"Go on the trip Mom, please." Sofia pleaded. "It's not the kids' fault this happened."

It would be so much easier for Arizona if the trip was canceled and she let Callie manage Sofia. Arizona had actually considered encouraging Callie to do just that, but then she thought of her parents' sadness, Carlos, Danny and Anna and how disappointed they would be, the guilt that Sofia would feel and of course, there was Callie. Callie was already on overload from the four months that Arizona had essentially abandoned her; Arizona feared Callie would crack without the time away.

Arizona berated herself mentally._ 'Why is this so hard for me? One week in my house with one child, my child'._ She knew it was not the house nor Sofia that was holding her back, it was the helplessness. The thoughts of the crash were omnipresent. She felt vulnerable and unable to escape them. Those recollections had lay dormant for over ten years, but now they returned. The PTSD forced Arizona to morph into someone she did not recognize, someone she did not like. In her mind's eye, Arizona Robbins was weak, angry, fearful and ashamed. She just wanted to hide that person from everyone, including herself.

Sensing Callie's overwhelmed state, Arizona knew she needed to do something. She was still a parent, that was not going to change whether she moved back home or not, whether she stayed married or not. She felt like a hypocrite encouraging all these parents of sick children to hang in there, and here she was ready to thrown in the towel. The pediatric surgeon steeled her fears and made a determination: Arizona Robbins needed to suck it up. Callie had to get away regardless of how overwhelming it felt.

Arizona pulled on her big girl pants and proceeded full steam ahead, anxiousness and stress notwithstanding. After exhaling a deep breath, Arizona said "Sofia is right, you should go. She is not going to be up for much for a few days, not to mention all the work she has to get done. She's grounded anyway, it's not like she can go anywhere even if she was up for it. She'll be with me 24/7."

"Grounded, why am I grounded? You said this was not my fault. I am stuck with you all week?" Sofia agitatedly responded to Arizona's edict.

"I said it wasn't your fault you ingested the drugs. Did you or did you not tell Mom you were going straight home after the dance?" Arizona calmly inquired.

"I told her I was going straight home." Sofia sadly agreed.

"If you had asked to go to Johnny's what would either of us said?" Arizona continued.

"You would have asked if his parents would be there and called them. " Sofia admitted. It was impossible to challenge her mother's dogma. The woman was so calm, cool, collected and right. It was maddening.

"They weren't there, and things got out of control. Fortunately, you are going to be okay. But you are grounded for two weeks for going somewhere without permission." Arizona made clear.

Callie gaped at Arizona, relieved and shocked that she did not have to be the judge and jury on this one. The two women always seemed to be on the same page – or at least used to be on the same page, when it came to their children, though Callie thought she might have said one week for Sofia's grounding. Arizona was always a bit tougher when she dispensed the punishments.

"Two weeks are you kidding? That's not fair." Sofia's scratchy voice squeaked.

"It's not up for debate Sofia." Callie replied so her daughter, who seemed to be under the impression that Arizona had no right to punish her under the circumstances, would be clear that Arizona indeed had her full support.

"Callie, go on the trip. If anything changes you can just fly home early. Look, Sofia seems to be returning to her feisty teenage self." Arizona smirked.

"Okay, I'll go…." Callie teared up again. In seeing her mother cry, Sofia's eyes welled also.

"Why don't I walk you out?" Arizona suggested before Callie unraveled anymore. Certainly Arizona was tentative at best in her conviction that she could do this, but she attempted to put up a strong front for Callie's benefit.

She knew that Sofia's health was only part of the reason Callie was crying. Before the Friday night Sofia drama, Callie had stormed out of her office. She knew Callie was concerned if she left, she was not sure what she might come home to. Arizona shared the same fear. Arizona's inclination was to run from this, yet as she considered the seclusion that had been her refuge, it too did not feel any more sheltered lately.

Callie sat on her daughter's bed and gave her a heartfelt hug. "Oh Sofia…"

"Mom, I'm sorry" Sofia cried "Go on the trip, please. Like Mama said, I'm just going to be home. The boys and Anna are only going to drive me crazy." Callie reluctantly agreed with Sofia's assessment.

"Oh Sofia, I love you so much, I hate leaving you like this. I will check in with you every day." Callie promised her daughter.

As the two women walked out of hospital, side by side, Callie admitted "Arizona, it doesn't feel right to go. And it doesn't feel fair to stay. Everything is so complicated lately. "

"Not everything, it's me. I'm complicated." Arizona acknowledged.

Callie had to concur. "I'm nervous about going away…."

"Without me." Arizona finished Callie's sentence. Callie nodded in agreement.

"We've never taken a vacation apart in fifteen years." Callie explained.

"Have fun, you need to have fun. Addison is great." Arizona surmised.

They reached the minivan, an awkward silence rested between them. Both women were not only at a loss for words but for actions. "I'll be by soon to drive you to the airport. " Arizona advised as she stood there with her hands in her pockets.

Callie opened the door and was just about to hop in when she turned around and gave Arizona a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks." Then she drove home.

Arizona touched her cheek in amazement. _'I forgot how that felt.' _It felt good.

xxxxx

Arizona returned to the Peds floor, and found that Lindsey had come to visit her best friend. Lindsey must have arrived while she walked Callie out. Lindsey had returned Sofia's cell phone to her, much to Sofia's delight. Sofia felt that despite being trapped in a hospital bed, she could at least connect to the outside world.

"Hi Lindsey." Arizona greeted the teen. "Oh, I'll take that." Arizona insisted as she confiscated Sofia's cell phone much to Lindsey's amazement.

"Hey, that's my cell phone!" Sofia barked

"You're right, it is, but you're grounded. When you are ground there are no electronics – that includes computers, X-box, video games and cell phones." Arizona pronounced.

"That is so unfair. I still hate you!" Sofia bellowed.

"Sof, don't say that." Lindsey begged.

"Look Sofia, the rules are the rules. I'm sorry you think they are unfair." Arizona rationalized. Arizona decided with Lindsey here, this would be a good time to take her leave, before their challenged mother/daughter relationship deteriorated any further.

"I'll be back in a few hours; I need to take Mom and the kids to the airport. If you need me, there is a phone by your bed or ask one of the nurses to call." Arizona told her daughter. Sofia glared at her mother who acknowledged the look with a deep breath and left the room. Arizona silently repeated her mantra for the week: _'I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.'_

Arizona went to the nurses' station, leaving the two girls alone. Arizona knew it was severe taking the phone, but it was their family policy; her parents never bent the rules when she and Tim were growing up, she maintained the same follow-through with her children. Sofia would have to get over it. She had a few loose ends to wrap up with Alex Karev prior to leaving.

Finally, she had one final task left before she could leave: to page Miranda Bailey. She had a favor to ask involving a catheter.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Continued thanks for reading, following and reviewing. This is an amazing community.

Chapter 8

Arizona arrived to the house a bit earlier than Callie was expecting; it was a welcome relief. Bedlam, infused by the imminent vacation departure, would be an accurate description of the scene she walked into. Callie looked totally exhausted, having not slept the night before, tagged Arizona as she walked through the door, "You're It."

This was a game of survival they played over the years when one was at the end of her rope; the newcomer became "It". There was an unspoken understanding that the other just needed a break, and when the code word was spoken, the other took over.

Callie cheerfully observed Arizona attempting to take control of the chaos created by the excited children. Arizona, in due course, corralled the threesome with the incentive of chocolate milk with lunch if they found their way to the dining table before she counted to ten. Once settled, it didn't take long for everyone to be fed, cleaned up and loaded in the minivan for the trip to the airport.

Before leaving the house, Callie told Arizona that Sofia had called, rankled about the loss of her cell phone and the annihilation of her favorite jeans that had been cut off her when she was admitted to the emergency room. She asked Callie to give Arizona a change of clothes. Arizona made a mental note that Sofia preferred to call Callie and not her, not an auspicious sign to start the week together.

Callie handed Arizona a backpack with an outfit for Sofia, imparting two words of wisdom: "Good luck."

Callie was frustrated with Sofia's temperamental behavior lately and now Sofia appeared to be clashing with Arizona, particularly since the meeting at school a few days earlier. Arizona and Sofia had become sadly distant in the previous months but this was a new low. Not that she found Arizona's behavior acceptable these last few months, but there was a big difference between battling PTSD and teenage moodiness. Callie had been cutting Arizona a lot of slack, praying that Arizona would find her way back to them.

Callie could not help but be apprehensive about the week the mother/daughter would share. But Callie knew that she needed to let Arizona manage this. It was the first time in a long time that Arizona took the initiative on child-rearing responsibilities. Callie needed to let this week to run its course despite the fact that she knew it could make or break the relationship between Arizona and Sofia, and in turn that could foreshadow how Arizona's relationship to everyone else would unfold.

xxxxx

The ride to the airport was abuzz with questions, comments and animation. The kids' energy level conveniently barred any conversation between the mothers. Arizona dropped the family off at the airport curb, and parked the van. Callie and her small entourage had successfully checked the luggage in and received their boarding passes by the time Arizona returned from parking the van.

The crew made their way to security. "Are you set for this?" Callie dutifully confirmed with Arizona. Maintaining their politically correct parley, Arizona reassured Callie "I really am ready for this week."

"How about you? Any second-thoughts about leaving?" Arizona questioned.

"I'm good. Five days at a lavish resort with my good friend Addy, what's not to like?" Callie replied somewhat lackluster. Both women knew they had already passed the point of no return, and their inquiries were merely courtesies.

The only thing lacking from this seemingly heartfelt exchange was candor; both women were both nervous wrecks and ready for nothing.

At security, hugs and kisses were exchanged with the children. Arizona was teary. Plane rides made Arizona scared, she was understandably nervous. Anna wiped her mother's tears and said "Don't be sad Mama, I'll be back soon. I'll get you and Sofia a present from Disneyland, I promise." Of course, Arizona cried even more. The last twenty-four hours had turned Arizona into leaky water faucet. After the dearth of emotions over the last months she found it unnerving to now lack control over her feelings.

Callie told Arizona she would let her know when she got to her parents, and affectionately embraced Arizona, who was clearly caught off-guard by the gesture. Arizona, after taking a moment to realize what was happening, returned the agreeable intimation. Callie discerned that the hug was not automatic for Arizona. This troubled Callie and she deliberated that reality. Turning with Anna in her arms and the boys at her side, Callie headed for the gate. Arizona remained until the view of her family ebbed.

xxxxxxx

Returning to the hospital late afternoon, Arizona found Sofia chomping at the bit to leave. She noticed her daughter was tube free. Arizona greeted Sofia, "You are looking better. Here, Mom put some clothes together for you." as she handed Sofia the backpack.

"Thanks. Can I change? Dr. Karev said I was fine. Aunt Cristina listened to my heart for the 100th time and told me I better not ever do that again. I needed to pee for Dr. Bailey after she took care of the other stuff. I really just want to go home." Sofia begged.

"Go. I'll track down the discharge papers." Arizona said. As she entered the hallway, she was met by one Miranda Bailey who was not only holding the discharge papers, but also a pizza box and a large bottle of ginger ale.

"Arizona, you know the drill, sign these. Call me if you need me." Arizona nodded.

"Now this is for you." Bailey handed Arizona the pizza box. "I am sure Sofia does not even want to look at food right now, but she might like the ginger ale. But I am quite certain that you have not eaten since yesterday, and you could use a good night's sleep as well. Doctor's orders, now get out of here Arizona."

Arizona smiled at the caring gesture of her compassionate friend. At that moment she realized she hadn't eaten since the apple yesterday. Sofia, fully dressed, found her mother, thanked Dr. Bailey and the two exited the hospital for home.

Xxxxxx

Her three children, their faces pressed against the small plane window, gazing at the puffy white clouds, mesmerized Callie. They were deciding what the clouds looked like, a dog, a bunny, Sofia when her hair was wrapped in a towel. They loved being so high in the sky, like the birds and the astronauts. As much as she would have opted to rest her eyes, the energy of her three youngest children prevented her from doing so. Anna sat in the seat next to her, the two boys in the seats in front of her. It was therapeutic just watching them, easy and carefree. Life should be this simple she thought, then her minded wandered to the two absent family members, both who had a few challenges before them.

Sofia had always been ideal, an ideal student and daughter. This recent change in her personality and work ethic was troubling. But given what had transpired with Arizona, Callie thought she really could not be shocked. Plus teenagers are unpredictable, hormonal and emotional, everyone said _'it's a stage, it will pass'_. Of course, they didn't say when.

Fortunately, she noted that Sofia appeared to be willing to get the schoolwork completed. She hoped that Arizona and Sofia would be able to at least work together this week, maybe call a truce. Arizona really did do a great job explaining math and science. Callie smiled thinking that Arizona was probably a bit geeky as a high school student, which would explain her wife's enthusiasm with homework help.

That reminded her of her other problem: Arizona. How did things get so bad? One nightmare turning to many. The panic stricken night terrors. Arizona drifting away, and of course, apart from her and their children. It started with a night or two at the hospital, then a week. Then…

She was shocked when Arizona told her she couldn't sleep at home anymore, that it was too hard. _'I was flabbergasted.' _Callie acknowledged to herself when Arizona came home one night after the kids were in bed and packed her things. She said it was just until she could get through _it_; that she couldn't take the nights. Even right after the crash, despite the strained marital relationship between the two at the time, Arizona never left. Callie never thought that years later the crash would still be her nemesis.

"I should have said _'no'_, forced her to stay" Callie reprimanded herself. At the time Callie told Arizona that as long as she was in counseling, she would support her decision. Also, Callie had looked like she had gone a couple rounds with Mohammed Ali, it was hard to not see the logic in Arizona's reasoning. Arizona was worried she might unknowingly lash out at the kids; Arizona was already beating herself up over the broken nose. If Callie had ever thought that four months later Arizona would be thinking of making the separation permanent, Callie would have tried a different approach. Hindsight was 20-20.

Two and a half hours later the plane landed at LAX. Callie and her three children made their way to baggage claim to be met by two overjoyed grandparents. "Callie" yelled out an excited Barbara Robbins. Callie did not know who was more excited to see whom, as the children sprinted into the arms of Daniel and Barbara Robbins. She wished Arizona were here to see this reunion, to be reminded how comforting family and togetherness can be.

"Barbara, so great to see you." Callie genuinely answered, as she soundly hugged her mother-in-law. Callie knew she had extraordinary in-laws. They treated her like their own daughter. Certainly her relationship with Barbara Robbins far exceeded the relationship she had with her own, estranged mother. Barbara and Daniel never judged. Though, Arizona felt she had let down her parents these last few months. Daniel and Barbara were concerned and worried. They were not judging Callie or Arizona for the current state of affairs. There would be no blame laid regardless of the outcome.

Daniel, with both boys latched on to his legs, wobbled over to Callie and surrounded her with a warm hug. "Callie, we are so glad you are here. What are you feeding the troops, they are growing like weeds?"

"Daniel, it is so wonderful to be here. The kids are so excited to spend time with you and Barbara. I guess they have grown since Thanksgiving." Callie affectionately commented.

It was not long before they arrived at the Robbins' modest home in a suburb near Los Angeles. The two boys would sleep in one room. Callie and Anna would share the other bedroom. Callie was leaving in the morning to meet Addison for their brief holiday away. The two friends would be spending Sunday afternoon, through Friday morning at a first class resort/spa not too far outside of Los Angeles. The plan was for her to meet her children and in-laws Friday morning at Disneyland. The family would be returning to Seattle on Saturday afternoon.

Barbara Robbins had dinner all organized, so she simply needed to serve it once they all arrived to her home. "Callie dear, you look exhausted. I am serving you first so you can get right to bed. When was the last time you slept?" Barbara asked in a concerned tone.

Callie gratefully accepted the plate of food offered by her mother-in-law. "It's been almost 36 hours." She reluctantly admitted. Her mother-in-law was very perceptive, there was no point in telling her anything but the truth as the older woman saw right through it.

Once Callie had finished eating Barbara said "Off to bed, Daniel and I have this. You really do need some time away, but you won't enjoy it if you are too tired." Barbara noticed that Callie was often checking her cell phone. Barbara knew that it was hard for her daughter-in-law to leave Sofia under the circumstances. She was also sure that Callie was preoccupied by her rocky relationship with Arizona. It did not take much to see that Callie was worn-out.

"Why don't you shut off that cell phone. If Arizona needs anything she knows how to call here, not that she does all that much. You really need a sound sleep." Barbara insisted. Callie could sense how Arizona's parents missed contact with their daughter. Before January, Arizona would speak to her parents daily, now it might be monthly. Callie picked up the slack and checked in as often as time permitted.

Callie said good night to her in-laws, hugged her children and went straight to bed. She knew that her children were in great hands, she decided to push her worries aside tonight. In no time Callie was in a deep slumber.

xxxxxx

The car ride home from the hospital was void of conversation. Sofia turned on the car radio in an effort to make the silence less conspicuous. It was clear that a ceasefire was in effect, though for how long was anyone's guess. Both mother and daughter were tired, drained from the events of the past night. A disagreement was just too much effort right now for either one of them.

After parking the minivan in the driveway, Arizona walked through the front door of her house, her bags in hand. She loved this house.

Ten years ago Callie and Arizona decided it was time to leave their cramped but conveniently located apartment. They had talked about having more children but they needed more space first. The couple found the perfect spot, a ranch located on a friendly cul-de-sac not too far from the hospital. The house was tired and worn, but the two women could sense the years of love and memories oozing through the home. The karma of the house was so positive that the women kept the footprint and made extensive renovations. The finished product was ideal, one floor living, with wide halls allowing easy wheel chair access when needed.

The luxurious master bath was one of Arizona's favorite rooms, there was an oversized shower with bench seating and other accessories that made showering easy. Adjacent to the shower was the large whirlpool tub. After a long day it was a perfect place to for a person, or two, to unwind. The kitchen included a breakfast bar, and a dining table for family meals that may not have been daily but often enough. The sizable family room boasted a large screen TV for movie nights and ample space for the toys and a play space. There was more than adequate seating for the family and a few friends.

Near the Master bedroom was Anna's pretty pink room, decked out in American girl paraphernalia and a bathroom nearby. On the opposite side of the house were the remaining three bedrooms: the boys' sports themed room, Sofia's more sophisticated room covered in posters and photographs, and the study/guest room where Mrs. Gonzales would sleep when she spent the night. Another bathroom was located on that wing.

Outside was a beautiful, ample backyard that held a great swing set and tree fort, and enough space for playing ball. It was ideal. Arizona forgot how comforting it was to walk through the doors of her home into this uplifting paradise.

Upon arriving home, Sofia announced "I'm just going to go to bed."

"I know you probably don't want food, but you do need to stay hydrated." Arizona responded.

"Whatever." Sofia countered, pouring herself a glass of ginger ale and exiting the kitchen for the refuge of her bedroom. Sofia lost herself in her comforter and was asleep in no time.

Arizona was also quite tired, but she decided to catch up on some reading. It was not even 5pm yet. Callie texted to say they had landed safely and they were all settled at her parents. It was always a relief to know her family was back on the ground.

Arizona texted back: **Great. Thnx for update. Sofia is asleep already. **

Callie answered:** That's good. Your parents look great. Your mother has dinner ready, gtg. I'll call in the morning.**

Arizona enjoyed a few slices of pizza, a glass of wine and a good book. After a bit she checked on Sofia, who was still sleeping soundly. It was approaching 9:00pm; Arizona decided she would finish her book in bed, though she still wanted to monitor Sofia, planning to check her another time or two. So she got ready for bed, and crawled into the warmth of her long, lost bed and continued to read.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Sofia woke and saw that her clock read 12:07am. She was surprised she had slept that long, over seven hours. She was really hungry. Remembering the pizza that Dr. Bailey had sent home with them, Sofia decided to grab a midnight snack. As she walked to the kitchen she noticed the light on in her parent's bedroom; she peaked in. Her mother was sound asleep. The light by her bedside was on, and the book she was reading was still propped open.

Sofia made her mind up that this would be an ideal time to check her Facebook, since her mother had removed her laptop from her room. Grabbing a couple of slices of cold pizza and some ginger ale, Sofia sat down at the computer desk in the kitchen and logged into her Facebook account to find out what was happening with her friends over the last twenty-four hours while she was AWOL. She found her mother's consequences too far-reaching, and since Sofia still felt her mother had no business punishing her to this extent, particularly since she didn't even live with them, Sofia deemed her deviousness justifiable.

After fifteen minutes or so Sofia heard a loud crash coming from the master bedroom, she ran to the room and realized something was not right. Her mother was sitting up and talking, no - she was screaming. Panic stricken, Arizona knocked off everything from the night table next to the bed, breaking a glass and cracking the lamp. Her arms and legs were flailing as if she was fighting an invisible demon. Sofia cowered in the doorway, watching the situation unfold for over ten minutes. Then she witnessed her mother become inconsolable, dropping her head to the pillow, sobbing and after ten more minutes Arizona was sleeping soundly.

Sofia recalled seeing the tail end of a similar situation months ago, before her Mama had moved out. Callie was standing exactly where Sofia was, staying away from Arizona while the episode ran its course. Sofia had wanted to help her, she begged her Mom to do something, but Callie held firm, staying put. After the broken nose, Callie knew it was best and safer to let her wife be and let the night terror play itself out. Sofia remembered her mother's advice and reluctantly left Arizona alone.

It was clear to Sofia that both her parents have not exactly been upfront about all that was wrong with her Mama. Arizona had been vague, evading any questions regarding why she could not live at home. Sofia was just an eyewitness to a curse that had been plaguing her family – of course she was not certain that this was the only problem, there could be more issues for all she knew. Sofia was angry with both her mothers for their lack of honesty but she was also petrified watching the sheer fear and heartbreaking panic consume her Mama.

Whatever was going on affected her too, and Sofia felt she was old enough to handle the truth and deserved as much.

After deciding it was safe to enter the room, Sofia cleaned up the mess, picking up the broken glass, and placing the lamp, though cracked, back on the nightstand along with the book her mother was reading.

Realizing Arizona had moved into a deep sleep after the exhausting episode, Sofia carefully detached her mother's prosthesis, placing it near the bed. She had watched her mother do this often enough, she knew what to do. When she was younger, her mother even let her help. Sofia noticed some irritation on the limb, probably caused by the thrashing. She then retrieved the crutches from the closet, laying them down on the floor next to the bed.

Making sure the room was back in order and her mother was covered, she shut the light off and left the room. Sofia, laying down on the couch in the family room, acted as a sentinel should there be any more rumbling coming from the master bedroom. Sofia knew it was on her to handle any issues since they were the only two in the house.

Xxxxxxx

Callie woke up close to 10:00am on Sunday morning, feeling very well rested. It was the best sleep she had experienced in ages. She discovered that Barbara must have put Anna somewhere else to sleep last night, which helped since Anna is all over the place when she slept.

Before heading down to breakfast, Callie called her house to check on Sofia. Arizona said she was still sleeping, the two shared some small talk as well, '_How's the weather? What time do you leave?'_, and so on. Callie was glad Arizona was letting their daughter sleep in. Arizona sounded okay; the phone call was polite, and functional, nothing more. Arizona would have Sofia call once she woke.

Barbara had a hot breakfast waiting for her daughter-in-law. She greeted Callie with a fresh cup of coffee. "Sleep well, dear?" she asked?

"Barbara, it was great. I saw you put Anna somewhere else last night, thank you!" Callie answered.

"Daniel put an air mattress down in the boys' room for her. She slept right through the night. Daniel took the children to the playground this morning; they'll be back before lunch." Barbara told Callie.

Barbara poured herself a cup of coffee, and sat down across the table from Callie. "Tell me, how are things really going?"

Callie knew this question would be asked eventually. _'I guess sooner was better; just get the concerns out in the open. Arizona certainly was not her mother's daughter in that respect.',_ thought Callie. Barbara Robbins did not shy away from a difficult conversation.

"Well, I'm not sure to be honest. Arizona has implied that she might not be ready to move back home in the near future. Actually, she has encouraged me, in not so direct terms, to move on without her." Callie, clearly discouraged, shared.

"Callie, regardless of how this goes, we will always be here for you, for the children. We are family. Arizona, at least in the past, always figures it out. It just takes her more time to process things." Barbara reasoned.

"Barbara, it has been four months. All the signs are pointing to the fact that she is no closer to getting back to the person I married. I want her to be happy or at least content. Living with me, at home, does not make her happy right now." Callie tearfully explained.

"How about the counseling, is that helping? Barbara asked.

"It could, but Arizona is not fully committed to it. She needs to open up and share, and she is not willing to do that yet. We have had some good sessions but we are just scratching the surface." Callie noted. "I'm not quitting here Barbara; I'm just saying that Arizona appears to be moving in a different direction. I love you and Daniel and I appreciate all the support you have given us. Thank you. This time away will hopefully help both of us figure it out."

"So, what time is Addison picking you up?" Barbara inquired in an effort to change the subject. She could sense Callie's despair, and decided to stop probing.

Callie, happy to have the topic switched, "Noontime. Oh, I should go get ready." Callie stood up and approached her mother-in-law and gave her a big hug, "You are the best, you know that, right?" Callie sincerely told the older woman, who smiled warmly at the compliment.

xxxxxxxxx

Sunday morning Arizona woke up and immediately knew something was off. Her body ached. She looked around the room and noticed the cracked lamp; her book was shut and placed on the nightstand. She realized her prosthesis was off and she did not recall removing it. She searched for her wine glass, but it was not where she left it. Arizona Robbins was distressed to once again be unsure of what transpired, all signs pointed to a night terror. Unfortunately, she acknowledged the right triggers were in place: stress, anxiety, and fatigue. She scolded herself for not anticipating this.

Using the crutches conveniently located by her bed – crutches she did not recall placing there, Arizona made her way to the kitchen, and noticed a half-eaten slice of pizza by the computer and an empty glass.

Arizona clicked on the mouse and saw Sofia's Facebook page open. Sofia was not careless, she would not leave food out and she certainly was shrewd enough to not leave her Facebook account open on the computer, especially since she had been forbidden to use the computer without permission. Something did happen.

Arizona checked the computer history and noticed that Sofia signed on at 12:30am. While throwing the half-eaten pizza slice in the trash, Arizona laid eyes on the shards of glass. Arizona immediately went to Sofia's room to check on her, she was alarmed to find the bed empty. She checked the family room and was relieved to see Sofia asleep on the couch. Arizona covered her daughter with a throw, deciding to let her be.

A few hours later Sofia woke. Arizona was working at the dining room table. "Hey" she greeted her mother. Sofia was not sure what else to say and left it at that.

"Hi" Arizona replied, wondering how much more challenging could this week get? She hoped that things truly did happen in threes, and this would be the end of this week's string of bad luck: the school meeting, the party and the night terror. "About last night…" Arizona started.

"Forget it, it was no big deal." Sofia cut-in, hoping to avoid a conversation on this. What she saw was frightening enough, she did not want to talk about it and relive the experience. Plus she worried about her mother's reaction if she heard the true details.

"It is a big deal, I don't remember what happened but I think you know what happened," Arizona explained.

"You talked a little; you must have knocked some stuff over. You were already asleep by the time I went in. It was over before it really even started." Sofia nonchalantly responded.

"That's it? Arizona skeptically asked.

"That's it." Sofia confirmed.

"Thank you for picking up." Arizona said

"No problem." Sofia replied.

Happy to avoid the subject any further, Arizona suggested Sofia shower and eat, so the two could start on some schoolwork.

"Before you shower, call Mom. She checked in while you were still sleeping, she wants you to call her back. You can use the phone in the kitchen or study." Arizona added.

Sofia picked up the kitchen phone and dialed her mother's cell phone number. "Hi Mom…I feel fine…Really, no problems…I'm gonna shower and eat …..I think Mama wants me to get the history out-of-the-way first…I will…Love you too…Bye." Sofia hung up the phone and went to shower.

Sofia did not mention the night terror to Callie, so maybe it really was a nonevent Arizona thought. Preferring to avoid any more talk on the topic of night terrors, Arizona opted to not bring up the use of the kitchen computer last night to Sofia. Avoidance was easier to manage these days. Instead, the next topic of conversation would be AP History; at least with history there were no surprises Arizona chuckled to herself.

Xxxxxxx

Callie showered, changed and repacked her bags. When she went downstairs of the Robbins home, she found her children giggling at the kitchen table eating peanut butter and fluff sandwiches.

"Hey, look at you, with your marshmallow mustaches!" Callie exclaimed. "You three remember that I am going away in a little bit with Aunt Addy for a few days? I will be seeing you on Friday at Disneyland."

"Okay Mom" "Yes Mom" "Bye Mom" was the response.

"Bye Mom. Really Anna? Are you trying to get rid of me already?" Callie feigned annoyance at her young daughter.

"But Mom, Grandma said we are not going to get to do any of the fun stuff until after you leave?" her daughter pouted.

_'Boy, did Anna look like Arizona'_, Callie thought. "Okay, I get it." Callie cheerily replied. Just then the doorbell rang.

"Come in Addison" Daniel said in welcoming Addison. The two had met only on a handful of occasions, but they still remembered each other.

"Great to see you again Colonel." Addison replied with a smile.

"Addy!" As Callie embraced her friend, Callie said, "It's been too long. My bags are packed, the kids are anxious for me to leave so their fun can begin,"

Callie and Addison gave hugs and kisses to the three children. "Have fun Mom! By Aunt Addy." the three shouted.

Callie thanked her in-laws and embraced them. Barbara picked up on Callie's last minute jitters. "Callie, we have this, we have both yours and Addison's cell phone number, we know where you are staying. You are not going that far away. I promise we will call if there is an issue. Go. Have fun, you deserve this break."

Callie nodded, agreeing with Barbara's logic. Tears were starting to form, so Callie waved goodbye, grabbed her bags and headed out the door before the teardrops were flowing more frequently. Callie did not want the children to see her sad. With that, Callie and Addison were on their way.

xxxxxxx

Once in the car Addison asked, "Hey, are you okay?"

"I am, or I will be. There is just so much happening. Nothing is simple." Callie said sadly.

"These next few days will be. I promise. Let's talk about what's happening at home right now; let's get it out of your system. By the time we get to the place, promise me that you will try very hard to leave 'home' in the car. At the resort the days and nights are about you, and only you. Got that?" Addison urged.

"Alright, sounds like a plan." Callie reluctantly agreed.

Over the next hour Callie explained to her good friend what was happening at home, including the recent issues with Sofia and how Arizona is alluding to the fact that she may never be ready to return home.

Callie honestly shared "Having everything up in the air is taking its toll on me. It's hard to manage the four kids and Arizona's unpredictability. Is she visiting the kids or not? Can I count on her to be there when I'm working late or not? Arizona gets anxious and changes her mind at the last minute, and the kids keep getting disappointed."

Callie told her good friend in confidence "I'm afraid of the answer I might get if I push this, but it would be easier on me if Arizona made a decision one way or another regarding her living situation. I'm constantly making excuses for her, and lying to our children is killing me."

"Do you know what you want to do?" Addison asked.

"I know what I want to do. But I'm not sure if it's what I should do. Addy, I have four kids to think about. I need to do what's right for them; they need to come first right now." Callie confessed.

"Well, hold that thought. We're here." Addy responded. "This conversation is on hold until Friday morning. Maybe by then your answers will be clearer. Okay?"

"Okay." Callie concurred. "Let's check in. I think there is a Margarita with our names on it." Callie stated, determined to have a good time. It was the first time Callie had candidly opened up to anyone on the topic to this extent, she felt some of the weight of her problems had been lifted in sharing.

The two women parked the car, grabbed their bags and entered the land of five-star living.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N 1: I'm a bit unclear on the rating system. There is one word of profanity in this chapter. Based on what I have read, the rating can stay "T", but the rating guidelines are a bit vague and I am still trying to find my way in figuring this out. If I have misunderstood, please feel free to send me PM to get me up to speed, and I will adjust. Thank you for reading, and I hope this story continues to hold your interest.

Chapter 10

The next few days remained uneventful; they were task driven. At the Robbins-Torres home, schoolwork was the mission morning, noon and night. Mother and daughter robotically plugged away. Actually, Sofia handled the lion's share, as she should have, and Arizona explained, proofed, suggested and guided when needed.

Arizona was committed to getting Sofia back on track with her schoolwork. Sofia found it annoying to have her mother relentlessly looking over her shoulder. She certainly did not appreciate that her mother finally shows up and it's to be nothing more than her taskmaster. Each morning, Callie dutifully checked in.

The phone rang Wednesday morning right on schedule:

Callie: "Hi Arizona,"

Arizona: "Callie, hi."

Callie: "Just checking in again. How is it going with you and Sofia?"

Arizona: "We're good. English and History are done. Today we are doing science. I need to stop into work today, so I thought we would go by the Skills Lab so I can show Sofia what she is learning about in 3D… Umm, having fun?"

Callie: "It's been awesome; this place is amazing. I've tried different spa treatments every day. The weather and Margaritas are perfect. My tan is coming along nicely. Addison and I have managed to eat at an outstanding restaurant each day. We've hit a different club every night. I'm having a ball! I'm so glad you insisted on me doing this with Addison. I feel great, like a new person."

Arizona: "Super, well, ah, let me get Sofia for you. Bye.…Sof, it's Mom for you." Arizona handed the handset to Sofia.

Dismissing the vaguely familiar feeling stirring inside her, Arizona took a deep breath. Last Friday she noticed the same unsettling reaction on the Ortho wing when she went to find Callie. _'It doesn't matter' s_he tried to convince herself. But Arizona could not shake the sensation. Callie was having so much fun and it made her feel something_. 'Callie is finally figuring out that life is better without me. She deserves this.'_ Arizona surmised. _'It's what I've wanted; I just thought it would make me feel better when it happened,'_ Arizona mutely concluded. Whether she acknowledged it or not, Arizona Robbins was reluctantly jealous.

xxxxxxxx

After the phone call, Arizona reminded Sofia that they needed to leave for the hospital. Brandon Taft was scheduled to be discharged and Arizona wanted to confirm that he was ready.

"Ready Sofia? We need to go." Arizona asked.

"Do I have to go?" Sofia challenged.

Arizona steadfastly replied, "Yes, I told you, you are with me all the time. I promised Mom."

xxxxxx

The trip into Seattle Grace was uneventful, another music-filled, conversation-less car ride. Sofia waited in Arizona's office, reading, while Arizona went to the Pediatric floor. Arizona reviewed Brandon's chart and then examined Brandon, and agreed he was ready to be discharged. Arizona met with Brandon's mother, explaining the follow-up needed.

"Call this number if any redness or swelling presents by the wounds. He needs to see his pediatrician next week. No gym or physical activities for the next four weeks. Do you have any questions?" Arizona asked.

"No. Thank you." Mrs. Taft replied, she started to turn but stopped. "Dr. Robbins… Arizona, please," Arizona made an about-face.

Melissa Taft stammered. "I…I need to apologize. I was wrong to judge you and Callie. Who am I to judge? It's not my place to judge who you choose to love. I'm sorry, I truly am."

Caught off guard by the unexpected but sincere apology, Arizona nodded, simply responding, "Thank you, Melissa." Arizona departed for her office thinking _' Didn't see that coming.' _Though, Arizona Robbins knew only too well how a near-tragedy can change one's perspective.

She arrived at her office to find it empty, with a hand-written note lying on top of her desk.

_'Evil spawn is with me, I am holding her hostage in the cafeteria._

_Yang_

_PS: She told me she was not supposed to leave your office, my bad.'_

Arizona rolled her eyes in reading the note. As annoyed as she wanted be with Cristina Yang, she knew Sofia and her had been spent a lot of time together the last few days, it had not been exactly _fun_, for lack of a better word. The change of company would probably be good for both of them.

Arizona made her way to the cafeteria, and she could see Alex Karev had joined Cristina and Sofia. As Arizona approached the table, with Alex's back facing her she heard:

"Does she quietly creep up and then just lean over your shoulder? The when you look up at her she raises her eyebrows with that smug look on her face, like she approves?" Karev was asking Sofia as he mimicked his boss' habit. Sofia giggled at the depiction of her mother.

"Karev, are you calling me creepy?" Arizona questioned her protégé. Before he could answer she asked "Don't you have patients?"

Alex answered "Whatever. Bye Sof" and he left the cafeteria. He was not sure whether Dr. Robbins was irked or not, but lately he had been walking on egg shells around her so he thought it was best to leave.

"You found my note." Cristina commented. Sofia sat there, eyes fixed on Cristina Yang; Sofia worried that Arizona would be upset with her for not staying put in the office.

"I did." Arizona, looking at Sofia, said "It's fine that you went with Aunt Cristina. I'm not a tyrant."

Arizona joined her colleague-turned-friend and daughter for lunch. Cristina Yang, acting as an impromptu emissary, provided her quick wit and dark humor to keep the conversation flowing.

After lunch, Arizona brought Sofia to the Skills Lab, where she showed her daughter replicas of the organs and body parts Sofia was studying for her Anatomy and Physiology class. Sofia perked up a when Arizona let her handle some of the equipment. Arizona smiled as she noted her daughter's enthusiasm for science reappearing. After an hour or so in the Skills Lab, mother and daughter returned home.

Sofia dug enthusiastically into her research assignment on the respiratory system after having had the hands-on lesson from her mother in the Skills Lab. She took over the dining table as she drafted her paper.

As Arizona observed Sofia plugging away on her school assignment, she noticed that her daughter seemed back to normal physically. Despite the pleasant lunch earlier, Sofia still seemed aloof. Arizona was not sure whether the emotional detachment was due to her daughter's anger with her for canceling her trip, the fact she moved out, the events of Friday night along with the ensuing consequences or Saturday evening's night terror. In all probability, it was a combination of all. The unofficial truce had thankfully held up. Though they were not bickering, they were not communicating either. Arizona understood that she was not helping the situation, as she was daunted by the effort of initiating any personal conversation with Sofia. The two worked diligently on coursework, and did not veer off topic.

That afternoon the house phone rang, and Arizona answered it. "Hello….This is Dr. Robbins…Hi Officer Connelly…..I will need to get back to you on that…By Friday?...Okay, thank you for calling."

Arizona, although hesitant to stir the pot any further, unfortunately needed to go over last Friday night's events with Sofia. The police wanted to talk to Sofia and have her provide a statement. Sofia had been stalling about having the conversation. Arizona concluded that the teen was probably bothered by the night's events more than she was letting on.

After the phone call, Arizona knew she had no choice but to broach the subject. "Sofia, that was Officer Connelly, he really needs to talk to you about last Friday."

"There is nothing to talk about, I drank some Sprite and I got sick, end of story." Sofia snarled.

"Then just tell him that. He needs a statement." Arizona calmly reasoned.

"I don't want to talk to him; you can just tell him what happened." Sofia muttered.

"I already gave my statement to the police. They need your statement." Arizona clarified.

Sofia remained silent, her eyes staring downward so her mother would not see the tears forming.

Arizona continued, "I think you are avoiding talking to the police because what happened really bothers you. I know this was a very scary experience for you; it was for all of us. You do need to make a statement to the police, it's not optional, Sofia. It was a traumatic experience. You need to talk about it, if not to me, talk to Mom or I can make arrangements with someone else. But I think you need to get some help to work through this because it is clearly upsetting you when I bring it up and not talking about it doesn't make it go away." Arizona rationalized.

Arizona hit a nerve. Sofia's head shot up and her eyes icily bore into Arizona. "Stop trying to shrink me! You're trying to get into my head." Sofia screamed at her mother, "You are way more fucked up than I will ever be."

Arizona was livid that her daughter would speak to her like that. She shouted back, "Stop it, don't you dare talk to me like that! That is not how you were raised."

Sofia sneered. "That's funny coming from you. Not how I was raised? This is exactly how I was raised. This is exactly how **_you_** raised me. I'm like you, remember? Everyone says I am like you. Guess what, now I really am. I'm pissing and moody and angry and I don't want to talk about it – just like you!" Sofia hollered at her mother.

Arizona stood there speechless, arms crossed, intensely staring at Sofia.

Sofia continued her tirade, "We don't ever talk about my dad because then we would have to talk about '_the crash'_. We don't ever talk about _'the crash'_. Everyone else can talk about _'the crash'_ but you. But you do talk about the crash, in your sleep Saturday you talked about it, you even yelled about it. Aunt Cristina told me about the four days, she told me how she took care of you, she told me you cried for Mom and me, that we kept you going. You can't even tell me some of it? Now you want to talk? Have me share my crappy few months, my could-have-been fatal overdose. Now you want to be part of my life, is it convenient for you today? Will tomorrow work for you too or is this a once in a life-time offer? Because they say if it's too good to be true, it probably is."

Arizona, waylaid by the teen's verbal attack, stood there, paralyzed by the biting words.

Seeing her mother's indifferent reception to her condemnation, Sofia hissed "I'm done with you. I don't want you in my life anymore! I don't need you. We are better off without you here." and Sofia stormed out of the house.

Arizona was furious that Sofia had actually spoken to her like that. Who did her daughter think she was using that tone with her? As she processed what had just transpired, the words spoken, Arizona was abruptly aware of the truthfulness that burst from Sofia's barrage.

Letting go a defeated lament, Arizona admitted to herself _'I finally understand that quote: "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."_

Arizona continued her soliloquy, "I have been pushing everyone away, trying to shut everyone out of my life. But I don't need to push anyone away or even avoid them, they are just going to leave, when they have had it with me, they will walk away, out the front door like Sofia. Why am I running?"

Arizona grasped, at that moment in time, that she survived a tragic plane crash only to now, since January, watch all the relationships she has with the people that mean the most to her disintegrate. They were dying a slow and painful death before her very eyes.

Arizona imploded in tears to the floor, thinking that 'the_ truth may piss you off, but then it hurts like hell'._

What was most painful was in watching Sofia; she was in essence watching herself. Sofia was right, they were so alike. Now Sofia seemed destined to live this nightmare too.

Arizona thought back to Friday night in the hospital room where she was seeing her life as some tragic movie. She had contemplated whether or not she had any control over the finale. At the time she felt helpless but she knew, right now, she was at a crossroads and _she_ needed to make a choice. That choice would dictate maybe not the ending, but it would choose the path.

Over the years she had learn to share and lean on Callie when needed, it was reciprocal. As time passed the couple had become complacent, comfortable. The heart to heart talks had fallen by the wayside. Life had treated them well for a stretch and parenthood consumed many of their spare moments; those conversations became nonexistent. Then January tossed them from their relaxed state into such turmoil. Truth be told, deep down Arizona knew she reverted to her earlier ways, stubbornly determined to work through it on her own, then shutting people out when it got too hard. She thought of Mark's astute observation, '_when it gets hard, you bail_.'

She saw her daughter risk being drawn into the same dark cycle. She finally recognized her demon and the demon was her own self. As beaten down as she felt, she was not prepared to concede defeat. This time she wasn't going to flee.

Arizona roused herself from the floor, knowing she needed to find Sofia. She painstakingly made her way out the front door. As she rounded the house, Arizona was surprised to see Sofia sitting on the swing in the backyard, her eyes fixed on the ground. Arizona sat on the swing adjacent to Sofia's. Sofia had clearly been crying, she avoided looking at Arizona. She would not give her mother the satisfaction of seeing her tear-stained face.

After a few minutes Arizona shared, "It happened so fast. It was a day like this, the sky was blue with a few puffy white clouds, the sun was out, and it was cool, the day we crashed. Of course, at night it got really cold."

Sofia looked at Arizona surprised. It was the first time her mother had ever uttered a word to her about the plane crash. The largesse of the gesture was not lost on Sofia. Sofia noted that her mother was visibly emotional, her voice cracked, distinct tears dripped down her cheeks and sadness spread over her visage.

Arizona continued "Your dad lay right by me, for four days we gave each other hope. It was scary. We were all hurting. Lexi was dead. We could hear the animals, it was all surreal. Your dad and I were determined to come back to you and Mom. Aunt Cristina took care of us."

Sofia continued to stare in awe at Arizona. She knew the story, but never from Arizona's mouth. The pain that Arizona was experiencing as she spoke each syllable was evident to Sofia; she was aghast at hearing it told in her mother's voice. A silence fell between them. Sofia realized that her mother had shared all she could right now.

Feeling somewhat guilty about how she had treated Arizona earlier, Sofia felt the need to make some amends, Sofia whispered, "I'm sorry I swore at you."

"Hmm, not my favorite word choice. But I guess I am a bit _messed-up _right now." Arizona tenderly concluded as she looked at her daughter.

The two sat there gently swinging for awhile as they each quietly processed all that had been shared. "It's getting kind of chilly. Are you ready to go inside? I'm a bit hungry too." Arizona warily asked.

Sofia timidly suggested. "Chick Pad Thai?" It was Sofia's and Arizona's favorite takeout dish.

"Let's take the night off from homework, watch a movie and order some Thai food?" Arizona hesitantly proposed. Sofia grinned in approval. Arizona's heart was overjoyed that Sofia was willing to at least give her a reprieve.

As the two stood, Arizona put her arm around her daughter and confessed, "I know that you are still very angry and upset with me. I know we need to talk more, there is a lot I need to make right. I'm sorry for all of it. It's going to take some time for me to get there, but I am not going to give up, please don't give up on me yet."

Sofia nodded her head. Sofia was hurt, confused and upset, but she could at least watch a movie with her Mama. She wanted to watch a movie with her Mama.

Arizona told her daughter as they entered the house, "You pick out the movie and I will order." After Arizona had placed the order, she looked at her phone; the screen saver had a family photo of her children. She impulsively dialed her mother's number, "Hi Mom."

Barbara Robbins was surprised and overjoyed to hear Arizona's voice. "It is great to hear from you, is everything okay? How's Sofia?"

"Everything is fine Mom, Sofia is good too." Arizona replied. "I just wanted to check in, maybe say hi to the kids."

Arizona spent the next ten minutes hearing about the adventures of the week, the fish that were caught, the doll that was purchased, the exciting baseball game. It was the first time she had spoken to her three younger children since they left on their trip. A lump stuck in her throat as she realized how much she missed her family.

The phone was now returned to her mother, "Have you spoken with Callie? She checked in last night, she seems to be having a nice time." Barbara noted.

"We spoke this morning." Arizona thought about how happy Callie sounded on the phone without her. "I've got to go, the food delivery is here." It wasn't, but Arizona did not want to talk about Callie and how much fun she was having. "Love you Mom, give the kids a hug for me." And Arizona hung up.

Arizona walked into the living room with a glass of wine for her and a bottle of sparkling water for Sofia. "What movie did you pick? Something light I hope."

Sofia smiled and replied, "_Finding Nemo?" _The irony was not lost on Arizona as she looked at her daughter amusingly. The doorbell rang. Arizona retrieved the delivery order and made her way to the couch. The two settled in, each claiming one half of the sofa. Both had marked her territory, leaving a noticeable gap between them, but a contented feeling was present in the room, which was refreshing from the lingering tension that had previously filled the house.

A/n 2: _Gloria Steinem quote: The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off._


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Thanks for continuing to read. Those who have reviewed, please know that I do consider your feedback as I work on the subsequent chapter, and I appreciate you sharing thoughts.

_End of Chapter 10_

_Sofia smiled and replied, "Finding Nemo?" The irony was not lost on Arizona as she looked at her daughter amusingly. The doorbell rang. Arizona retrieved the delivery order and made her way to the couch. The two settled in, each claiming one half of the sofa. Both had marked her territory, leaving a noticeable gap between them, but a contented feeling was present in the room, which was refreshing from the lingering tension that had previously filled the house._

Chapter 11

Arizona was awake early on Thursday, as usual. She decided to be benevolent and let her teenage daughter sleep in for a bit this morning. Arizona was able to justify it by noting that they had been working non-stop since Sunday, this was a vacation week and teens need their sleep. She took advantage of the unencumbered time to focus on her emails and getting up-to-speed on some of her upcoming surgeries.

Still reveling from the ease of yesterday's movie night, she convinced herself to soften her approach with Sofia. If she learned anything yesterday it was that those _'feel good moments'_ were not as daunting as she had convinced herself they would be; she could not shy away from her psyche. Arizona felt more upbeat than she had in weeks, really months, who'd have thought a Clown Fish could be so therapeutic, – _'Go Nemo'_, she thought.

Not much of a vacation week for either one of them she reflected. She was surprised that she had not heard from Callie yet. Callie usually called in the morning, just as well since Sofia was still asleep. Arizona finally woke Sofia at 11:00am, who in seeing the time, appreciated the considerate gesture.

Today was about calculus. In addition to the multiple missing homework assignments, there was a test next week. Once Sofia ate some breakfast, Arizona was ready to delve in; she had brushed up on calc earlier while having her coffee.

"How can you be so happy doing math?" Sofia challenged. Arizona smiled, and kept the lesson moving. Once Sofia had missed an assignment or two it turned out to be a slippery slope. Arizona needed to backtrack and re-teach the earlier steps the teen had missed or not understood.

Dialogue between the two was cordial and productive; it certainly was an improvement from earlier in the week when the communication was strained at best. The relationship graduated to more of a student/ teacher arrangement which was a step up from subordinate/taskmistress.

Even with the prior day's epiphany, _'baby steps' _Arizona thought, they were moving forward one small step at a time. It was her revelation, not Sofia's. Sofia was still guarded in her thoughts, her words and her actions.

Arizona suspected that Sofia was not about to forgive and forget easily, but she did sense that Sofia was contemplating how much to let her mother back into her life. Arizona was keenly aware of this, knowing she needed to start somewhere,_ 'baby steps'_.

The two opted for a working lunch; breakfast had been late anyhow for Sofia. There was an underlying fear that without calculus as a topic of discussion, the conversation might drift to something too personal, so sticking to derivatives was the safe bet.

The house phone rang around 3:00pm. Arizona answered, "Hi Lindsey, how are you?...Yes, Sofia is right here. …Sure, you may speak with her."

"Here Sof, it's Lindsey. She has a question," Arizona said as she handed the phone to Sofia.

"Hi, yes of course I'm still grounded. …..Actually, we are just working on that now….Hold on, let me ask." Sofia turned to her mother and asked "Is there any chance Lindsey, and maybe a couple other kids come over later so you can help us with our math? It's the stuff we are working on now. Lindsey's parents aren't sure how to explain it. Please?"

Arizona processed the request for a moment_. 'It's not for fun, it's for calculus. I don't think this comes under the grounding rules'.__** "**_Okay, you can have a few kids over, but everyone leaves by 9:00pm. Math only," Arizona sternly conceded. As an afterthought she added, "Why don't you have the kids come at 6:00pm. I'll order some pizza."

Sofia beamed, "Thanks Mama!" It was the first smile all day that Arizona had been on the receiving end of; she would take that as a win.

By 7:00pm the math tutorial was in full session. There were five girls working at the table as Arizona explained the steps in solving the problems. Despite the dryness of the topic, the girls managed to laugh and giggle at everything, Arizona's enthusiasm was contagious. She had not spent a night like this in a long time. Last year, sessions like this would be almost weekly; Arizona Robbins loved math.

The house phone rang, the caller id displayed Callie's cell number. Arizona excused herself from the table to take the call using the portable handset.

"Hi Callie. I was wondering if we would hear from you today; you didn't call this morning. Are you still enjoying yourself?" Arizona cautiously inquired.

"Sorry, I slept in, late night last night. To be honest I lost track of time, Addison and I are on our way out to eat, we have an 8:00pm reservation. Then, there is a great spot for dancing. I'm thinking it's going to be another late night, being the last night, why not. It really has been a nice week. It's been great; we spent the day by the pool. This afternoon I had a massage and a pedicure. I really feel good. Uh, I feel like I am hearing fun in the background. Arizona, are there kids over? Sofia is grounded, remember?" Callie questioned.

"It's not what you think Callie. Sofia asked if a few kids could come over for math help. They have a big test Tuesday. Mike and Barb weren't sure on the calculus. Sofia asked if I could help a few kids on some of the problems," Arizona defended.

"Hmmm. What does the Robbins' Study Method entail that makes it sound so enjoyable?" Callie asked mockingly.

"It might be the pizza and ice cream. Really, we are doing calculus too. I promise," Arizona playfully assured Callie.

"Ooh, I've got to go. We'll be late for our reservation. I will call tomorrow night, we need to check out first thing, then Addison is going to drop me off at Disneyland to meet your parents and the kids. It will be easier if I call once we get back to your parents' house. Tell Sofia I will call her tomorrow and that I love her and miss her." And the phone call disconnected abruptly as Addison pushed _'End'_ on Callie's phone.

Callie was overjoyed to hear the amusing sounds on the other end of the line. Obviously Arizona and Sofia were at least on speaking terms. Arizona sounded much more like the old Arizona. This was good, no, this was great. She remembered she did not say _'bye'_ to Arizona. She would explain it to Arizona tomorrow that Addison, in her impatience to leave, cut off the call.

Arizona was a bit put off. '_Callie didn't even say 'bye' to me,'_ she thought. _'All this new-found freedom for Callie is not going to bode well for me. When was the last time I agreed to even go out? She forgot to call this morning too.' _Arizona forced herself to dismiss the thoughts for now as she heard Sofia calling for her.

Arizona lingered in the doorway before entering the kitchen when she overheard part of the girls' conversation and it sparked her interest.

"Your mom is really great Sof. My parents would never have kids over for a study party. You're so lucky." Megan said.

Lindsey readily agreed, "She really is awesome Sofia, cut her some slack. I got grounded too." Lindsey thought her friend was a bit harsh to her mother. The last time she was with Sofia and Arizona, Sofia told her mother that she hated her.

"I know, she's okay," Sofia warily answered; unaware that Arizona had overheard the comments. Arizona was not sure whether _'okay' _was a step up or down in her status. Based on yesterday's flare-up, her guess was that 'okay' was an improvement.

Arizona returned to the chatty table of teens who had managed to waive off task in her absence. "Mom said _'hi' _and that she loves you, she was on her way out with Aunt Addy and only had a minute to call. She'll call you tomorrow night."

Arizona's distracted demeanor after the phone call was not lost on Sofia, but Sofia did not let on. Deep down she knew things were not good between her parents; it was something she did not want to deal with now. Sofia wanted to focus on just being mad only at her Mama, it was easier. Tonight she did not even have to worry about that because fortunately there was plenty of distraction; the balance of the evening was spent on lots and lots of math.

Xxxxxx

Callie and Addison entered the packed club at 10:00pm. The band was really good, and drew a tremendous following. It didn't take more that ten minutes before a couple of drinks were sent their way courtesy of some young, possibly college-aged gentlemen. Shortly thereafter Callie and Addison were whisked to the dance floor by said men, which was truly flattering for the two older women. Addison and Callie schooled the boys on more than a few dance moves.

Later in the evening, Callie worked her way to the bar to order another drink while the band was taking a break when the very attractive female backup singer sidled up to her. "Hey" she said to Callie, staring at her intensely.

"Oh hi," Callie responded, perusing the woman. After an odd silence Callie commented, "Hot boots."

"Just the boots are hot?" the singer said pouting. Callie mischievously smiled.

xxxxxxx

"So, ready to checkout?"Addison inquired early Friday morning.

"I am, though it's been great. When am I going to learn that my body can't handle more than four margaritas in one night anymore? This hangover is the worst yet, but what a great night last night. Totally worth today's pain and suffering," Callie groaned.

Addison grinned at her friend and replied, "My hangover is a bit rough too. But it was fun, I haven't danced that much since...I don't know when. Those young guys were something else, the one with the glasses was not only hot but he could dance, whew."

"Thank you for not taking him back to the room. He all but begged," Callie chided her friend.

"The fun is in the chase, not necessarily the conquest." Addison smugly answered.

Callie looked at her friend, eyebrows raised, and answered, "Hmmm, speak for yourself."

Addison confronted Callie "What was with you and that backup singer for the band, she was all over you?"

"I made the mistake of telling her I liked her boots," Callie uncomfortably replied.

Addison looked at friend quizzically and asked for clarification, "Did you say you liked her boots or did you say her boots were _'hot'_, 'cause that's what I heard?"

"I might have used the word _'hot'_, but not for her, her boots were awesome. She was, er nice, not hot," Callie defended.

Addison, unwilling to let the exchange drop, pushed further, "Maybe, but you were hot, and I'm sure that dress you were wearing sent a different message other than _'I like your taste is footwear'_."

Callie tried to defend herself, "It was harmless flirting."

"Is there such a thing as _'harmless flirting'_ when one is married?" Addison countered.

"Nothing came of it; I would never cheat even though Arizona has all but told me not to wait for her," Callie said as she continued to justify her interaction with the singer.

"Do you think that is what Arizona really wants?"Addison questioned.

"Look Addy, it was nice to go out, get dressed up, and have an adult look at me like I am, well, attractive. Arizona won't even look at me. We've had no physical contact other than a random hug or two for months. Our relationship is purely platonic. I'm not going to have an affair, but I'm scared. I'm no spring chicken. It was just a good opportunity to put some feelers out there, you know, to see if someone would even be interested in me if it comes to that," Callie confessed.

Addison struggled to find the words to respond, "Oh Callie ..."

Attempting to change the subject, Callie commented "I'm not sure how I'm going to get through Disney today."

"Hmmm, nice segue, hopefully your kids will opt for the tame rides," Addison smirked.

Callie laughed, "Are you kidding? The boys live for wild, hopefully Daniel will be a sport and take them. I'll try to just hang with Anna. Though, I did promise I would go on the Tower of Terror with Carlos and Danny."

After a few minutes of silence, Addison knew her friend was still pondering their earlier tête-à-tête. Addison believed better out than in was the way to go, so she decided to prod a bit harder to get Callie to open up."Let's finish that conversation, "Addison encouraged Callie as they pulled on to the highway.

Callie, downtrodden, looked at her friend.

"Any thoughts, decisions?" Addison queried

"The week has been great; all I know is there is no way that I am going to keep living the way we have been living. It's not fair to anyone. We are in limbo, living in no-man's land. I'm not doing it anymore. I can't," Callie honestly replied.

"Callie, what are you saying?" Addison asked taken aback.

For the next hour Callie poured out whatever remaining remnants of thoughts that she had harbored these last months, sharing with her confidant that the status quo was not an option. Callie concluded "I know what needs to be done."

"Think twice about this, you need to be ready for the backlash that may happen if you go down that path. There may be no turning around once you start," Addison cautioned her friend.

Addison pulled up to the drop off area at Disneyland. The two women embraced, with tears glistening their eyes and said their goodbyes, sharing promises to not let so much time go by before they got together again.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Just a head's up that there is no Callie until next chapter, this section ended up longer than I originally anticipated. Thanks for reading and for your comments.

* * *

End of Chapter 11 (Friday morning in California)

Addison pulled up to the drop off area at Disneyland. The two women embraced, with tears glistening their eyes and said their goodbyes, sharing promises to not let so much time go by before they got together again.

Chapter 12 (Friday morning in Seattle)

At 7:00am Arizona popped her head into Sofia's room. "Get up sleepy-head!"

"What? It's 7:00am!" Sofia groaned.

"I need to be at the hospital this morning; we need to leave by 8:00am," Arizona stated.

Sofia tried to negotiate, "Can't I just stay home? I promise I'll just do work."

"24/7 Sofia. I promised Mom you would be with me 24/7. I am not diverting from that. So please be ready to leave by 8am sharp." Arizona firmly countered.

After another tune-filled car ride, they arrived at the hospital by 8:15 and headed for the second floor. "This is not the way to your office." Sofia noticed.

"You're right, it's not. I have an appointment every Friday at 8:30; it's for counseling. Mom's been coming with me for the last few weeks." The Wednesday outburst by Sofia had made Arizona realize that it was now or never in terms of reaching out to Sofia.

Really, the week had gone better than she expected. Of course the Wednesday thing she never saw coming, that's what she gets for living on _'Avoidance Alley' _which is directly off of_ 'Denial Lane'_. Her marriage was questionable, and Sofia was drifting further away from her. It would not be too long before the other children followed suit. Arizona had decided to reveal to Sofia that she was in counseling, which, when she thought about it, was not really that big a deal.

Arizona wanted her kids to see her as flawless, but as Sofia pointed out, she was pretty damaged. Truly, it was Arizona who wished to see her own self as unsullied; she had erroneously convinced herself that she was able to repair her damaged self.

"But, '_No man is an island'_, right?" she coached her ego. "How did that poem go?" Arizona wracked her brain to remember more of the poem which always stuck with her. When she read the poem in college, she understood its meaning but as an introspective person, acting on the concept was more difficult.

Isolating herself from people when times were tough was not one of her attributes she wanted Sofia emulate. Arizona was ready to reach out for help not only for her sake but for Sofia's as well.

The two approached the hospital wing which housed physician offices. To the left of the door at which Arizona stopped was a plaque which read:

**Dr. Andrea Michaels, MD**

**Psychiatry**

"You're in counseling?" Sofia replied surprised. 'Great, a_nother thing to add to her list of what her parents had intentionally not told her about,_' she thought.

"I am. I have been seeing Dr. Michaels for a few months, since I moved out," Arizona offered.

Sofia's mood turned dour. "It doesn't seem like it's helping much," Sofia rebutted as her mother was no closer to moving home. With the exception of this week, her mother had been scarce. The teen concluded that the more she found out, the less she seemed to know.

Arizona stared at her feet dejectedly as she stood by the office door of Dr. Michaels; she had no words to respond. It was true; with the exception of last week, Arizona had made very little progress during her sessions, and she even had become more removed. But Arizona knew that was because she was resisting help.

The door to the office was open and Dr. Michaels noticed her patient and the teen conversing. "Arizona, great to see you. Who might this be?"

Arizona answered "This is my daughter Sofia. Sofia this is Dr. Michaels." The two acknowledged each other.

"Sofia are you joining us today or will you be waiting outside? "Dr. Michaels inquired.

Sofia looked at Arizona unsure as to how to respond.

"What do you want to do Sofia? The other day you were pretty clear that I have been shutting people out. I thought that maybe if you came to see that I was trying to get better it might help. I know you have some questions, I am not sure I am ready to answer all of them, but this might be a good place to start." Arizona earnestly explained.

"Fine, I'll go to the appointment." The teen disdainfully replied. Her mother was so private, Sofia was more than a bit curious to see what was going in that hard head of hers.

Dr. Michaels led the two into the office and shut the door. Sofia chose a comfortable chair as far away from Arizona as she could sit.

Dr. Michaels started the conversation "Sofia, whatever is said here remains confidential. This is a safe place to talk. Sometimes it is difficult to hear what is being said but it is important that we are respectful of each other in terms of how we share. Any questions?"

Sofia shook her head, indicating she had no questions.

"Why don't you start Arizona, how has your week gone?" Dr. Michaels offered.

Sofia slunk down in her chair thinking her mother was going to talk about Friday night and the incident at Johnny Ryder's. "We have been busy with lots of school work. I did have a night terror on Saturday night. It was the first one in a long time. I'm sure it was a bit scary for Sofia, she heard it. We have not really discussed it; Sofia didn't have much to say about it." Arizona explained.

"Sofia how did you manage the episode? Was it scary for you?" Dr Michaels questioned

"It was fine." Sofia glowered.

Dr. Michaels knew from Callie's account of past terrors that it probably was anything but _'fine'_.

"I think there is a line in a movie that says 'fine' is an acronym for: Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional" Dr. Michaels challenged, looking directly at Sofia.

Dr. Michaels seemed to push the right button, because after pausing a few moments, Sofia blurted. "You're right I was freaked-out and scared, for twenty minutes I watched her scream and cry at no one. When it was over, I went into her room, I took off her leg because she's doesn't sleep with it on. I picked up all the stuff that was knocked over, including the broken glass. Then, I cried myself to sleep on the coach in case it was going to happen again. I tried to fix it so when she woke up it would be okay, and she wouldn't be the one freaking out and leaving again," Sofia turned to Arizona, her voice quivering, "Unless you want to leave?"

Arizona was taken back by the diatribe, she had no idea the terror was that bad. But it was Sofia's the last sentence that really upset her. "Sofia, it's not that I don't want to be with you? It's not that simple."

"I don't understand, what's so hard about being with us? Did we do something wrong? Can you just tell me the truth for once?" Sofia heatedly challenged.

"No, no that's not it, you did nothing wrong. I'm not lying…..." Arizona struggled to find the right words to explain.

"Oh right!" irate, Sofia cut her mother off.

Dr. Michaels intervened, "Let's just all take a breath here. Sofia, you have brought up some very good points here. I commend you for your honesty, I am sure it has been difficult," Dr. Michaels wanted to validate Sofia concerns, because in past sessions with Arizona and Callie, the crux of the issues have been skirted and Sofia's comments had opened the door to some topics that the doctor wanted to be addressed.

Dr. Michaels continued "Arizona, Sofia brings up a couple very valid concerns. Sofia is fifteen years old, a mature fifteen-year old at that. She obviously is keenly aware that life at home and with you has changed, it sounds like no one has really talked to her frankly about what is happening. I need to agree with her that she deserves to know some of this. Additionally, Sofia's perception is that you don't want to be at home and that she is somehow responsible for that. Is my interpretation correct Sofia?"

Sofia nodded affirmatively.

Arizona held back the tears that she knew were threatening; she was battling the urge to leave. _'For I am involved in mankind,'_ a line from the poem suddenly came to her, bolstering her resolve to stay put.

Dr. Michaels pursued her conversation with Sofia, "Is there something else you want to add before I give your mother the opportunity to speak?"

"One day while I was waiting for Mom at the hospital, I overheard someone say that this breakup was way worse than the one over having children. Maybe you don't want to be a mom anymore; maybe you've changed your mind." Sofia admitted.

Stunned, and annoyed at the hospital gossip mill, Arizona asked "How long ago did you hear that?"

"Uh, I don't know a few months ago, after you moved out." Sofia confessed

"Look Sofia. " Arizona paused, using every bit of energy to keep her composure; she took a few moments to search for the right explanation. "A long time ago, I thought I didn't want children; I didn't know how special being a parent would be. I liked my life the way it was. Then I met Mom. I feel in love with her, she was unlike anyone I had ever been with. But she wanted children. We saw our future differently, so we split up. We were both miserable, by the way. Then, there was a scary incident in the hospital. A gunman was shooting people, surgeons in particular. Mom put herself in between me and the gunman. She actually convinced him to leave us alone. It was the bravest, most courageous thing anyone had ever done for me. Once it was over, we both knew we could not be apart. Mom was willing to forgo children so we could be together, but that day I knew she would be a great mom and I changed my mind. I promise you, I wanted to be a mom then and I want to be a mom now."

Sofia still unconvinced, asked shakily "But did you want me?"

"Of course, why would you think otherwise?" Arizona was bewildered.

"I know you weren't together when Mom got pregnant. I've heard stories about how good it was that you and my Dad finally got along so well at the end. Which means you didn't get along so well at the beginning," Sofia deduced.

"Sofia, how long have you worried about this, whether I wanted to be your mom or not?" Arizona inquired.

"I use to worry once in awhile, before Anna was born. Now, I worry about it a lot," Sofia solemnly admitted. She paused, and then continued, "You chose to have Anna, and even the boys. You didn't get to choose me."

"Why didn't you bring this up earlier?" Arizona prodded.

"You never seemed like you would want to talk about it. You don't talk about Dad. You don't like to talk about stuff like that," Sofia solemnly replied.

Arizona exhaled the deep breath she had been holding. It was clear from Sofia's body language that she wanted her space, so Arizona moved so she was kneeling right in front of Sofia, keeping her hands to herself on her own thighs, leaving a space between them. Sofia was sitting on the chair, with her legs pulled to her chest and arms wrapped around them. "Mom and I split up a second time. I won a grant that required me to go to Africa for three years. Mom was going to join me. As much as she wanted me, she didn't really want to move to Africa. Long story short, I literally left her in the airport. "

Sofia's eyes popped open. "You're kidding, like you dumped her and got on the plane without her? You dissed her at the airport with all those people there?" the teen asked in disbelief.

Arizona guiltily nodded. "Well, the grant opportunity was great, Africa was great but I was unhappy. My success meant nothing without Mom; I cried constantly. She was, or rather she is my everything. I ended up leaving after a few months. When I returned to Seattle, it turned out your Mom had briefly been in a...… relationship with your dad trying to get over me and she was pregnant. They weren't romantically involved, just good friends. It took awhile for her to take me back, I was persistent. But ultimately, even though she loved your dad, she was in love with me. The first time I saw your heartbeat, I felt like your mom. I was there when you were born. I saw your first breath. Knowing you were there waiting for me helped me survive those days in the mountains after the crash. I always wanted you. "

The room was awkwardly quiet. Arizona felt the need to clarify further. "Sofia, you were the silver lining in all that. I would not change a thing about that time because it means we have you. You and I may not share DNA, but our bond is special, you know that. We have the same mannerisms, we like the same movies, you and I are more alike than any of the kids. You are part of my soul, all you kids are."

The room was silent. Dr. Michaels, who had let the discourse continue without interrupting, decided it was time to interject. "You have both shared a lot of information. I don't want to end this discussion without making sure Sofia feels that her questions have been answered. Sofia, what do you think about what your mother said? "

Sofia stared at her mother, "I want to believe you, but I still don't understand why you can't just live at home?" Arizona just cringed as Sofia asked her question.

"It's not that easy. Mom and I will always love you, Carlos, Danny and Anna. Mom and I will always love each other. But right now we need to figure out if we are still _in love_ with each other. We might be better friends than spouses. Marriage is about being 100% committed, and I haven't been 100% in these last few months. Mom deserves better. We each have had time this week to think about that. I am not back to me yet, I may never get there. I've had some good days but I've had bad days as well; you've seen that. I'm not sure I trust myself if I am drifting in and out of my own warped universe. Do you understand? This is something Mom and I need to figure out with each other."

Dr. Michaels added "I think this is a good stopping point for today. A lot has been said and shared today. Sofia, you have a lot going on and you are trying to wade through so much by yourself. I would like to recommend that you see a colleague of mine who works with a lot of teens, if you are willing? A few appointments with her would help you sort through all that has happened. "

Sofia looked at the psychiatrist as asked "Do you know about last Friday night?"

Dr. Michaels nodded, "I do, when cases involving traumatic situations are being managed here at the hospital our department is notified in case a consult is needed. It was determined that you did not need to be seen; your mother is already my patient so you would have been assigned to someone else. You have quite a support system beyond your mothers. But after listening to you today, an impartial person to process things with would not be a bad idea."

"I'll think about it," Sofia concluded.

"Arizona, see you next week?" Dr. Michaels confirmed.

"You will, thank you," Arizona replied.

They two left Dr. Michaels and wordlessly made their way to Arizona's office to pick up a few items. Suddenly Sofia stopped, her eyes watery, turned to her mother. Arizona was taken back, "What's wrong?" she asked alarmed.

"I don't hate you but I don't know what I am feeling," the teen divulged.

Arizona smiled at her daughter, offering her a hug which Sofia accepted as her tears flowed down her cheeks. "Sofia, a lot has been happening; it's okay to be confused by what you feel. I haven't been easy to love, that's for sure. I'm glad you don't hate me. I love you even though I don't do a good job showing you, don't ever forget that. Nothing will ever change that." Arizona continued her final phrase silently, _'even if I don't live with you.'_

Prior to returning home, at Sofia's suggestion, the two stopped by the police station where Sofia made a very brief statement, and then they enjoyed lunch at a local café. Sofia talked about getting back to school next week and excitedly about her team's next debate against Raleigh High the following Thursday, which Arizona promised to attend. Arizona and Sofia eventually returned home to attempt to complete the few school assignments remaining.

* * *

A/N 2: Poem: No Man Is An Island by John Donne

A/N 3: _Fine_ acronym: The Italian Job Movie, 2003


	13. Chapter 13

End of Chapter 12 ( Friday afternoon in Seattle)

Prior to returning home, at Sofia's suggestion, the two stopped by the police station where Sofia made a very brief statement, and then they enjoyed lunch at a local café. Sofia talked about getting back to school next week and excitedly about her team's next debate against Raleigh High the following Thursday, which Arizona promised to attend. Arizona and Sofia eventually returned home to attempt to complete the few school assignments remaining.

* * *

Ch13 (Friday night in Seattle)

Having not heard from Callie yet, Arizona decided to call her wife Friday night to confirm the plans for tomorrow's return. She tried Callie's cell phone, but it went directly to voice mail, so she called her parents'. "Hi Mom" Arizona cheerfully said.

"Wow, twice in a week! Everything is still going well?" Barbara Robbins asked her daughter in a cautiously optimistic tone.

"It is, Sofia is finishing the final project. She really worked hard this week. I am proud of her. I was trying to call Callie to confirm the plans for tomorrow but her cell is off," Arizona noted.

"Poor Callie, she's in bed, something about too much fun last night and the Tower of Terror. She was looking pretty green when we left Disneyland this afternoon. The kids had an absolute ball. Your father's head is still spinning from all the rides he went on," Barbara explained. Callie had successfully met her in-laws and her children at Disneyland this morning after leaving the resort she had spent the previous few days at.

"Oh," Arizona solemnly commented. '_Too much fun'_, she thought_. 'I am certainly not fun, at least anymore. I'm not fun; I'm not happy and even perky.'_ Arizona floundered.

"I will have Callie call you when she wakes," Barbara offered.

"No, no, I'm…I'm going to bed early, just tell her I will meet their plane at 5:00pm." Arizona automatically reverted to avoidance; afraid that any further communication with Callie would confirm that Callie has figured out it is time to move on.

Arizona and Sofia opted for another impromptu movie night, watching _The Princess Bride._ After the movie, Sofia called it a night and went to bed. "Since when was PG so deep, _'Mawage, that bwessed awangement' _blah blah blah_"_ Arizona groaned to herself as she placed the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

Everywhere she turned, the truth was subliminally thrust upon her, she continued her rant, "Tonight _The Princess Bride_, Wednesday it was _Finding Nemo_. I can't believe I'm now quoting a damn Clown Fish. _'I'm feeling... happy,'_ thanks Marlin." But it was big deal because whether or not she acknowledged it, she had been happy, not all the time but a lot more this week. Arizona tried to reconcile the conflicting emotions within her.

Arizona decided it was time for her to go to bed as well, just so she could shut her brain off. She suddenly became conscious that tonight would be the last night at home, tomorrow night she would be returning to her single bed at what she dubbed _the Karev Fraternity House_. Accepting this, she poked her head into her daughter's bedroom, just….because. Thinking her daughter was asleep, she whispered, "Goodnight Sof, love you."

Sofia, with her back to the door, spoke, "Mama, are you ever coming home? Are you and Mom going to split up?"

Arizona inhaled, remembering the advice earlier from Dr. Michaels; Sofia is mature enough to know _some_ things. "I don't know what's going to happen," which was true.

Arizona wanted nothing more than to avoid this conversation all together, but during this morning's session she was called on the carpet by Dr. Michaels for not being honest with her daughter. "Nothing is ever certain, you know that Sof. Remember after the meeting at school with Mr. Jones and your teachers I told that missing the trip was a consequence you would just need to deal with?"

"Yes" Sofia quietly said.

"Well, some of what has happened I've had no control over. But I've made some mistakes too, some big ones. Marriage is more than love. If it was just about love then I would tell you with 100% certainty that we would be together forever. But not living here might be a consequence I'll need to deal with, but Sofia, we're not there yet. It's been hard these last few months, for everyone, but we're not there." Arizona explained.

"You and Mom always preach let it go, forgive each other. You can't take your own advice?" Sofia argued.

Arizona stepped into the room and sat on the bed. "Sofia, look at me. Have you forgiven me for walking out, leaving you, not showing up those times when I was supposed to, for not being honest with you about what is happening, for cancelling your trip, for grounding you, taking your cell phone?"

Sofia guilty looked at her mother, "I have for some of it, like the trip and the grounding. But it's not like I don't want you to be my mother, I'm just kind of mad at you right now."

Arizona smiled "See Sof, some things are easier to forgive than others. Carrying that kind of baggage around doesn't work in a marriage. But that's between Mom and me to figure out, and we are trying. Regardless of what happens, you kids will always be our priority and we are always going to love you, I'm always going to be your Mama, no matter what, I promise. Okay?

Sofia answered "Fine."

How she hated that word. "Goodnight Sofia," Arizona shut the door feeling forlorn.

xxxxx

With the prior evening's conversation conveniently swept under the carpet, Saturday morning Arizona and Sofia made a plan which included making dinner for the family: chicken parmigiana, and brownie sundaes for dessert. After grocery shopping, even purchasing fresh flowers, they prepared the meal and ensured the house was clean. Neither was a great cook, but each could hold her own in the kitchen; Callie was a good teacher. At 4:30pm they left for the airport.

The boys saw Arizona before she saw them. She braced herself in time to absorb their tackle. Anna hugged her around the knees just seconds later, reaching her arms up indicating she wanted to be carried. Arizona happily obliged the chatty youngster, who was carrying her new American Girl doll. When she looked up after securing Anna in her arms, her breath hitched, "Calliope."

Callie looked fabulous, she looked tanned and rested and…happy Arizona surmised. She walked with confidence and purpose, she had a bounce in her step, Callie seemed to be back to her old self. She was glad that her wife had a good week, but Arizona's stomach knotted with the knowledge that this might be the beginning of the end.

Sofia excitedly hugged her Mom, each remembering the last time they embraced Sofia was attached to all sorts of tubes and Callie was crying. Callie made a mental note of how happy Sofia seemed; the week at home with Arizona was a good one. The two mothers exchanged gratifying smiles but nothing more, as both were draped in children and they were strategically maneuvering their way to the van with kids and luggage in tow.

The younger kids boisterously flew through the front door at home, heading straight to the playroom where they rediscovered their toys. Sofia and Callie remained in a long discussion, going over the past week. As Callie entered the front door, she noticed Arizona's suitcase waiting in the hallway.

Arizona went directly to the kitchen. "Dinner will be ready in a just a bit, how about a glass of wine?" she called out to Callie. Sofia decided that it would be a good time to make herself scarce, leaving her mothers alone. She went to the playroom where Anna was determined to tell her big sister, in a play-by-play mode, exactly what she missed this week.

"Wine would be great, though after Thursday night I swore off alcohol." Callie joked.

"So it was fun?" Arizona confirmed.

"The place was awesome, the weather was super. It was wonderful spending time with Addison, it had been ages. I felt like a college kid again on a road trip." Callie laughed. Callie went on to share the specifics of the trip and her time with Addison. Callie glowed as she spoke, and Arizona, distracted by Callie's animation and enthusiasm, heard very little of what was said but her eyes never left Callie.

Before the discussion could turn to anything else, the timer on the stove went off and Arizona remembered dinner. "Oh, wow, dinner is ready." '_Saved by the bell'_ she thought, feeling rather inadequate in Callie's glamorous shadow. Arizona recalled Callie's spiel many years ago about no longer _'walking tall'_, after some particularly disastrous relationships. At the time Arizona was sympathetic but not empathetic. Tonight she was empathetic. "I get it," she said under her breath.

Callie looked up, "Did you say something?"

"Oh no, I just said 'I got it, the dinner. I've got the dinner," Arizona recovered.

The Robbins-Torres family sat down to dinner together for the first time in four months. It was familiar and comfortable. No one asked to be excused early; everyone shared. The conversation was vibrant and engaging. The chemistry at the table was apparent to everyone. Anyone observing this scene would assume _'life is good'_ because at that very moment it was, it was perfect.

After stuffing themselves with the brownie sundaes, Arizona offered to get Carlos and Danny bathed and into bed. The boys asked Arizona to read them the same book they always asked her to read, _Mama Do you Love Me?_

Callie carried a very sleepy Anna to bed and tucked her in_. _Sofia said goodnight to her mothers and made her way to her bedroom. Losing all the electronics this week left Sofia with few options but to read, and much to her chagrin, she discovered a very good book which she was anxious to continue.

Arizona found Callie in the kitchen, finishing up the dinner dishes; Arizona chipped in. The two easily made small talk, they spoke about how well Arizona's parents seem, how well Addison's practice is going and all the things the kids did in California. Callie showed her wife the pictures she took, mostly of the kids with her parents but some at the resort. The photos of the kids were great; she found the ones from the resort a bit too revealing for her taste.

Arizona knew she needed to fill Callie in on Friday, which was the lesser of two evils she decided when determining which topic to bring up first: Sofia or their relationship. Both were unavoidable, but stalling on the latter was preferable since she was still uncertain of what was actually happening in her head.

Out of the blue Arizona spewed "I brought Sofia with me to my appointment with Dr. Michaels."

She totally caught Callie off-guard. "You what? Did she even want to go? She didn't say anything about it" Callie asked in a surprised tone.

"I know I should have talked to you about it first, it was a last-minute decision. We had a big blow up on Wednesday, things were said. In Sofia's words I was way more 'fucked' up than she was."

"She said that, since when does she think she can talk like that to you, to anyone? She was taught better than that. I'm …"

"Callie, it's okay, I handled it," Arizona smiled as she explained. "Well, Sofia did want to go, well sort of. I told her she needed to go to hospital with me, but I didn't exactly tell her that it was for my appointment, she thought I had a consult or something."

"And?" Callie skeptically wondered.

"It was her choice whether or not to wait outside or join me. She went in and she ended up with lots to say. It turns out there are some big things that are bothering her. She's been worried I didn't or I don't want her, or I don't want to be a mom anymore. She's heard stories about the first time we broke up and even Africa."

"Arizona this is a big deal. What exactly did you say?" Callie cringed as she posed the question, Callie could feel all her accumulated rest and relaxation starting to seep out.

"I told her the truth, well the Cliff Note version, including how I left you in the airport. She was not too impressed with me. She told me later that she probably wouldn't have taken me back after I 'dissed' you like that," Arizona sheepishly grinned. "I think she knows now that I always wanted to be her mom."

"That's it?" Callie hesitantly asked.

"Sofia is pretty angry with me, not that I can blame her. I need to keep working at it. We have not been up front with her and we need to be. Dr. Michaels thinks that maybe she should see someone for a few sessions. You should talk to Sofia." Arizona said in an encouraging manner.

"Okay, I will; that's probably a good idea. Communication is not really our strong suit; we're not exactly upfront with each other. Speaking of talking, how about us? We need to set a time to talk about us," Callie's tone switched from curious to somber. She had made a few a decisions last week, and the big conclusion was she was done living her life this way. She wanted to make it clear to Arizona that things were going to change.

Arizona nodded in agreement, but refused to look Callie in the eye.

Callie continued, "How about Saturday night, Arizona? Dinner? I know it's a week away but I'm out straight through Thursday. I even need to go into work tomorrow, I'm not sure about your schedule. Sofia can babysit; she'll still be grounded and can't go out anyhow." She looked at Arizona sincerely.

"Okay. I'm working Saturday but I should be done by 5:00pm. Tell me where I can meet you," Arizona nervously questioned.

"Why don't you pick me up, you can see the kids that way, plus it's much more fun to get be driving in a BMW rather than a mommyvan. I'll make a reservation for 6:30pm." Callie could see already that Arizona was getting her walls in place, afraid of how the conversation would go. But Callie knew after the week away, the time had come for changes that Arizona would just have to deal with.

Arizona looked at her watch and said "Well, it might be better if I just to meet you, in case I get stuck at work, you know. Okay? I should go, it's late."

"Fine" Callie readily conceded to both of Arizona's requests, much to Arizona's dismay.

"Good night," Arizona said as she grabbed her suitcase and rushed out of the house, certain that this was her future: occasional dinners with the kids, and nights by herself. She berated herself mentally, "I finally figure that the life I have been living is not what I want at the same time Callie realizes that marriage to me is not what she wants.

* * *

A/N: references: "_Mawage, that bwessed awangement" quote from The Princess Bride movie._

_"I'm feeling... happy" quote from Finding Nemo movie_

_Mama Do you Love Me? By Barbara M. Joose_


	14. Chapter 14

End of Chapter 13 (Saturday night)

"Good night," Arizona said as she grabbed her suitcase and rushed out of the house, certain that this was her future: occasional dinners with the kids, and nights by herself. She berated herself mentally, "I finally figure that the life I have been living is not what I want at the same time Callie realizes that marriage to me is not what she wants.

* * *

Chapter 14

After the week off, Callie needed to work Sunday afternoon for a bit, preparing for some big, long surgeries later in the week. The plan was for Arizona to watch the children but then Owen called Sunday morning.

"Arizona, this is Owen Hunt. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday, but I have a favor to ask," Owen said.

Arizona knew that the Chief of Surgery would only be calling on a Sunday if he needed something important. "Hi Owen, what can I do for you?" Arizona inquired.

"I just got a call from the Chief of Surgery at Seattle Pres. One of the grandchildren of a board member there was brought in on an emergency. Their head of Peds is out-of-town, and the board member is not comfortable with the on-call doc. I was hoping that you or one of your staff would go over and take a look," Owen asked.

Flattered by Seattle Presbyterian's request for her or one of her attendings piqued her interest. "I'll go over Owen, it's probably nothing big," she offered. After hanging up from her call with Owen, she remembered she was going to watch her kids later. She called Callie quickly to let her know she would be delayed in arriving.

"Hi Callie. Can Sofia watch the kids for a bit, I'm going to be late? Owen just called and needs me to swing by Seattle Pres to check on a patient. The patient is a VIP of sorts and the regular pediatric surgeon is not available," Arizona explained.

"Arizona, can't you send someone else? The kids are looking forward to seeing you," Callie implored. Callie couldn't believe that after their incredible family dinner the previous evening, Arizona would opt to play hooky.

"It shouldn't take that long, but Sofia can do it," Arizona defended.

Exasperated, Callie emphasized, "I know she can, she covers for you ALL the time Arizona."

"It's a unique circumstance, it's good PR for Seattle Grace. I'll be over as soon as I'm done," Arizona justified.

The deep down truth was Arizona was still apprehensive about walking through the door of her house. Last night was great, she truly felt at home amidst her family. But after returning to her bleak room at Alex's, she became anxious and panicky. She had no sooner fell asleep than a nightmare woke her. Grateful it was only a nightmare, she was reminded of her misgivings about the future. The memories of the past held Arizona in a vice, and she was unable to unshackle its grip.

Callie was left with little choice but to have Sofia watch the kids. She didn't want to upset Owen, he was her boss. Walking away from a special request case like this did not bode well for one's reputation either. The bottom line was Callie was not comfortable pushing Arizona too hard, there had been some progress; at least Arizona was still coming over, just a little later. So Callie grudgingly complied with Arizona's request. Callie would take even a flicker of light at the end of the long, dark tunnel.

Arizona arrived at Seattle Pres just after noon. After meeting briefly with the hospital's Chief of Surgery, she went to the nurse's station to read the patient's chart. An eight year old female had flipped head over heels while riding her bicycle. Thank goodness the youngster was wearing a helmet, so other than a mild concussion she was alright in the neurological department. The girl was complaining of tenderness in the abdomen.

Arizona asked the nurse who was the physician on duty for Pediatrics. Aware that her presence there meant she was probably stepping on toes, it was important to her to be professional and meet with the doctor before examining _his_ patient. Arizona was curious to see who this physician was, and why the family had requested an alternate doctor be called in.

"It is Dr. Parsons. Would you like me to page him for you?" the nurse asked.

"Please," Arizona answered.

A few minutes later, an elderly gentleman, dressed in a white lab coat, ambled toward the nurses' station. "You paged for me?" he asked.

The nurse proceeded, "Yes Dr. Parsons, this is Dr. Robbins from Seattle Grace. She was asked to consult on Ashley Turner, the girl from the bicycle accident."

"Oh yes, the board member with the injured grandchild, who apparently thinks I'm not competent enough to care for the child. You must be the esteemed Dr. Robbins? Your reputation precedes you. I am the antiquated Dr. Parsons," the older man rancorously said while extending his hand to Arizona.

Taken back by the sarcastic introduction, Arizona shook the man's frail hand and replied "Yes, I'm Dr. Robbins, nice to meet you. Perhaps we could move this along and go examine this patient." She was uncomfortable because not only was the man bitter about her presence, but he was old, older than anyone she had ever worked with. His age did not mean he was not capable, but it did raise a flag.

In checking the young girl out, Arizona immediately suspected a ruptured spleen and explained her fear to Dr. Parsons.

"The CT results are on their way, I came to the same conclusion and I have already spoken with the family, letting them know that surgery most likely will be required," Dr. Parsons explained.

"Great, so why am I here if you already know what the problem is?" Arizona curtly questioned.

"The family does not want me to perform the surgery; evidently they don't think I know my ass from my elbow. They are expecting you do it," the doctor acrimoniously explained.

"I was not planning on doing more than a consult," Arizona stammered.

"Here are the scans now, look this girl needs surgery or she could die. The family does not think I am adept enough to do it. You don't have a lot of options; the family is under the impression that you have been brought in to handle this. Regardless of what you think or want, the life of this girl is now in your hands, " the doctor barked.

Regretting that she had not sent one of her staff over instead, Arizona conceded. "Fine, I will do it. Can you book an OR stat? I will speak with the family."

Arizona introduced herself to the family and detailed what the plan was. The family checked and double checked that she would be the one handling the surgery. Arizona struggled through the awkwardness of the situation; it is one thing to steal someone else's surgery in your own hospital, but to go to another hospital and take over another doctor's OR was bad. She found Dr. Parsons at the nurses' station "Dr. Parson, will you be scrubbing in?" she queried.

"You're not scared that I'm going to forget what I'm doing in there? Or worried I might just keel over?" the man bitterly asked.

"Dr. Parsons, I am sure you are a fine surgeon, families can be difficult sometimes. You are welcome to join me in the OR if you would like," Arizona diplomatically offered.

"I'm honored," the elderly doctor cynically replied.

Arizona quickly called her house to let Sofia know she was pulled into a surgery and would be even later than expected. Sofia reassured her mother she had it all under control and not to worry. Arizona was not worried about Sofia, she was worried about Callie. Callie would not be happy about this, Arizona promised her wife she would be there sooner rather than later.

As the two doctors were scrubbing in, Dr. Parsons spoke, "You must wonder what a dinosaur like me is doing in a place like this?"

Arizona shrugged unsure of where the question was leading.

"I used to be like you, an up and coming superstar. Google me. Yes, the old man even knows about Google. I wrote papers, made breakthroughs. I was once considered cutting-edge. But in time, upstarts like you came up through the ranks. Before I knew it, I was out of date; it will happen to you one day too," the doctor sardonically rationalized.

As Arizona repaired the ruptured spleen, with Dr. Parsons effectively assisting. She asked, "Why are you even still here, still working? You've put your time in, you deserve to relax, play golf, travel."

"This is all I have left. The younger doctors tolerate me because I take their weekend on-calls, their holidays. I don't see much OR time these days, but I can read a chart, diagnose a patient, I'm still a good doctor. I'm not incompetent, I'm old. But old age can be a death sentence," the doctor gloomily acknowledged.

After scrubbing out, Arizona called her house; she was surprised when Callie answered. "Delayed a bit? Arizona I'm back already, it's almost 5:00pm. Obviously, you don't need to watch the kids anymore," Callie said frustratingly.

Morosely, Arizona answered, "Ok, sorry. The patient needed emergency surgery. I had no choice."

"Let's talk tomorrow Arizona, I need to go, the boys are fighting again," Callie replied begrudgingly and the phone call ended. Callie was torn, Owen needed Arizona, and the kids wanted their truant mother. Callie chided herself, "I'm a surgeon, I get this but it just doesn't make it any easier," as she made her way to the family room to separate her sons.

xxxxxxx

Arizona had not eaten all day. She decided to check out the cafeteria food at Seattle Presbyterian before she left; even if it was no better than Seattle Grace at least it was a change of scenery. She finished charting for the Turner girl and noticed Dr. Parsons walking down the hall. Her conversation with him in the OR left her feeling woeful, "Dr. Parsons, I was just going to grab a bite to eat in the cafeteria, would you care to join me?"

He chuckled, "A pretty girl like you should be going home to your husband. Surgeons lose enough family time; you need to snatch what you can, when you can."

Arizona blushed.

Dr. Parsons pointed, "I saw your wedding band."

"Well, actually wife, I'm married to a woman," she corrected.

Dr. Parsons raised his eyebrows.

Arizona immediately became defensive, "Yes, I'm gay; do you have a problem with that?"

Dr. Parsons smirked and countered, "I'm old; do you have a problem with that?"

After a second or two, Arizona grinned, there was more to this man than she originally thought.

Dr. Parsons continued, "Seriously, go home to your wife. If you have kids, go enjoy them. I overheard some of your conversation when we were scrubbing out. Sounds like you were expected earlier."

"It's not that simple." Arizona wistfully replied, not even able to look her new colleague in the eye as she spoke. "My life is not easy right now."

"Oh, so you want _easy._ Alright, I will take you up on your offer for dinner and I'll tell you about _easy_, " Dr. Parsons asserted. The new acquaintances walked down the hallway, towards the cafeteria.

It did not take long for Dr. Parsons to get on his soapbox, "That's the problem with you kids today; you all want it easy, simple. Cripe, we give out trophies today to children for just showing up, and then we complain that they don't have any work ethic. What do you think that wedding band is, a trophy for just showing up? Let me tell you about easy. Back in the day, I was going to make a name for myself. I took those referrals, just like you did today. I've showed up a surgeon or two in the OR in my time. What goes around, comes around, right? I missed time with my family; it was easy to put them second. I let my wife handle the dirty diapers, the fighting, the driving, even the discipline, it was too much of a hassle for me. I had a hundred valid excuses; it was all about the medicine. I can count on two hands which of my children's events I showed up for. I even missed their births. I can proudly say today my kids are a chip off the 'ole block; I am low on their list of priorities. I might hear from them a few times a year, a Christmas card, the grandkids' school pictures show up in the mail. They both live on the east coast. We used to get together, but the forced conversations proved how much we don't know each other. I'm just a cantankerous, old man to them."

The sincerity and sadness of the man's words took Arizona back, "How about your wife?" she asked compassionately.

The older man's demeanor became melancholy, "My wife died eight years ago. I went to one of those AMA dinners, couldn't miss that, I didn't want people to forget who I was. My wife could have gone, but it was boring for her. She was sick of attending work related events, that's what we mostly did for years."

The two doctors sat at a table in the corner of the cafeteria with their trays. Dr. Parsons continued, "I came home and I thought she was in bed, we had different nighttime routines by that point. Though, there was a time when we couldn't wait to get to bed," Dr. Parsons winked, making Arizona turn crimson.

The doctor continued, "She had a heart attack, and I didn't even know it until hours later. It turns out she hadn't been feeling well lately; she didn't want to bother me. I found out from her friends. She was just going to handle it by herself and why not, I let her to do that for years. We were so disconnected. So the burden my wife attempted to spare me from now sits squarely on my shoulder, everyday I'm alone, it gets heavier. I miss her. She should have told me, she should have felt comfortable enough to tell me, but I shut her out. The kids don't say it, but I know they blame me. I let work be my life, my family came second."

The elderly gentleman looked forlornly at Arizona, his eyes glassy, "Now I have _simple_, my life is _easy_, it's just me, myself and I, 24/7. So Dr. Robbins, that's why I am still working; it is all I have, if that is what you are looking for I can promise you it is lonely. One day, even the medicine won't be there; there is always a young go-getter, like you, rising up the medical ladder."

Arizona gulped, not sure of how to even respond. "Please, call me Arizona."

Dr. Parsons smiled, "I'm Bert. Look Arizona, nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Babe Ruth once said '_It's hard to beat a person who never gives up_.' I had heard that the hotshot peds surgeon from Seattle Grace was tenacious, but what do I know, I'm just a foolish old geezer."

Arizona mulled over the sage man's words as she finished her pudding.

Once they finished eating Arizona warmly said, "Bert, thank you for having dinner with me. Maybe we could do this again sometime?"

Bert Parson, obviously touched by the younger surgeon's request, grinned. "We can, as long as we don't make a habit of it. I'm not sure your wife would appreciate it," admonishing her with his brow furrowed.

Arizona nodded, acceding to the subtle reprimand by her perceptive friend, "Deal." As Arizona turned to leave, she added, "Bert, don't sell yourself short, you still have a lot to offer."

The pediatric surgeon returned to her room at Karev's. Unable to sleep, she pulled out her laptop and Googled "Dr. Bertrand Parsons" and started reading.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N 1: Thank you for continuing to read. Yes, I miss the former Mr. Feeny and enjoyed the camaraderie he shared with Cristina so I borrowed that relationship for Arizona; some characters are hard to let go of. While I have most of the story completed, it is not cast in concrete. The story continues to be edited and altered based on thoughts shared through reviews and PMs. Though I have enjoyed many stories on Fan Fiction, I personally struggle writing a review and I rarely have the nerve to do so. I truly appreciate those of you who do share your comments. Your input has encouraged me to think through situations more thoroughly, and revise (originally, I figured this would be perhaps six or so chapters). I am still learning.

* * *

End of Chapter 14 (Sunday Night)

The pediatric surgeon returned to her room at Karev's. Unable to sleep, she pulled out her laptop and Googled "Dr. Bertrand Parsons" and started reading.

* * *

Chapter 15 (Sunday Night)

To say Callie was frustrated would be an understatement. Only a day back from vacation and she felt as if never happened; it distressed her how easily Arizona's absence that afternoon rankled her. She was certain after the week in the house with Sofia, that Arizona would be more receptive to returning home or at least showing up, but no. "Last night seemed innocuous enough, why would Arizona shy away?" Callie struggled to understand. According to Sofia, Arizona seemed upbeat, at least during some of their time together.

Her patience was all but gone; Callie had become short-tempered with the kids. When Sofia told her that Arizona would be late today, Callie shot the messenger – she yelled at Sofia. Sunday night, after tucking everyone in bed, she dialed the one person she knew would understand, "Hi Barbara, this is Callie."

"Callie dear, how are you? Settled from your trip? We miss you all terribly," Barbara said to her daughter-in-law.

The phone was silent.

Concerned, Barbara said, "I have a feeling this is not a social call."

"No. Barbara, I need some help. We're not back 24 hours, and Arizona is already avoiding us. I need some guidance. Maybe my expectations were unrealistic, but I feel like I might just explode. I yelled at Sofia tonight, just for telling me Arizona didn't show up," Callie was clearly weeping as she spoke.

"Hmm. I hoped Arizona would have had a change of heart after last week. I have some thoughts; let me make a few phone calls. The military has a lot of resources; I'll call you tomorrow. Will that work?" Barbara offered.

"Okay," Callie answered in a downcast tone.

"Callie, remember we love you. I know Arizona loves you, she is just hurting now," Barbara reminded her daughter-in-law.

Drained, Callie answered, "Thank you Barbara. Talk to you tomorrow. "

xxxxxx

Monday morning started fast and furious. Neither doctor would be allowed much free time during the week, as department heads they were frequently pulled into meetings, plus having taken the previous week off, there was a backlog of surgeries waiting for each of them upon their return to Seattle Grace Hospital.

Mid-morning, after scrubbing out from surgery, Callie noticed she had a voice message from her mother-in-law.

She listened, _"Callie, I've made some phone calls to people on the base. Have you considered attending a PTSD support group? My friend located a few groups not too far from you. Tonight there is one. It will probably be mostly family members from the military, but it is a starting point. It starts at 7:30 at the Lincoln Library community room."  
_  
Callie thought about it, it wouldn't hurt to check it out. Maybe Arizona will agree to come by tonight, if not Sofa will have to watch the kids.

She quickly texted Arizona:

**I need to run some errands tonight. It would be great if you would watch the kids. Just a couple of hours.**

She couldn't wait for a response since her next surgery was ready to start.

Also in surgery, Arizona noticed the text from Callie a few hours later. As she read it, she was both anxious and relieved. Callie wasn't pressing her to go to the house, she was just asking. She could easily decline.

She pondered, _'There's that word again, easy. Easy is not really working for me these days. But work is easy, all business, no emotions. Family time is hard; I'm not the person I'm supposed to be,_' Arizona clicked reply on her phone, **- I'll try to come by after work**.

Callie answered -** :)**

Callie arrived home by 6:30pm. Mrs. Gonzales was feeding the children. Callie joined everyone at the table, quesadillas for dinner, which tasted awesome. She was starving. "Mama is hoping to be here tonight. I need to go out and run some errands."

"Are you sure she is coming Mommy? You said that yesterday," Anna whimpered.

"I know, I'm sorry. Let's hope tonight she can get out of work early enough to get here," Callie said, covering for her wife's absenteeism.

Mrs. Gonzales looked at Callie with hopeful eyes, "I will stay until Dr. Robbins arrives."

"Thank you, but if she gets tied up, Sofia can take over once the other children are in bed," Callie proposed.

After making sure she was comfortable with her outfit, and brushed her teeth, she gave her children hugs and kisses good-bye. "I need to get going. I expect to be back by 9:30," she said, specifically looking at Sofia.

Attending a support group did not make Callie nervous. As a doctor, she was used to communicating with people she did not know. However, she was uneasy about what she would learn; Callie realized she knew very little about PTSD, except as it pertained to Arizona. In her job, her some of her patients struggled with PTSD, but her time with them was so brief she never was personally involved.

Callie worked her way to the lower level of the library. Standing in the doorway, she peaked in the room and she saw a half-dozen people, more women than men, sitting in a circle. A man walked up behind her, "Are you here for the support group?" he inquired.

Startled, Callie jumped. "Sorry to frighten you," he apologized.

"No, you didn't, well maybe a little," she admitted.

"I'm Pete," the man, maybe thirty years old or so, said.

She extended her hand, "Callie."

"You're new," Pete observed.

Callie grinned, "Is it that obvious? I am, I just wanted to check it out."

"New people always peak in, and wait by the door. Really, the hardest part is just deciding to show up. We're a pretty tame bunch," Pete assured her.

She offered a slight smiled.

"Come on," Pete said, as he took her by the hand and guided her in.

The two entered the room, and joined the circle. One of the women was the facilitator.

"Good evening, before we get started, it looks like we have a newcomer. Just to make sure you are in the right place, this is a PTSD support group. My name is Linda, I am the group leader. Perhaps we can introduce ourselves and if comfortable, share a bit. I can start. My story is that my son returned from his tour of duty overseas suffering from PTSD five years ago. I am proud to say that these days he is a successful computer programmer with a family. We had a rough go of it at the beginning. It was through a group similar to this that I was able to learn to manage the PTSD, to help my son take the steps necessary to heal and I learned not to let his challenges bring me down. I trained, taking the needed courses to become a group leader so I can help others gain the same success I have."

Each member spoke, offering different tidbits about his or her life. Pete was sitting next to her, his wife had returned from Iraq and she was suffering from flashbacks, and had some anger management issues. Another person said how their spouse would disappear for days and then return like there was no problem. Each story unique, but so many similarities. A common thread was how every person sitting in that room had no single solution to the problem but were committed enough to his or her person not to give up.

It was Callie's turn. "My name is Callie. My wife was in a plane crash twelve years ago. She lost one of her legs as a result. Two of the people she was with died. Things were rough at the time but everything improved, for years. They were actually great, but then four months ago, she treated some victims from a plane crash and it triggered nightmares and night terrors, so many bad memories. She has shut us all out. She moved out a few months back. I just feel I'm losing her. I know it's not her fault but she doesn't come home to see the kids. She says she is coming but finds excuses not to. She won't talk to me, really not to anyone."

Tears filled her eyes as her bottled emotions bubbled to the surface, "I'm just not sure I can do this anymore. I'm frustrated with her, angry with this situation, and upset how our children are affected by this. My mother-in-law tracked down this group to hopefully help me."

Pete placed his arm around Callie, "Glad you came. We've all felt like that before."

"Really?" Callie incredulously asked. "I feel like such an awful person for not just saying those things out loud, but for even thinking them," she confessed.

"Really, we've all been there. I promise," Pete emphasized.

Linda started the discussion, "Last week we were going over some coping strategies. Why don't we go around and share what strategies have worked and perhaps not worked this week."

Callie was surprised, members were talking about cooking meals. Another person spoke about a hike she had taken with her fiancé. The woman, who earlier explained that her husband would disappear for brief periods of time, told how she joined an Adult Ed painting class she had always wanted to take.

Pete mentioned how he and his wife were attending a yoga class together. He was not crazy about yoga, but his wife used to love it, it was something they could do together. Much to his dismay, he discovered that yoga was actually very relaxing.

Callie was amazed by how well these people were coping; even though there were tears shed, there was also laughter and no shortage of supportive hugs during the meeting.

As the session was drawing to a close, Linda spoke up, "Callie, do you have any goals for the week?"

Callie laughed, "Well, originally it was to make my wife move home, but I'm thinking that might be a bit ambitious after listening to all of you," the group laughed.

Linda suggested, "I would pick one or two simple goals. Pick something you like, something simple. What do you like to do for fun or relaxation."

"Well, I like to cook," Callie revealed.

"Perfect. Making a healthy meal and sharing it with your wife would be a great idea. So often people with PTSD isolate themselves, healthy eating falls by the wayside. A poor diet has a negative impact on healing," Bonnie noted. "How about you? What have you done for yourself lately?" she asked.

Callie shook her head, "Well, I just had a few days away, but honestly, after twenty-four hours home I feel like it never happened. I don't have much free time. I work long hours and I am essentially a single parent to four kids."

"Exercise is crucial. Not just for your spouse but for you. Just a simple walk everyday can make a world of difference in reducing stress. Maybe you can convince your wife to join you, but if not, go yourself. Fifteen minutes are all it takes, though more would be better. Callie, keep in mind you are human. There will be times, as much as you will try to stay calm, cool and collected, you might lose your patience. Don't be too hard on yourself. Stay after a couple of minutes, I created a handout that might be helpful based on the VA's web site. Thank you all for coming. I hope you all have a good week, remember to focus on small, manageable goals. Callie, I hope we see you next week," Linda explained.

Callie collected the handout on her way out. She was not only surprised by the camaraderie of the group but also how connected she felt with these people who were essentially strangers. They all made a point to make her feel welcome and a few even jotted down their phone number on the back of her handout should she need some support before the next meeting. She realized that some people were battling bigger challenges. She read the sheet as she walked out.

_**Learn: **about PTSD.  
Go to doctor visits.  
Offer to listen_

_**Understand:** if s/he doesn't feel like talking._

_**Plan:** family activities together.  
Take a walk, or do some other physical activity together.  
Encourage contact with family and close friends._

_**Remember:**__ Your family member may not want your help. _

_Withdrawal can be a symptom of PTSD. _

_S/he may not feel like talking, taking part in group activities, or being around other people. _

_**Give:** your person space, _

**_Remind:_**_ him/her that you will always be ready to help._

"Well," Callie conceded, "at least we do go to the doctor together. I've given her space, lots of space. But clearly, I need to reconsider my approach."

On her way home, she decided that she would bring lunch for both her and Arizona. She made a mental note to let Mrs. Gonzales know she would be bringing lunch to work in the future so she could plan for it when she went grocery shopping. Callie arrived home to find that Arizona never made it, but tonight she wasn't angry about it. She was disappointed, and frustrated but not angry. She packed two lunches, leaving them in the refrigerator.

Tuesday morning Callie sent a text off to Arizona:

**I brought you lunch today; it is in refrig in the Attendings' lounge. :)**

xxxxx

Since Sunday night's conversation with Dr. Parsons, Arizona's mind raced with worrisome thoughts. Arizona was shaken from her distraction when Callie's text arrived, _'She brought lunch?'_

She texted Callie back: **Thanks**

Arizona was relieved and perplexed that Callie wanted nothing more than to let her know she brought her lunch, _'She didn't ask to talk? She always asks to talk.'_ Callie's text fueled her fears.

Sunday night was a wake-up call; Arizona knew she was destined to suffer the same fate as the elderly doctor if things didn't change, if she didn't change. She fretted about her predicament. She had been pushing Callie away for months. While the PTSD was not her fault, her insular personality, and unwillingness to reach out for help exacerbated the situation and that was her fault.

Callie had begged her to come home often, while Arizona was encouraging Callie to move on. Arizona wished Callie would see how overwhelming home was for her, so many conflicting emotions filled her, making her anxious and panicky. Then some days she felt nothing, which frightened her even more.

Callie did everything to help her, but Arizona did not let her in. Now it was distressing to her that Callie did not ask to have lunch together, she just brought her the lunch. Of course, Arizona had declined lunch invitations a multitude of times, and in all likelihood she would have done so today, too. It was always reassuring to be asked. Arizona pushed everyone away. Was she now getting what she asked for, solitude?

At one time she had convinced herself that her family would always be there, waiting with open arms for the prodigal wife/mother to return. But with Sofia lashing out last week, hearing the pathetic tale of the older doctor which could very well be her future, and now Callie's distance, Arizona was forced to accept that people will move on without her.

Realizing time was not on her side, she put a call into Dr. Michaels. Arizona needed help to gather a plan that she could present to Callie on Friday, during their next appointment. Dr. Michaels had time to see Arizona Wednesday at 4:30pm.

Xxxxxx

Callie, determined to work on both goals the group leader suggested, passed on grabbing another coffee, deciding instead to take a walk outside. She had thirty minutes before her next surgery. She grabbed her jacket, and figured twice around the parking lot would be about fifteen minutes. As she was putting her coat on, Bailey saw her, "Leaving so soon? I thought you had a full day."

"I wish I was leaving Miranda, but I am going to take a quick walk around the parking lot on this glorious day, just for fifteen minutes before my next surgery. You can join me." Callie cheerily suggested.

"I'll pass. I stand almost all day, I don't need to make my feet suffer any more than they do already," Bailey dryly answered.

Callie, enjoying a rare sunny day, found herself smiling as she rounded the parking lot for the second time. Her phone vibrated. The text read: **Thanks for lunch, it was great.**

Fighting the urge to type more, Callie answered**: No problem, I'll do it again tomorrow. **

The balance of Tuesday Callie gave Arizona her space and Arizona kept her distance.

Xxxxx

Wednesday, Callie was called to the pit on a consult. A boy fell off the jungle gym at school. The hurting youngster definitely broke something; the question was how many bones did he break in his right arm?

Callie pulled the curtain and was taken back to find Arizona with the young boy. Arizona usually avoided these types of cases so that she could avoid Callie. "Hey," Arizona acknowledged.

Beaming, Callie greeted her wife, "Dr. Robbins, what a pleasant surprise. Well, who do we have here?"

Arizona explained how Tommy lost his footing during recess and took a fall, handing her wife the x-rays, "It looks like a couple of the growth plates have been damaged."

"Well Tommy, what do you want to be when you grow up? Callie asked as she perused the x-rays.

"I am going to be a quarterback like Tom Brady," the boy announced with confidence.

"Well, then I am going to need to fix your arm in a few places, which means surgery. When I am done you will be getting a super cool cast. What color do you like? "Callie told him.

"Wow, really, Tom Brady had surgery too, but he hurt his knee. Can I get three colors, the Patriots are red, white and blue?" he wondered aloud.

"For a future quarterback, no problem! Let me get ready, and I will see you shortly," the orthopedic surgeon promised. Arizona was always impressed how Callie managed children, by the time she finished with them, she had her patients looking forward to surgery.

Arizona walked out of the examination space with Callie, "Are you going to scrub in with me? I have him booked for an OR at 2pm," Callie asked her wife. Arizona looked at her conflicted.

Callie continued, "I could really use another set of hands in there, he has a few breaks. And you have good hands," Callie said devilishly.

Arizona remained speechless. Seeing that humor was not going to win over her wife, Callie pushed it further, "Look Arizona, forget what is happening at home. We can't avoid each other professionally. Kids break stuff all the time, you and I are going to have to work together if we are both employed here at Seattle Grace, no matter what happens in our personal life."

Nodding in agreement, "Okay, I'll scrub in," Arizona conceded, silently deliberating if the surgery might overlap with her appointment later that day.

"Great, see you at 2, don't forget about your lunch" Callie said smiling as she went to handle her next patient.

xxxxxxx

Arizona went to the Attendings' lounge to retrieve her lunch. She wanted to eat before her next surgery, and she was overjoyed to be eating something other than the institutional diet she had been subjecting herself to. As promised, her lunch was there, actually two lunches were there. Callie hadn't eaten yet.

She grabbed her lunch and was walking towards her office when she saw Callie in the distance with her coat on and an umbrella exiting the building, leaving the pediatric surgeon to speculate why. Callie rarely left the building when she was working.

xxxxxx

As the two surgeons were scrubbing in for Tommy's surgery, Arizona contritely said, "I'm sorry about Monday night. I got caught up here on a case."

Callie bit her tongue and nodded, "Don't worry about it, it worked out fine."

"I thought you would be angry?" Arizona proffered.

Remembering the information on the PTSD sheet explaining that a person may not want to be around people, and Callie carefully chose her words, "It would have been great if you could have made it, the kids were disappointed not to see you. Maybe next time."

Arizona stared at Callie, whom appeared oddly rational, _'She said only the kids were disappointed, and she left work today at lunchtime.' _Arizona thought back to when they were each working at separate hospitals, and they would sneak out at lunch to rendezvous in the park. She tried to erase the uncertainties bouncing around in her head.

The surgery was painstakingly slow, small breaks in small bones. Callie's music of choice kept the mood upbeat in the operating room. Callie took advantage of Arizona being held captive in the operating room to tell her about what was happening with the kids.

Awash with guilt about having to be enlightened as to what was happening with her own children, Arizona was relieved when Callie was starting to close up. It was 4:15pm. "Do you mind if I scrub out now? You don't need me, do you?" Arizona inquired.

_'I do you need you Arizona,'_ Callie thought to herself but refrained from sharing that aloud. "It's fine Arizona, I'm set," Callie replied, trying to _'give her person space'._

_xxxxx_

At 4:30pm Arizona entered Dr. Michaels' office. Without much prompting, a deluge of worries, fears, and reality flowed from the pediatric surgeon. She then told her doctor about the forthcoming doomsday dinner on Saturday.

"I understand what you are saying Arizona, but I don't understand why you can't just tell Callie what you've told me?" Dr. Michaels questioned.

"It's just that I'm afraid that, …that even though I know what I want, I'm not sure if I…" Arizona faltered.

"Arizona, just take a deep breath and say it," Dr. Michaels pushed.

The pediatric surgeon shored herself against the chair and divulged, "I've felt nothing positive for so long, just fear and anger and sadness, that I'm afraid that even if my head figures it out, my heart won't. I'll always love Callie on some level, but I'm scared that the passion won't be there. That I won't love Callie the way I used to. My heart use to race just seeing her, everything about her excited me. Now I am avoiding her, scared to see her, relieved when we don't cross paths. I am spending so many emotions trying to manage the memories of the crash; I have nothing left for her. When I'm not angry, sad or scared, I often feel vacant, empty. That's not okay, that's not what she signed up for when we married. What if Callie feels the same? I think she might." Arizona sunk back into the chair simultaneously relieved and terrified that she finally was able to explain herself.

Dr. Michaels remained silent while she processed what was said and her patient's reaction to it. After a minute or so, Dr. Michaels spoke, "Arizona, I think you need to revisit the crash with a trauma counselor. Trauma is not my forte. In my opinion you are trying hard to not recall the memories, painful memories, but those memories keep trying to surface. It's consuming you, leaving you spent for little else. I think it is important to see what aspect in particular of that awful event is haunting you. Based on what Sofia said, you do not speak about the crash at all, you seem to be suppressing quite a bit. I'd like to set you up with a doctor I know who specializes in trauma. May I?"

Arizona nodded.

Dr. Michaels quickly looked up a number and dialed it. After a moment or so communicating with the other doctor's office, Dr. Michaels covered the receiver and said, "Tomorrow at 5:30pm he can see you. Would that work?"

Again, Arizona nodded yes.

After getting a bit more information, the doctor hung up. She handed Arizona a slip of paper with the name, date, time and address. Dr. Michaels also added, "You may bring someone with you if you would like, someone who maybe could help you put the pieces together. But I need to be honest here, during your session on Friday, I strongly recommend you share these fears and worries you have with Callie."

"I'll think about, I'll try. Let me just get past tomorrow. Please," Arizona pleaded.

Dr. Michaels agreed to see how Thursday went before pushing her fragile patient any further.

Arizona left Dr. Michaels' office and paged the one person she knew could help her. She made her way to a certain on-call room to wait.

"In a million years I never thought you and I would be meeting surreptitiously in an on-call room. I know it's been a long time for you Robbins, but you must be desperate to call me," Cristina wickedly smiled.

"Really Cristina? That's not funny." Arizona replied all flustered. "I need a favor, it's a big favor. If you are not comfortable doing it, I understand because if you were asking me to do this thing, I would probably turn you down."

"You're rambling," Cristina petulantly noted.

"Are you around late tomorrow?" Arizona asked.

"Maybe," Cristina hesitatingly answered. "I'm not agreeing to anything until I know what you are asking. You're the crazy one, remember, not me?"

"I'm seeing a trauma counselor at 5:30pm to go over the plane crash. I am trying to deal with this PTSD thing. I was wondering if you would go with me? You are the only one who knew what happened the whole time," Arizona humbly asked.

Cristina stared at Arizona, "Did Callie ask you to ask me?"

"Callie doesn't know about the appointment. I don't want to tell her yet. I'm afraid she's going to leave me; actually I kind of hinted that she should leave me. But now I don't want her to, so I need to figure these nightmares and night terrors out, I need to deal with the crash," Arizona guiltily responded.

Cristina paused a few more moments before giving her answer, "You can run, but you can't hide, huh? You've tried to avoid dealing with it for twelve years Arizona, but you can't. I don't want to go, but I will. If I go, you're buying me dinner."

"I will. Thank you Cristina, please don't tell Callie. I don't want her to get her hopes up. This may backfire on me," Arizona said in a relieved tone.

"I doubt it will backfire, but I promise I won't say anything," Cristina replied begrudgingly.

Xxxxxx

Thursday Arizona felt uneasy, being exhausted didn't help. Saturday was drawing closer. Unsettled by the looming appointment later that day with the trauma counselor, Arizona found sanctuary in her office when not in the operating room. The previous evening kept her in surgery until the wee hours of the morning; she assigned all pediatric rounds and post-ops to Alex, whom was more than capable.

xxxxxxx

Feeling emotionally better after walking a couple days, Callie made sure to carve time out on Thursday to fit in the fifteen minutes into her schedule. Upon returning to the building, she realized she had not seen Arizona around, so Callie decided to check the Attendings' lounge to see if Arizona picked up her lunch. It was already 2:00pm. The lunch was still in the refrigerator. Wednesday night Arizona had been on-call, the ER had a busy night so she knew Arizona probably slept very little. Grabbing the bag, she went to Arizona's office to see if her wayward wife was still at the hospital.

Knocking on the door first, she poked her head in, "Lost in your charts? You didn't eat yet," Callie noted, seeing Arizona at her desk, with a stack of papers in front of her.

Arizona's heart pounded with anxiety upon seeing Callie. "I guess I lost track of time," she honestly answered. "Between the meetings and surgeries, it's crazy," she justified.

"Do you have a few minutes now? I still have an apple to eat, you know what they say about an apple a day," Callie joked.

Staving off a panic attack, Arizona struggled to reply, "I have a few minutes, and I should eat. Thank you Calliope for the lunches, they've been a real treat."

Callie raised her eyebrows upon hearing Arizona call her _'Calliope';_ a word that had become obsolete these last months. She knew Arizona unintentionally used the term of endearment. Understanding that it was a subconscious slip of the tongue helped strengthen Callie's resolve to help Arizona heal; _'Calliope'_ still held a place deep in Arizona. She sat down on the couch to finish her apple while her wife ate her lunch. At least Arizona wasn't avoiding her. It was the first time in awhile that the two had shared the same space privately; though it was silent, it was comfortable. As much as Callie wanted to blurt out a hundred comments and questions, she refrained and managed to stay mute. She wanted Arizona to just be at ease with her presence.

It didn't take long for Callie's pager to go off, "Well, I'm off to the ER. Leave those containers in my locker when you are done, and I will surprise you with something different tomorrow," Callie directed, grinning as she left.

Arizona nervously nodded, unsure of what to make of this unfamiliar, laid-back approach of Callie's.

It wasn't much, but Callie determined that the few minutes of time together, albeit quiet, was progress. She thought about the support group and how excited members got over the achievement of such small goals. Feeling upbeat by her own small feat, she understood.

Callie pulled out her phone and texted: **Thanks for having lunch with me, it was great. Kids are excited to see you tonight. :)**

* * *

**A/N 2: **PTSD source:www ptsd va gov Put . in the spaces


	16. Chapter 16

End of Chapter 15 (Thursday Afternoon)

It wasn't much, but Callie determined that the few minutes of time together, albeit quiet, was progress. She thought about the support group and how excited members got over the achievement of such small goals. Feeling upbeat by her own small feat, she understood.

Callie pulled out her phone and texted: **Thanks for having lunch with me, it was great. Kids are excited to see you tonight. :)**

* * *

Chapter 16 (Thursday Afternoon)

"Oh no! It's Thursday," Callie's text reminded her. It was her night with the kids; Callie worked late on Thursdays. Arizona remembered that Sofia's debate against Raleigh High was also later that day.

Arizona quickly dialed Mrs. Gonzales, "Mrs. Gonzales, this is Arizona. ….I'm fine, but I have a conflict tonight, a… ah… work thing; I'm going to be late. Can you stay until I get there? If I get delayed, Sofia can cover once the younger kids are in bed, until I get there….Thank you so much, bye." Callie did not usually get home until 11ish, Arizona deduced that she would have ample time to get to her house before Callie returned.

As she finished her call, Arizona saw Cristina in the hall, "Hey Cristina, all set for tonight, right?"

"I'm good," Cristina feebly answered.

"Listen, Sofia has a debate this afternoon at Raleigh, I promised I would go. I'll swing by and get you just after 5:00pm," Arizona apprised her colleague.

"I'll just come with you and see the debate, what time?" Cristina inquired.

"4pm, we can meet in the lobby," Arizona suggested.

The balance of the afternoon was hectic for Arizona, which was convenient as time sped by swiftly. She normally left early on Thursdays, having been on call the night before, but a mid-afternoon surge in the ER kept her copiously occupied until 3:45pm. As she changed into her street clothes, she prayed, a deviation from her pragmatic tenets that tonight would provide headway into solving the conundrum that was now her life. She met Cristina in the lobby and the two left for Raleigh High.

Xxxxxx

Mother and godmother secured seats in the rear of the small auditorium at Raleigh High so that they could make a quick exit once Sofia was finished. The positions presented between by both debate teams were outstanding. Sofia did an excellent job in stating her case, all that at-home time the week before clearly paid off. Once Sofia completed her piece, the two doctors needed to take their leave, but not before a proud Arizona donned an approving smile for the teen, who beamed when she saw it.

Xxxxxx

Arizona deftly piloted her BMW through the Seattle suburb, arriving in the parking lot of the professional building with minutes to spare. The women arrived at the office of Dr. Stan Jacobs just before 5:30pm. Within moments of arriving, the two were ushered into his simple office. "So Dr. Robbins, I understand from Dr. Michaels that we are to revisit some memories from a plane crash you were involved in twelve years ago. Is that correct?"

"It is. I've brought Dr. Cristina Yang with me. She is another crash survivor. She actually stayed awake for the four days, caring for us. I thought she might be able to help me by filling in any voids I have from when we were stranded," Arizona nervously explained.

"Nice to meet you as well Dr. Yang," said the trauma counselor.

"Before we start, I want to make sure your expectations are realistic. It's very rare that one session can resolve past issues, often it opens up the door to other unforeseen challenges. We will see how far we get tonight and you can decide then if you want to schedule future appointments. So Arizona, may I call by your first name?" the psychiatrist waited for approval from his client before proceeding. "Arizona, let's start with an overview, beginning with the events leading up to the plane trip first."

Arizona took a deep breath and started in; each time she wanted to skirt or minimize an issue, Cristina would clear her throat, or stare at her. Even before getting on the plane, there were topics that had been historically deemed taboo by Arizona, specifically Nick and Karev. She was now forced to not just confront those searing memories, she needed to explain her actions not just to the psychiatrist and Cristina but to her own self as well.

"In the moment, I guess I thought that escaping to Boise would be easier than dealing with a dying best friend and losing my prized protégé," Arizona paused momentarily, the word _'easier' _resonating in her mind, _'easier was anything but'_.

"I never said a final goodbye to Nick, I knew he was dying, but I never said goodbye or told him I loved him one more time, I just left. I was supposed to be back, I was supposed to have time to do that," she sincerely explained.

This many years later she was surprised how culpable she felt for both situations: guilt for not just leaving Nick, but also for forcing Alex to alter his future. She had been so angry at Alex for accepting the Johns Hopkins' offer and in the end she got her way; Alex Karev was essentially coerced into staying at Seattle Grace. Arizona often wondered if Alex resented her for that?

The dialogue evolved to the time in the woods, with Arizona sharing what she remembered and Cristina filling in the blanks. Arizona hung on to each of Cristina's words, unsure of what memories she ostensibly suppressed and what she never knew even happened. Dr. Jacobs continued to watch the vortex of emotions coursing through the pediatric surgeon as she spoke about different recollections. He jotted down notes here and there.

By 7:20pm the basics of the crash were covered, Dr. Jacobs suggested that this would be a good stopping point. He made a couple of remarks,"Arizona, in observing you, the times you were the most visibly stressed in sharing was at the beginning when you spoke of your friend Nick and then later when you spoke about Mark Sloan. Here are two men whom appeared to be very close friends of yours, and both of whom died untimely deaths. Appropriate closure for either one seems to be lacking, would you agree? "

Arizona stared at her feet, silent. Cristina piped in, "Come on Robbins, even I know that answer, you could write a best seller on avoidance strategies."

Arizona shot her colleague a hostile glance, "Yes. Nick died overseas while I was struggling with the amputation, and at the time I was very angry about my leg being cut off. All I felt was anger at Nick for dying, for not taking care of himself in the first place. Now, I guess I feel regret for not handling it better. I did nothing, I felt nothing when he died. I didn't even cry, Callie cried when she told me, but I didn't. "

Arizona continued speaking, "With Mark, I spent so long wishing he was not part of our lives, that when he died I thought for awhile that maybe I wished this on him. At one point, I even thought that the losing my leg was my punishment for wanting Mark out of our lives. Don't get me wrong, I loved Mark, at the end we were good, really good, I loved him like a brother, but at the beginning it wasn't like that."

Cristina added, "Arizona, then it was like losing a second brother." Cristina looked at Dr. Jacobs, "Arizona's only sibling was killed in action." As the words left Cristina's lips, more tears streamed down Arizona's face. The trauma counselor could see that there were more than two skeletons hiding in pediatric surgeon's metaphorical closet.

Dr. Jacobs concluded, "Arizona, I can't tell if your lack of managing the grief is _the_ issue or just one of the issues – but it is something that you really need to face if you expect to move forward. You've avoided dealing with the tragic death of three, close male figures in your life, and it is fair to say you have not completed the grieving process for any of these people. Everyone grieves differently, but it is clear from tonight's session you are not at acceptance. To move on, you need to complete the process. This brings up the whole avoidance piece which, based on Cristina's comments, has manifested itself in other aspects of your life, such as your reluctance to move back to your home."

Cristina added "Arizona, Sofia has asked a lot about Mark lately and in avoiding that discussion, you've shut her out, that's not helping your anxiety and stress or hers." Dr. Jacobs looked confused. Cristina quickly explained who Sofia was and how she fit into this.

"It is up to you if you want to come back, but you have some work to do if you want to get over this. I am not sure what else we will uncover, but at a minimum you're still mourning those loses," Dr. Jacobs elaborated.

Emotionally sapped, Arizona looked defeated. The doctor was right; she knew that. Arizona's face was wet from the tears that continued to roll down her cheeks. Cristina offered, "Why don't you schedule something now Arizona?"

Arizona absent-mindedly nodded. "Ah, let's see, how about Tuesday at 5:30pm?" Dr. Jacobs suggested. "In the meantime, it is important for you, Arizona, to feel your loss. Give yourself permission to cry and to be sad about the deaths of these very important people in your life. Make an effort to surround yourself with family and friends, grieving alone is not healthy. We can talk more on Tuesday."

"Do you have a card?" Cristina asked.

Dr. Jacobs handed Cristina a card with Arizona's appointment information. "With your permission, I would like to share what we have discussed so far with Dr. Michaels. I'll need you both to sign consent forms," which both women did.

The women thanked Dr. Jacobs. Noting Arizona's distracted state, Cristina seized the car keys from Arizona's purse and escorted her to the door. As the women walked to their car, Arizona asked "Would you come back with me?"

Cristina Yang emphatically said, "No!"

Arizona was surprised by Cristina's bluntness, "Why?"

"Arizona, you don't need me for this. You need Callie. When the guy wants to talk about the specifics of the plane crash, I'll come, until then you need to bring Callie," Cristina scolded her colleague.

"Let's get something to eat, I'm starving," Cristina demanded.

"I'm not hungry," Arizona responded.

"Too bad, I am. You promised me dinner if I came, so we're getting dinner." Cristina Yang was not really hungry, but she totally could use a drink. Cristina ushered Arizona to the passenger side of the BMW, directing her to sit, "I'm driving," it wasn't a request.

Cristina knew she needed to keep Arizona occupied for a few hours longer to make sure the poor woman did not totally implode. If she had her way, Cristina would have dropped the pediatric surgeon on the doorstep of the home she should be sharing with her wife and family but she promised not to say anything to Callie, a promise she regretted making.

The car ride back towards the hospital was silent. Cristina pulled into Joe's Bar, her mouth-watering for a Margarita. Arizona remained zombie-like.

Finding an empty booth, the two doctors sat. The waitress asked what they wanted to drink. Arizona said, "Nothing, I'm fine."

Cristina begged to differ, "Your fine my ass. I'll have a Margarita, and a shot of tequila. She'll have a white wine. We'll each have the soup and salad special. "

Not much was said during dinner, not much needed to be said. So much information was already shared the previous couple hours. The two unlikely cohorts sat quietly eating and drinking, both thinking about twelve years ago, sharing random comments here and there, which was more than Arizona Robbins had ever done before. After a couple drinks and dinner, Cristina drove her roommate to the house they shared with Alex Karev.

Xxxxxxx

Callie returned home relatively early Thursday night, by 10:15pm. She was agitated not to see Arizona's car in the driveway, Arizona never said she wasn't coming. Callie had hoped they could at least spend a couple of minutes talking, a habit they were sorely out of shape doing, if not talking, just being together. She reflected that it did not take much for Arizona to return to her reclusive state. She walked in and saw the light on in Sofia's room. "Where's Mama?"

"She didn't come tonight," Sofia tacitly replied.

"What! She never told me she wasn't coming. Was Mrs. Gonzales here?" Callie angrily asked.

"Mrs. Gonzales was here when I got here. She stayed until the boys and Anna were in bed, asleep. She said something came up at work for Mama," Sofia gingerly explained.

Callie's heart sank for her daughter, Arizona disappointed her yet again. "I'm sorry; I know you were looking forward to having Mama see your debate. I'll try to make it next time, I promise," Callie offered, hoping to minimize her daughter's letdown due to her mother's absence.

"No Mom, she was there. Mama and Aunt Cristina were both there. They left right after I did my piece," Sofia said softly, feeling rather traitorous for defending her Mama.

Callie nodded, the anger and frustration she had been trying so hard to suppress this week was festering. She did not know what to make of it, but she was going to call Arizona right now and find out. This was unacceptable. She called Arizona's cell phone, but it went straight to voice mail. She called the hospital, but the nurse on the pediatric wing said she had not seen Arizona since mid-afternoon. Furious, Callie called Alex Karev.

"Alex, is Arizona there?" she barked.

"I'm her landlord, not her babysitter. And no, she's not here," he growled.

"How about Cristina?" Callie inquired in frustration.

"Yang's not here either Torres," Alex gruffly answered.

Perturbed, Callie continued, "If you see either one, tell them to call me," and then she hung-up.

Twenty minutes later, the two doctors returned to Karev's house. Arizona said nothing and went directly to her room, shutting the door.

Annoyed, Alex demanded "Where have two you been?"

"Sorry Dad, did I miss curfew?" Cristina sarcastically asked. "If you must know, we were at Joe's."

"You were out drinking! Torres has got her panties all in wad looking for you and Robbins," Alex crossly answered.

"Callie called? Here? Oh shit, just don't say anything Alex. If Callie asks, say you were in bed by the time we got home," Cristina tensely replied.

Alex's eyes bore into Cristina. "Please, don't ask, you don't want to know," Cristina insisted. Alex was part of the guilt trip Arizona Robbins was taking, and she did not want to mix Alex up in this mess. _'We didn't even get to the part tonight about who cut off her leg,'_ Cristina grumbled to herself.

Alex shook his head, irritated with Cristina Yang and went to bed; he could live without all this female drama.

Alone in her room, Arizona collapsed on her bed and allowed herself to cry for three men whom she loved dearly and left this world prematurely. She sobbed for hours, until fatigue took over and she fell asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

End of Chapter 16 (Thursday Night)

Alone in her room, Arizona collapsed on her bed and allowed herself to cry for three men whom she loved dearly and left this world prematurely. She sobbed for hours, until fatigue took over and she fell asleep.

* * *

Chapter 17 (Thursday Night)

Callie stewed for another hour or so, '_screw the recommendations on that sheet' _was her feeling. She almost called Addison to vent, but it was too late.

Callie vilified her AWOL wife behind closed doors, pacing back and forth alone in her bedroom, "This is a new low for you Arizona. You used to at least call or text when you weren't showing up. I know I'm supposed to give you your space, but no one even knows where you are."

It was way past midnight when she settled down enough for sleep. Her eyes no sooner closed when two warm hands cupped her cheeks.

"Mommy, I don't feel good," the voice sniffled.

Taking a moment to register what was happening, she realized it was Anna. She looked at the clock: 2:00am. Callie bounced up, "Hey, Honey, what's wrong? You're warm."

"My belly hurts," Anna answered.

Callie carried her small daughter to the bathroom, where she took the young girl's temperature, "104°, not good."

Finding some children's ibuprofen, she was about to give Anna the needed dose when Anna cried, "Mommy, my belly!" As the words left the girl's mouth, so did Anna's dinner. Callie and Anna were covered in vomit.

"Oh, Anna," Callie sadly responded.

Callie quickly removed her own pajamas, and threw on her bathrobe. She started a tepid shower for Anna, not only to clean up the young girl, but hoping to bring her fever down. When she finished cleaning the youngster up and dressing her in fresh pajamas, she asked, "Anna, do you think you can take some medicine? It's grape, your favorite."

Anna nodded and slowly swallowed the purple liquid. "Ready to go back to sleep?" Callie gently asked.

Anna shook her head to indicate 'no'.

Callie offered, "How about if you sleep in my bed tonight?" Anna nodded 'yes'.

"But you need to tell me if your belly hurts again, okay? We don't want any throw-up in Mommy's bed, right?" Callie reminded her sick child.

"Okay," Anna meekly agreed.

Once Anna was settled, Callie started a wash with the puke-sodden night-clothes. After ensuring Anna was asleep and that her fever was decreasing, Callie took a long, hot shower, ruminating how much more complicated her life could get.

By 3:30am, Callie slunk back to bed; poor Anna was restless. Still warm, her sleeping daughter continued to flail for the next few hours. Callie finally dozed off at 6:00am.

Xxxxxxxx

Arizona woke up with a slight headache Friday morning,_ "A couple of glasses of wine and a boatload of tears and I look like a train wreck,"_ she thought as she bumped into Alex as she was leaving the bathroom.

Alex confronted his boss, "What the hell is going on? Torres called here last night all bent out of shape looking for you. She was pissed."

Arizona felt heaves rising in her stomach with the sudden realization that she never went to her house. "I'm sorry Alex; I didn't mean to mix you up in this," replied Arizona, offering a crestfallen apology.

Noticing Arizona's swollen, bloodshot eyes, Alex changed his demeanor. "Whatever," Alex grunted and he entered the bathroom to shower.

Arizona made it to work easily by 8:15am; she had plenty of time to grab Callie her coffee, which seemed paltry under the circumstances. Last night's events so demoralized her, she completely forgot she was supposed to watch her children. Arizona prayed that Callie would understand. Arizona was ready to tell Callie everything, including where she was last night, and her fears for them. She hoped that Callie would still have some patience remaining.

Arizona finally understood; the apocalypse brought to light by Dr. Jacobs provided the chance to diverge from the daily damnation she was living in. When Tim died, years ago, she believed she was responsible to be strong for her parents, she was raised to compartmentalize and desensitize her emotions; it was military chivalry at its worst. She discovered that as people perceived her as resilient, they were comfortable leaving her alone, giving her some space and privacy. What people saw as resilience was in fact her unyielding nature, unable able to accept the death of her beloved brother. She maintained her guise, shunning the need to mourn. When Nick and Mark died, she again donned her mask of indomitability to evade the grief. '_Doctors really are the worst patients,' _she thought.

She proceeded to Dr. Michaels' office, arriving a few minutes early. Dr. Michaels waved her in; she was speaking on the phone, presumably to Dr. Jacobs.

Dr. Michaels completed the phone call a few minutes later; Callie still wasn't there by 8:45am. Arizona immediately assumed the worst, that Callie was angry with her and therefore a no-show. Arizona shakily explained the events of the previous night to the counselor to substantiate her assumption.

Dr. Michaels was reluctant to draw any such conclusion, it wasn't Callie's style. But she was concerned that Callie had not shown up. The psychiatrist hoped the absence of the orthopedic surgeon was more coincidental, than intentional. Despite her suggestion that Arizona call to check on her wife's status, Arizona refused to follow-up, positive that she had pushed Callie just too far this time.

The counselor moved forward with the appointment, seeking affirmation that she would continue attending sessions with Dr. Jacobs. "Arizona, there is very little I can do for you if you continue to avoid addressing the heart of your issues. Dr. Jacobs strongly believes that the crux of the nightmares and terrors is grief based; he is trained to help you through that. My role will be to help you and Callie reconnect, improve your communication. Which, given your reluctance to even call Callie this morning, obviously needs work."

The doctor explained, "It is the primitive nature of our body to respond with a fight or flight reaction in times of stress. Since you have not identified your particular stressors, your body is encouraging you to 'flight', as your enemy is unknown. With appropriate therapy, you learn your triggers, understand your feelings, recognize what is happening, and are there by able to manage or 'fight' the emotions instead of avoiding them."

Dr. Michaels normally let her patients evolve to the proper decisions on their own, but Arizona was particularly stubborn, so the counselor opted for candor, in an effort to jump-start the woman's healing. "Arizona, those three people are dead, but Callie is alive and she is here, she hasn't left yet. You can only exclude people so long before they give up. I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation for why she wasn't here today. In my professional opinion, you are out of options; you need to be more forthright with Callie and continuing to see Dr. Jacobs is your only chance to beat this."

Arizona knew seeing Dr. Jacobs again would be the right decision, she was scared of the additional pain it would bring, as she was still recovering from her wounds from last night. Though she cried herself to sleep last with the memories of Tim, Nick and Mark, she had no nightmares or night terrors, which surprised her. She knew it was her own obstinacy holding her back. _'How did Bert describe me?'_she thought, _'Tenacious._ _I guess there is a fine line between tenacious and pigheaded._'

Still fragile, just bringing up the name of any one of the three men torn from her life made her eyes pool with tears, but according to Dr. Jacobs, tears meant healing. "I'll see him again on Tuesday," Arizona confirmed.

"Now about Saturday, what are you willing to share with Callie? As difficult as this might be for you, you need to meet her at least half way," Dr. Michaels prompted.

"I'm not sure now," Arizona replied. "Today, I wanted to tell her everything, but she's not … ," Arizona, choked up, she could not finish her sentence.

The counselor pointed out, "Don't assume anything has changed Arizona. Tell her about the meeting with Dr. Jacobs. He told me that one of his recommendations is for you to establish a support system. Let's talk about how that conversation might go." The balance of the time, Dr. Michaels prodded Arizona with difference scenarios of how certain conversations could play out on Saturday.

xxxxxxx

Sofia poked her head into her mother's room at 7:15am Friday morning, on her way out to school, "You're still in bed?" the teen wondered.

"Yeh, I've been up all night with Anna, she's sick," Callie answered as she noticed the time. "I need to get the boys moving," she said, dragging her exhausted body out of bed. "Have a good day Sofia, see you tonight, love you."

"Bye Mom," and after giving her mother a kiss goodbye, Sofia bounced off to Lindsey's so the two could walk to school.

Callie hastily called the hospital to let her staff know she would not be in until later that afternoon. Then she woke the boys, so they could quickly get ready for school as she made their breakfast.

She realized that neither Carlos nor Danny had organized their clothes or their backpacks the night before, which was the routine both mother's relied on for easy transitions the next day. Of course, it did not get done; Arizona was not there last night. It was just one more pet peeve for Callie, who was scrambling to get the boys ready.

She ranted in Spanish as she packed the backpacks. Standing before her were her two bedraggled sons, whom she had given free rein to choose their own outfits today if they could get out the door by 8:15am. "This day is seriously deteriorating," she muttered to herself.

Carlos looked at his mom impishly and said, "Mommy, you're funny when you talk like that." Callie's expression told the young boy, in no uncertain terms, he best keep quiet.

Carrying Anna to the car, Callie loaded the three into the minivan and drove Carlos and Danny to school, letting them know that Mrs. Gonzales would be picking them up. She no sooner walked back into her house when Anna whined "Mommy…..," and she spewed vomit everywhere. At least this time it missed Callie, instead ending up all over Anna and the kitchen floor. She once again ran a shower for Anna. After Anna was cleaned up, settled on the couch and watching TV, with a large bowl strategically placed in front of her, Callie proceeded to scrub the barf-covered, kitchen floor.

As she was wiping up the last of the mess, she remembered, "Oh shit, Arizona. The appointment." With her hands covered in Anna's regurgitated mess, Callie decided it was best to finish the task and then call Arizona.

At 9:30am, Callie called Arizona's cell phone; it went straight to voicemail, which was not surprising since both women habitually shut their phone off during their appointments with Dr. Michaels. Callie left a voice message: **I'm home with Anna, she's sick. Just call me later." **

xxxxxx

Arizona was paged directly to the ER from Dr. Michaels' office, a minor church van accident. There were a dozen teens to check and many paranoid parents to deal with. Having not seen Callie in the mêlée, she asked one of the ER nurses where Dr. Torres was. She was informed that Dr. Torres was not in today; the information only fueled her fears. It was not until 1:00pm that Arizona finally had a spare moment to check her phone.

xxxxxx

Callie was disheartened that she had missed the appointment with Dr. Michael's that morning, but it could not be helped, her kids came first. Poor Anna was sick all night, then she needed to get the boys to school. Callie finally crashed at 10:00am, while she and Anna were watching _Dora The Explorer_. She woke two hours later, with a much cooler girl snuggled in her arms. She checked her phone; it surprised her that there were no texts or missed calls waiting for her from Arizona. _'She should at least be wondering how Anna was faring,' _Callie thought with vexation_.  
_  
An hour later her phone vibrated: **Ok, thanks. How's Anna? **It was from Arizona.

Callie answered: **Not puking anymore, very tired. Hope no one else gets it. NEED TO TALK!**

Callie was still angry about last night, and Callie expected an explanation.

Arizona: **K, but gtg –late 4 surgery, ttyl**

Arizona was really torn, she truly was already late for surgery, but she wanted to find out about Anna. Based on the capital letters from Callie's last text screaming at her, she knew how upset Callie must be with her. It would not be a quick phone call if she called her wife, so she continued to text. Arizona needed to stay focused for the wellbeing of her surgical patient, the call to Callie needed to be delayed.

Callie: **When?  
**  
Arizona: **When I get out of surgery**

"Fine Arizona, just avoid me," a cranky Callie said to no one in particular.

xxxxxxx

Later Friday afternoon Callie finally made it into work, after Mrs. Gonzales arrived. Anna was slightly improved, but Callie was pooped. A good night's sleep was seriously in order. She was glad she only had post ops to manage and some charting.

Callie walked toward the Attendings' Lounge and she saw Cristina Yang. "Yang, stop right there!"

Cristina froze in her tracks, but remained with her back to Callie.

"What's going on Cristina? Since when do you and Arizona hang out together?" Callie challenged.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Cristina said as she slowly turned around.

"Look me in the eye and say that," Callie demanded.

"Sofia is my goddaughter, so I went to her debate, big deal. Stop making a mountain out of a mole hill," Cristina nonchalantly responded.

"Cristina you're supposed to be my friend. Going off with Arizona, encouraging her to shirk her responsibilities isn't helping. If she wants to blow me off fine, but she has to stop letting the kids down. Thursday night is her night with them, her only night with them," tears welled in Callie's eyes as she pleaded with her friend to support her in this.

"I've got to go," Cristina said in a monotone voice. She turned her back to Callie and walked away.

"Yang!" Cristina kept walking, knowing she was between a rock and a hard spot. This was a no win situation, she never should have made that promise. Callie deserved the truth.

Her life was so convoluted. Callie, now really unsure of how to handle Arizona, her marriage, the kids, pulled her crinkled PTSD suggestion sheet from her pocket. She needed to think through tomorrow's dinner, if Arizona was even going to bother showing up. Flipping the sheet over, she dialed one of the numbers,

"Pete?... Hi, this is Callie Torres from the meeting on Monday….. Actually, it's been kind of rough, that's why I'm calling.….Do you have some time to help me think through a few things?...I'm done at 5:00….Thanks, there's a coffee not too far from here…..I'll meet you in front of the hospital," and she ended the phone call.

A few hours later, still steaming, Callie cornered Arizona leaving her lengthy surgery. "I'm leaving for the day, but I want you to know I'm pissed. First, you don't show up last night, and you don't even bother to call or text. Then you can't even check on Anna. I get you're not a pediatrician but you're a freakin' pediatric surgeon, you specialize in kids and your five-year old is sick. Arizona, I can take a lot, I've taken a lot. Fine, screw me over, but I won't let you do that to our kids. You are putting everyone else's kids in front of ours. It's not fair. I'm functioning on about three hours of sleep here, so don't say a thing, because I can't be sure of what will come out of my mouth. But when you show up tomorrow night, and you damn well better show up, bring your "A" game; you're going to need it."

Arizona was speechless. She knew Callie had reached the end of her rope. Callie turned around and walked away. Panicked, Arizona was at a loss about what to do; she then decided to pursue her wife to at least apologize. Arizona rounded the corner to the lobby, only to see a silver pickup truck pull up in front and Callie hop in. '_Callie is moving on,'_ she conceded.


	18. Chapter 18

End of Chapter 17 (Friday Night)

Arizona was speechless. She knew Callie had reached the end of her rope. Callie turned around and walked away. Panicked, Arizona was at a loss about what to do; she then decided to pursue her wife to at least apologize. Arizona rounded the corner to the lobby, only to see a silver pickup truck pull up in front and Callie hop in. '_Callie is moving on,'_ she conceded.

* * *

Chapter 18 (Friday Night)

Callie and Pete sat in a corner booth at a nearby coffee shop. "I flipped out Pete, she didn't show up last night and I lost my temper. She never even called. I've fluctuated between worried and angry last night and today. I feel like I'm stuck on the sidelines watching her self-destruct. We were supposed to be made for each other, this isn't bliss. I'm afraid to push and I'm afraid to pull, but doing nothing has been disastrous. I'm at a loss as to how to move forward," Callie weepily explained, shaking her head.

Pete was able to talk Callie down from the ledge of panic where she was straddling the line between heartache and outrage. "Look Callie, it's okay to lose it sometimes, this needs to be about you too. We all have done that, we all do it," Pete said encouragingly.

"Tomorrow night we are supposed to have dinner, I've planned this so we can talk, get a plan, and convince Arizona to come home at least once in a while. I can't handle being the only parent anymore. Now I am second guessing myself, what if I'm angry with her all the time?" Callie shared.

Pete pulls a pen from his shirt pocket and takes the napkin, "Let's go through the pros and cons of what you want and need."

The two debate and discuss, and two cups of coffee later, Callie has come to realize what she needs to make her family function. "Callie, remember this is about you, too," Pete noted.

Callie gives Pete an appreciative hug as he drops her off at her car at the hospital. Arizona, despondent over watching Callie leave with another person, has been stalking Callie's car from the third floor window that looks out over the parking lot, waiting for her return so she can deliver the belated apology. Seeing her wife hug the man, her fears confirmed, Arizona finds an isolated on-call room to break-down in.

xxxxxxxx

Saturday seemed interminable. It was not busy enough so Arizona was left to perseverate over her thoughts, which became more and more irrational. As she was finishing up at the hospital Saturday afternoon, she got a text from Callie:

**I need you to get dinner for the kids, please pick up a pizza. Anna needs more ginger ale, popsicles too. Thnx.**

So Callie was going to get her way, they would be driving together to the restaurant. After the deserving tongue-lashing from Callie last night, she was not going to question the request to pick up dinner.

Resigned to the fact that tonight's meal would be more aptly coined the _'last hurrah'_, Arizona decided that sexy was probably not the dress code, but she wore a dress that Callie always liked. It was smart, blue and it gave Arizona confidence when she wore it. She needed all the confidence she could get right now.

She arrived at their house, soon to be Callie's house, just after 6:00pm with the pizza, soda and popsicles, along with her medical bag. Callie was still getting ready. Sofia was trying to get consensus on a movie from her younger siblings. "Geez Mama, you look great," Sofia commented as she hugged her mother.

"You think so?" Arizona asked worriedly.

"You do, you really look awesome, Mom's going to love it," Sofia reiterated.

"Well, this dinner isn't about impressing Mom. It's a bit more like business meeting, so we can get a plan," Arizona solemnly explained to her oldest child.

"Really?" Sofia replied with trepidation.

Arizona saw Anna sprawled on the couch, cuddling her blanket and her new American Girl doll, Saige. "Mama, you finally came," the girl tiredly announced.

A huge lump settled in her throat. "Hey, let me see you," Arizona tenderly asked, as she hugged her youngest. She pulled out her stethoscope, to check Anna's lungs. Then she checked her ears and throat.

"Don't forget to check Saige, she's sick too," Anna informed her mother. Arizona smiled at the girl.

Arizona dutifully checked the doll over. "I brought more ginger ale, keep drinking. No pizza tonight for you." Anna pouted. "You get to have toast and popsicles for dinner instead! But not too many," Arizona countered, crinkling her nose.

"Popsicles for dinner!" her two sons yelled.

Four arms encircled her and she reciprocated the hugs. Smiling, Arizona dictated, "Not for you two, you need to eat the pizza first. You get the popsicles for dessert. Anna is too sick to eat pizza,"

"Pizza, yeh!" Carlos and Danny screamed and ran off to their trucks.

Anna smiled, "Thanks Mama, I knew you would make me better." Remorse continued to fill Arizona, the unconditional love her younger children had for her was astounding. She did not feel as though she deserved it, but gratefully accepted everything they gave. Even her relationship with Sofia was mending. Arizona sensed it tonight; Sofia greeted her with a hug.

Callie entered the kitchen, "Hey, you're here. I love that dress. It looks great on you!"

"Thanks," Arizona uncomfortably answered. Callie was obviously in a better mood today, '_thank God,_' she thought. "Anna might have strep, I see white spots. Tomorrow I'll come by and bring her in for a strep test," Arizona advised Callie.

"I was worried about that; she is still running a slight fever. Ready?" Callie inquired confidently. Arizona grabbed her purse and nodded.

"Alright Sof, you know where we are going, and you know both our numbers. It's not a school night, so bedtime is 9:00pm, but Anna can just hang out on the couch until I get back. I can put her to bed when I return. She just had ibuprofen so she should be fine. Listen boys, no fooling. If I find out you didn't listen, it will be 7:30pm tomorrow night. Got it?" Callie assertively laid out the rules.

Hugs and kisses were distributed to both mothers and the two made their way to the front door.

Callie commandeered the BMW, taking the keys from Arizona. "I'll drive," Callie said with a grin.

Arizona remained quiet, unsure of what to say, so she opted for nothing at all. Callie chatted about the Little League team she had just signed Carlos and Danny up for. "We talked about letting them play last spring, and sign ups were this morning," Callie explained. Callie parked along the waterfront, a block away from their destination."I probably could have gotten us closer, but it's a nice night to walk. I'm sure after we eat, the trek to the car will be welcomed. I hear the food is excellent, and the desserts are even better," Callie explained cheerfully.

The restaurant was a nice French Bistro that had recently opened. The women were seated at a quiet table in the corner, which Callie had requested. Arizona was relieved; the last thing she wanted was an audience for the dismantling of her marriage.

Callie initiated the conversation with the hospital gossip. Conversation flowed seamlessly between the two through dinner, evolving to the update on the police report for the tainted soda, Sofia's schoolwork, the conversation with Melissa Taft, all those topics managed to keep the two engaged. It was amazing that these women found talking to each other so easy, as long as they weren't the topic of discussion.

The wine had provided enough liquid courage so by dessert Arizona reticently suggested, "We should get down to business."

Callie laughed, "That's a little impersonal Arizona, don't you think?"

"Let's just stop beating around the bush and let's get this over with. Just say it," Arizona tensely requested. The conversation over dinner was fun and interesting, and not about them. Callie regretted having to switch topics.

As Arizona was instigating the dialog, Callie knew she needed to pop the bubble that the two were inhabiting over dinner, and broach the topic of "us".

Callie had thought long and hard over the last two weeks about what she wanted to say, as difficult as it might be, "Fine Arizona. My vacation with Addison was awesome. I felt like a crazy teenager again. I had so much fun. I actually had time for me, which lately has been non-existent. Addison and I stayed up late, talking to all hours of the night. Then, I slept late every day. There were no dirty dishes, or dinners to make. I didn't pick up a thing, leaving my clothes wherever they fell. I spent my days lounging by the pool or getting a massage or facial. There was the dancing and the drinking and the hangovers. It was great for my ego, because a dozen people, men and women, must have given me their number."

Arizona's eyes welled with tears, and she was finding it hard to even breathe. Her eyes could no long look up at Callie. Callie knew this was tormenting Arizona, but Callie had made a decision that she was going to be honest with Arizona tonight and honest she was.

Callie did not stop there, "It was so nice to take a break from everything. I think I would have snapped without it. It made me realize that I'm done…" Arizona could not hear any more and she ran from the table to the ladies' room.

Callie composedly remained seated at the table. It was a single bathroom, so there was no point in chasing her wife and she was advised '_to give her person space'_. Arizona needed to hear what she had to say and Callie would wait until Arizona was ready. If Arizona decided to leave, she was not going to get too far on foot because Callie had the car keys.

After ten minutes, Arizona returned more composed, "Sorry Callie, you can finish. I can handle it." Callie seemed to smirk at Arizona's words. Arizona moped and said to herself, '_Great, add insult to injury and smile.'_

Callie picked up right where she left off, "It made me realize that I'm done living the way we have been living, wondering if you will show up, waiting for you to come home and worrying when you don't. I'm not begging anymore. I figured out on this trip that …," tears rolled down Arizona's cheeks as she gripped the edge of the table with one hand to steady herself and needing to dull the pain with alcohol, grabbed her wine glass in her other, as she braced for the inevitable.

Despite seeing the distress on her wife, Callie was determined to force Arizona to hear her out and she continued her spiel, "I figured out on this trip that I was lucky to have someone, who even with all the problems she was battling, worried so much about me that she made sure I went on this trip with my good friend." Arizona choked on her wine as Callie voiced those words.

Callie was far from done, "You insisted I take a respite I needed so much. I know it must have been hard for you to do that. I loved every minute of being away because it reminded me how much I love being home. How not one dinner last week was even remotely as amazing as the dinner we shared last Saturday night. No matter how much fun dancing the night away was, I wished I was there to see the Robbins' Study Method. Don't you see Arizona, my week away made me miss you more? Well, the old you. It made me miss our family, the way we used to be. All the mundane activities we do everyday are anything but. And yes, this has been a hellish few months but I'm not sure if we can get back to the way we used to be."

Then Callie's mood noticeably switched to somber.

"Arizona , originally, while I was away, I decided that I was going to come back here and give you an ultimatum that you either move home, back to our house, our bed or move on. I figured we would just pick up where we left off in December and I was ready to do that, a clean slate. But I can't do that now, not after this past week. Our relationship is not healthy…." Callie continued rationalizing her decision.

Unable to listen any further, Arizona interrupted, "There is someone else, I know, I saw you together. "

Arizona gave up trying to keep herself composed, the tears flowed freely, but she never took her eyes off Callie. She couldn't wait for Callie to respond. Arizona uttered, "You want a divorce." It was more of a statement of fact than a question.

Miffed, Callie replied, "What? I didn't say that. There's no one else."

"But I saw you, with the man in the pickup. You were hugging him," Arizona tearfully retorted.

Callie huffed in exasperation, "Arizona that was Pete. He's from the PTSD support group I joined. Your mother found it for me. After you didn't show up last Sunday, I flipped out at Sofia. I realized I needed to do something different because I was taking my frustration out on the kids. That's why I wanted you to come by Monday, I went to the meeting. I'm trying to have a different approach, trying to give you your space. That's why I was making the lunches, to help you eat better. The food at the hospital gets old after four months, don't you think?" Callie simpered.

Arizona apologetically divulged, "I kept pushing you to move on and I thought you did, that you were having an affair. I saw you leave the hospital at lunch on Wednesday, and then you went with him yesterday."

"Arizona, you're letting your imagination get the best of you, that's what happens when we don't talk to each other. Wednesday I just took a walk, they recommend a short walk to help manage the stress, so every day, except yesterday, I've been walking. Arizona, you are being irrational, I would never cheat on you. You are supposed to know me better than that. After fifteen years, and all we have been through, don't you know me? See, this is how broken we've become, you don't trust me," Callie perturbedly revealed.

"I'm beyond rational, remember I'm the person, despite knowing my chance of dying in a plane crash is 1 in 45 million flights, still won't fly," Arizona responded drolly.

Arizona became heartbrokenly subdued, "I'm sorry, I thought you met someone else, but you don't exactly want me back either, do you?"

"These last months, the last week in particular, have been horrible. But in the scheme of things, it could just be a small blip on our lives' radar or it could be a deal-breaker. That's up to you. Who's to say when the PTSD is going leave and when it will return? It will be always our unwanted visitor. But we need to learn to work through it, together, because clearly we aren't on the same page." Arizona remained frozen as Callie rendered her assertion.

"Arizona, say something," Callie encouraged.

"You're not leaving me?" Arizona whispered incredulously.

"First off, you left me," Callie indignantly clarified; clearly still bitter that her wife made that choice. The words were biting, as Arizona had no alternative but to accept this as true as she affirmatively bowed her head in acknowledgment.

"But how this plays out is up to you. I am still giving you an ultimatum, and I want an answer tonight," Callie calmly demanded.

The lump in her throat was so large that all Arizona could do was shake her head in agreement.

"Arizona, we said for better or worse. This falls obviously into 'worse', but over the fifteen years, we've had lots more things in the 'better' category too. I love you, but I need more in this marriage. You're supposed to be my person. But for this marriage to work, I need to be your person too. You need to let me in. I was so angry with you Thursday night, not just because you didn't come to the house but because I didn't know where you were, no one knew. I'm still upset. You are so fragile these days, I'm scared. What if something happened to you? Who would know?" Callie counseled.

Callie was not finished; she undoubtedly had given this a great deal of thought, "I want you home starting tonight, and every night, without exception. I can't single parent anymore. I'm too tired and the kids miss you. We will sit down with the kids and explain to them how this will work. In the meantime, we'll work on co-parenting, simple communication and trust."

Callie's heart rendering speech was not done, "This is not just about me, it's about you too. You need to take better care of yourself, and that's not happening sleeping in random on-call rooms and at Karev's. You need to sleep better, and eat better. You need to be around us, your family. Just being with us, will help you heal. You don't need to talk or share unless you want to. We're taking sex out of the equation; I'll be sleeping in the guest room. With your leg, you'll need the master bathroom. Plus the master bedroom is more spacious, and I know you need your space to process. It's where you can go when you need a safe place to escape to."

Callie continued her oration, "I'm not going to pretend I'm not nervous about this, or scared and even angry. I'm all those. But I miss you, I really miss us. We all miss you. We will just take one day at a time and see where it leads. I'm not ready to throw away fifteen years because of four crappy months. If we, as a married couple, can work it out, great. If not, at least we tried. I refuse to give up on us without trying. If nothing else, we will make sure we learn to parent together again. We'll keep going to counseling."

Trying to lighten the mood, Callie appealed to her estranged wife, "You'll need to decide, my way or the highway," a small smile visible.

Arizona closed her eyes and thought carefully for a few minutes before responding, "Before I answer, I need to tell you about a few things in case you want to rethink your plan. First, I had a night terror while you were away. I thought they were gone but I guess not. Sofia saw it. Nothing bad happened, except I cracked the lamp."

Callie replied, "I noticed the crack. If Sofia can handle it, so can I, don't you think?" Embarrassed, Arizona grinned. "That's not really a big deal Arizona, " Callie pointed out.

Arizona remained silent.

"Is there more?" Callie questioned.

Arizona nodded, and sucked in a large breath. "I saw a trauma counselor. Thursday night I was there and I was going to come to the house after. I'm sorry, I forgot to call, I was so preoccupied. After, it was really hard, I zoned out; I forgot all about coming by. Cristina came with me; she took me to Joe's after. I think she was afraid to leave me alone; I was a mess. I made Cristina promise not to tell you. On Friday, at the appointment, I was going to tell you but you never came," Arizona was crying as she explained.

Callie, while extremely relieved that Arizona had finally taken the initiative to see someone for this without her having to be the nagging wife, was frustrated that Arizona did not want to tell her initially. "Why didn't you tell me that before? I would have been supportive," Callie challenged, testily.

Arizona shrugged at her wife, "I was afraid of what I might find out, that I might be worse off. I worried I might be too high maintenance for you."

"Arizona, you need to let me make my own decisions about what I can handle and what I can't, have some confidence in me, in us. So, was it a onetime thing or will you go again?" Callie quizzed her wife.

"Please don't ask me to talk about it, because right now I feel like I could shatter into a million pieces, but I'm going back. On Tuesday I have another appointment. The doctor thinks it's death that is haunting me, Tim's, Nick's and Mark's," Arizona expounded.

Callie nodded, "Is Cristina going back with you?"

Arizona shook her head to indicate 'no'.

"If you want, I can go with you," Callie humbly offered.

Meekly, Arizona answered, "Okay."

The waitress returned to their table with their bill, which Callie promptly paid.

The two remained silent as they took their leave of the restaurant. Arizona was able to rein in her tears, which were seemingly interminable throughout dessert, and pull herself together. As they strolled along the waterfront, side by side, but without physical contact. Callie handed Arizona the car keys, and then asked, "Anything else?" as the two women got into the BMW.

Arizona could not look her wife in the eye; she just nodded, staring out through the windshield. After a long exhale, Arizona divulged, "I'm scared I'm not going to love you like I used to. I'm worried the passion won't be there like before. What if I can't give you that? You deserve to be with someone who can give you that."

Callie coyly answered, "That would be a dilemma." Disappointment was plastered on Arizona's face upon hearing Callie's words.

Having shared her final confession, Arizona drove in silence. Once the car had pulled into the driveway, Callie put her arms on Arizona's shoulders and turned her so the two women were facing each other. Placing her hands on Arizona's cheeks, one on each side, Callie leaned in, gave her wife a slow, sensuous kiss that seemed to last forever. Arizona closed her eyes, lost in the moment. It had been so long since she had kissed Calliope, she had forgotten how wonderfully exhilarating it was.

As the need for oxygen became apparent, Callie finally pulled away. She prayed that what lain dormant for so long inside of her wife was stirring; she just needed Arizona not only to know that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, but to also feel the passion of that light.

As Callie opened the passenger door to exit the car, Arizona looked at Callie and said, "I thought you figured out on vacation it was better without me, that life was more fun without me. Last week I finally understood that I want us, need us. I love you, I always have and I always will. At the beginning, I thought that it would be better for everyone if I moved out and isolated myself. I didn't like who I had become, I didn't trust myself. But I found out the hard way that I was hurting more people. It was selfish of me to think that way, but for so long it seemed like the only solution. Callie, I'm still scared, I have more baggage than I even knew, but I'm ready to work through it. But Callie, I'm really broken, it's not just the crash, it's Tim, Nick and Mark. I want to give you an out. You don't have to do this; I wouldn't blame you if you want to walk away."

With patience and compassion, Callie endearingly explained, "Arizona, I know how broken you are. I'm in this for the long haul, I always have been. Marriage is a team sport, and you need to be a team player. I have no illusions, there is no question that there are going to be some tough times. But we'll move slowly; we'll reconnect, date – but no three date rule, we'll just take it slow. When we are both ready, we will turn it up a notch," Callie smirked as she spoke the last sentence.

"But the choice is yours. You need to decide what you want - either you walk through that door tonight, or we are over. No leaving again, if you walk through that door, you are promising me that you are here for good. Your PTSD could be a life-long battle for us, we'll manage it together, always together," Callie had said all she had wanted to say and needed to say. She got out of the car, shut the door and entered the house without looking back.

Once inside, Callie leaned back on the front door, praying that the push, or more like shove, would work. The ultimatum was bold, but Arizona needed to be shaken from the futile state she was existing in. Entering the master bedroom, Callie checked to make sure a shirt and boxers, along with a new toothbrush were still on the bed. She moved her sleeping five-year old from the couch to her pretty pink bed, peeked in on her boys, and kissed Sofia goodnight.

Sofia asked, "Is Mama coming back?"

Callie looked at her daughter and earnestly answered, "I don't know if she is ready, if she will ever be ready."

Callie shut the lights off in the house, except for the nightlight in the hallway and entered the guest room, not entirely shutting the door so she could hear what she hoped would ensue.

Arizona sat in the car, processing all that was shared. She watched as the lights went off methodically in the house, the family room, Anna's room, and the hallway.

As she processed what has transpired, she felt a quirky connection to Ebenezer Scrooge, her personal apparitions have haunted her. First it was Sofia and their current relationship, then Bert Parsons reminding her of her bleak future and then Dr. Jacobs forcing her to face the horrific past and her three dead friends. Though unlike Scrooge, Arizona knew the damage would not be undone in one night.

She remembered Dr. Michaels' words, Tim, Nick and Mark were dead, but Callie was here, alive. She thought of the kiss she just shared with Callie, it made her heart race and her fingers tingle just thinking about it. A slight smile formed, she recognized she wasn't as frigid inside as she thought.

Fight or Flight, the choice was hers, her initial inclination was flight – she did briefly at the restaurant. But, she thought of the kiss and like a magnet, she was lured to her house, their house. She stepped out of the car, grabbing the keys. Arizona unlocked the door of the darkened home and walked over the threshold. Fearful that Callie had anticipated her to leave, since all the lights were off, she painstakingly walked into their bedroom and switched the light on. Beaming, she saw Callie's favorite t-shirt waiting for her. Arizona reprimanded herself once more for underestimating Callie. Callie knew how this was going to play out; she knew Arizona just needed encouragement and time to figure it out.

Arizona removed her dress and threw on the t-shirt that smelled like Calliope. As she hung her dress up in the oversized closet she had once shared with her wife, she noticed Callie had removed most of her clothes, leaving the space vacant. Her eye caught a forgotten cardboard box in the corner of the closet. Peaking over the top of the box were some dusty picture frames. One of the items intrigued her. Curious, Arizona reached in and grabbed the carton, dragging it out of the closet.

Placing the box on top of the bare dresser, Arizona looked inside. These were the pictures that a dozen years ago were prominently displayed on the credenza in the family room, memories of good times gone by. Arizona remembered that day, in her anger, when she took her arm and irately wiped the pictures off the credenza and the memories out of her mind.

Callie returned home to find them strewn over the floor. Without any fanfare, Callie collected the recollections and stowed them in this box. Arizona never noticed the carton before, Callie's clothes, presumably now hanging in the guest room, must have shielded them.

She pulled the first one out and smiled. It was a picture of Mark and her; they were dancing together at her wedding. Mark picked the song. Knowing her penchant for Disney, he requested "_You've Got a Friend in Me"._ She knew the lyrics by heart as the words sang in her head: "_Our friendship will never die. You're gonna see, it's our destiny. You've got a friend in me."_

Fighting the emotions, she brooded, '_This wasn't supposed to be our destiny, you're supposed to be here, with us.'_

The photo was classic Mark; the photographer snapped the shot as Mark seemed to be looking at her chest. It depicted their ongoing teasing. "Eyes on my face Mark," she would perpetually admonish him. Arizona placed the frame on the dresser with an approving smile. She missed the banter. She missed Mark.

She reached in the box, glanced at a few more pictures before her eyes rested on a certain photo. She debated momentarily before tugging the frame from the box. Arizona inhaled deeply as she studied the photo. The glass was cracked on the frame from when it had been knocked to the floor. The blond pigtails and toothy smile reminded her of Anna. It was the three of them, Arizona sitting on her pink bike with the streamers, flanked by Tim and Nick. Her first instinct was to return the picture to the box, but she refrained, and tenderly placed the photo next to the one of Mark. She lifted the carton and shoved it back into the closet for another day.

Arizona could not help but note how much attention Callie put into Arizona returning home as she perused the room. The closet was bare, the dresser drawers empty and Callie's toiletries were removed from their bathroom.

The sole reminder of Callie was their wedding picture, which hung on the wall. Callie truly was giving her space. Part of Arizona appreciated her wife for that, knowing that when the panic and anxiety attacks struck, she preferred to manage them in private and those attacks would undoubtedly strike. The other part wished Callie was there to hold her, like now, but Callie needed to keep her at arm's length for the time being.

Arizona spied a pair of crutches placed by the bed; Callie seemed to think of everything. She removed her leg and pulled the covers over her. Starting to hyperventilate, Arizona focused on her breathing and coached herself to relax. Her imagination was again getting the best of her, '_what if…..'._ She could do this, she had to do this.

Tossing and turning, she felt a lump under the pillow. She pulled something from under her pillow. Turning the light on, half expecting to see a toy left by one of the boys, she saw '_Arizona'_ scrawled on a tag in Callie's elegant cursive attached to the signature turquoise box from Tiffany's. She nervously opened the box, retrieving the felt bag.

Inside was an extravagant, gold, "I Love You" bangle bracelet.

Examining the piece of jewelry closely, her eye spotted the engraving in the inside:

"**I still choose you to be the one with whom I spend my life."**

It wouldn't be simple or easy, but Arizona knew she was finally escaping purgatory.

The End (?)

* * *

**A/N:** While this is where I saw the end, some readers have asked if I would be illustrating the process of healing for Arizona, maybe delving into the crash, how the relationship between Callie and Arizona evolves, etc. I honestly didn't think that far ahead. I'm not sure whether I should or will keep going. I'll give it some thought.

I appreciate all those who took the time to read, comment, and follow my story; thank you.


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